35 and Older Accountability Group

Checking in. Urges under control but the fantasies are starting to become stronger and more regular. It's troubling but I try to distract myself in any way possible. Adding new activities to my daily routine. Scheduling more time with family and friends and less screen time, although it's still tough to do right now. Summer is around the corner and my overall mood always improves exponentially. Looking forward to something always helps.

There was a time where I would have relapsed hard by now. So glad and thankful to have found this site. Keep fighting, everyone, and never give up.

 

Checking in

 

congrats on 100 days @jaberwaki - that's a huge milestone!!

 

Well done bro you're doing amazing.

Thank you for the kind words, gonna do my best to go on a good run.

Cheers

 

Having thoughts but not urges, one leads to the other.

 

"I have read the rules and would like to join this group"

 

Checking in on a sunny morning. I feel fortunate to truly love where I live. Lots of sexual energy but I'm channeling it well, humming at work and rocking at my fitness. Be strong everyone!

 

Checking in. I had a reset today.

I've been going through a hard time--it's difficult to explain exactly what's been going on, because I want to stay anonymous (I'm not an important person, but it would be easy to google me just the same), but I've had to leave a creative collaboration that I've been part of for more than a decade. We all need to go in different directions, and I in particular need to leave because the guys I've been working with are locked into a view of women that I'm trying to put behind me. We're all still friends, I just won't be working with them any longer.

It's not going to be hard financially because I have plenty of other work, but this thing I'm leaving has been my main creative outlet and source of self-respect for years and years. I'm sure I'll find something else eventually. My wife has been very supportive, which is good, but one of my kids started crying when I explained what was going on. And there are a few people I still need to call to tell them I'm quitting, which I'm not looking forward to.

All of this to say: I'm struggling, but I'm still committed to this process, and I'm grateful for this group.

 

Thanks, man! Trying my best.

 

Good to be here!
I am 35, married + 2 kids.
Started my journey at 26 fully addicted to PMO mostly to get rid of the stress and numb any negative feelings. Was doing it several times a day. Today after 10 years of fighting this addiction I am in a better place but far from what is needed to manage a normal life. My relapses are every 3 - 7 days. The best strike was 30 days.
Sharing my story and accountability is something new to me and I hope and want it to be my last time I had a relapse.
These first 14 days are the hardest for me because it is a period when I have no feelings, both negative and positive as I used to dump my feelings from the age of 16.
I remember from my last 30-day strike there were situations where I just wanted to cry spontaneously like a little girl or laugh like a baby for no logical reasons. Very strange feelings...
Today my 8 days and I can not feel anything. But staying strong.

 

Hi everyone.

Sad day I've a very close relative fighting against covid. I'm not giving up you all know my faith kept me going through the recovery one day at a time. And that's how i'm taking this saying strong on my beliefs fighting with him from my heart and on my knees. I'm staying firm on my resolution of no PMO because of my family so instead of surrender I'll be stronger.

Don't give up. Remember why all of you are doing this. I'm doing it to be a better man, but also a better man in my family and society. I know we all will get there.

 

Checking in. Not much to report today; staying solid and looking ahead to 120 days free.

 

Just wanted to provide a new personal insight/epiphany: Today, I participated in a large social gathering. Since I work remotely, and due to the ongoing situation, it was the first time in a while that I was forced to engage with complete strangers in public. Despite having been clean for almost 2 and 1/2 months now, I have to admit I was feeling a bit nervous introducing myself to new people, including young women. The day started off rough, with me getting tongue-tied and practically stammering due to nervousness, but it improved later on. A girl half my age actually asked me, almost disrepectfully, if I was nervous, because I "seemed" so. I initially pondered how I would have never spoken to an older person like that at her age and wondered how she developed the audacity to do so. But I accept that a good part of that was on me, since I have this bad addiction that can tear up my confidence at a moment's notice. This, combined with some stress and poor sleep, is a recipe for social disaster.

It dawned on me that I absolutely *can't* have this addiction; the pain of what I went through because of it now outweighs any pleasure by a large margin. I was becoming a recluse because of it and that's a huge problem; we're all social animals and we should always engage normally with people, for the entirety of our lives. A perceived lack of confidence in an older guy must look very bad to most people, especially women. I don't want to go through what I went through today ever again. The next time temptation strikes, I'll just refer back to this post and how I was feeling today.

Sorry if this was a bit of a rant but I just had to get this off my chest. Feel free to provide any feedback. Thanks, guys.

 

Thanks for sharing. Just to add one element to the situation and feelings you described.
As human beings evolutionary our brain has 3 basic needs to fulfill, one of which is a social need. To us live a happy and fulfilling life this need should be realized in a natural way, which is socializing with real people around us. Social media is just a substitute and can not be considered as socializing.

To summarize: we should have two categories of people in our lives to be happy. One is the people we are carrying about. The second one is people that care about us. If this need will not be met we will always feel a void inside us.

 

Exactly. Our internet experience cannot possibly substitute for a healthy and normal social life. As a single guy with few family members/contacts, it's been a major problem for me. I've never met my online buddies and I don't know if I ever will, but we have more in common and are more like-minded than anyone in my "real life". It's like living in two different worlds. I feel for the kids today; they grew up with all of this and consider it "normal". I can only imagine the silent turmoil many of them must feel. I recently heard this quote: "All this technology and it's improving, making our lives better but on the other hand, it covers up all the pain, the destruction, the loss of life, the depression, anxiety, all these things that are burgeoning and bubbling up below the surface because it allows us to distract ourselves so efficiently that we forget who we are and what we are, and it's only going to get worse."

Thanks so much for your input, mate.

 

Morning all, checking in. One day at a time!

 

Made it to 9 days or so, but looked at psubs on Tuesday and that is a relapse for me. Not great to still fall into that trap, but on the other hand glad to now count that as relapse to drive more accountability. Must not allow myself to look for it. Still not there.