I just want to f***ing die.

Go to get a psychologist mate . It's really necessary with suidice toughts.
Don't fight it all alone

 

I think too that you would need a psychologist. I tell you, in your age I wanted to die too. This kind of thinking is there after every painful period...but I am still here. Some hours ago I was freezing, shaking, had terrible withrawal symptoms, I was sure that I will loose. Then I made a 10 minute workout video on the youtube, no hard workout, just some moves, then sit down in the corner of my room, and thinking about the period when I was clean, I reached every good thing without the porn. When I started to watch it, I was loosing every type of control, and I want the control, even if it is painful, sometimes fucking painful. I have a psychologist too, and started to learn a new language, it give me chance to write and write, and think about writing, learning, helps to concentrate.
one more thing: your problems are like a "ball of wool". If you start to solve one of them, and one more of them, it does not matter if it is just a good word to the beloved person or making the homework, the ball of wool became smaller and smaller, and some problems will solving themselfs.