Escort challenge

I came very close to getting an escort this past weekend.

I was getting frustrated with a certain situation (with a lady) and I would have normally MO’d but I thought about it and didn’t want my first post-nofap sexual experience to be with a hooker.

I lost my virginity by paying so with this reboot, I want it to be genuine.

I also get turned off when a woman’s privates smell bad so I thought of that as well which helped.

 

I ended last workweek with an escort. It was a stressful week and I felt that I needed the company and sexual release.

The agency advertised her as having been rated as the best escort in a certain year. She was pricier for 1 hour; calling herself a VIP.

She did not disappoint!

I found her to be personable, very attractive and the sex (twice) was amazing. Her body, her dirty talk and her technique was top notch. I don't know for certain if her moaning and her orgasm was genuine, but I really don't care. She seemed very real and it felt really good to be inside of her.

I wish I had something negative to say about the experience, but I am struggling to find any negativity other than I wish I still had the money in my bank account.

Again, I am hoping that that this time is my last. Perhaps I have reached my highest and therefore I must stop.

But I am afraid of just the opposite, that I will soon be dropping more money with her, not able to keep my sexual inhibitions under control.

 

Veritech,

Do you want this experience to be the last time? Or are you not ready for it to be the last time?

 

I want this to be my last time.

I do not believe that I need to have a "bad hooker experience" to convince me to move on from this.

I feel ready to move on. I believe that I am ready to move on. If I did not genuinely feel this way, I would not be following and participating with this thread.

But I also struggle with reservation that I may capitulate, due to the pleasant experience that I had with her.

 

you are bullshitting yourself. at least, be honest. what do you really want? do you want to be a free man or do you want to be a slave to your urges? if you ever want to have a true loving relationship with a woman where you experience her wanting you as much as you wanting her, you need to never visit hookers again. it destroys your ability to love and be intimate, you take sex and make it a selfish act for your own gratification, whereas the opposite should be its use. i wish you all the best.

 

Unfortunately I think matt2k12 is correct. I don't know you,Veritech, but I honestly wouldn't want to hear what matt2k12 has to hear because of how he said it. Matt2k12, I'm not saying you said anything wrong or in a bad way, it just came off a bit harsh and I wouldn't have been in the place to hear what you were trying to say.

Veritech, if you really want this to be your last time, you can make it your last time. You can do this by giving things up and restricting your access to urges. You can give a wife, girlfriend, friend, trusted member of a church, etc. your financial abilities. If you don't have access to spare money, how would you buy a hooker? I'm not saying you have to be this dramatic with your struggle, but I did notice it was the only way I could get away from porn. I no longer have access to social media, youtube, reddit, or any porn website. This is because of Cold Turkey Blocker, and I basically bricked my phone and computer. As men, we want to be able to have access to the world, and we want to be able to choose what we do with the world. Unfortunately, this addiction has made that difficult, if not impossible.

 

I tried to have sex while on Easter few years ago and my conscience was killing me right after because I should have abstained. From there, I never attempted to have sex during Easter.

 

I think that I needed to read what @matt2k12 had to say.

I do not want to be a slave to my urges. I do not wish to visit hookers again.

If the sex was bad, if she had no personality, had she given me the cold shoulder, I could chalk it up as a bad experience with a hooker and realize that paid sex is mediocre and overrated.

But I had a pleasant experience.

How do I overcome my internal urges that are telling me to check the agency's website to find out about her availability, text the agency to make the necessary arrangements to meet at her hotel room and subsequently drop more money at her?

 

@Veritech Well you’ve made it to this site where you are telling people you want to stop. Your admitting how hard it is to stop as well which is good.

Ultimately, the only person that can stop yourself going through that whole ritual is yourself. I know that’s an incredibly simplistic thing to say but it’s true.

Think about the triggers. Are there any particular times when you want to see an E? Do they occur when your feeling low? Just gotten paid?

Just have a think about it.

 

i know from experience what you mean, as I had the same „pleasant“ encounters. Unfortunately, there’s no magic spell that you can cast on yourself, in order to be free. Just like with abstaining from pmo, you have to abstain from hookers, and from browsing pages and from refantasizing memories. It will be hard in the beginning, but will get easier with time.. believe me, I’ve been there. You need to set up your mental habits for maximum self persecution. Whenever a memory arises , cut it off. Don’t let it dwell, it will just make it harder for you.

 

Hi @Veritech - sorry but I adapted your quote above. I know you're trying to quit but this post reads like a conquest more than a confession. An achievement more than a relapse.
First, let me open with you - I too saw a hooker recently and I am far from over my addiction so I am unable to advise you as a fully repaired human being. I am simply making an observation based on my own experiences.
The clue to your success lies in your true understanding of what you just said - the first sentence and the last say it all. The other words are just chest-beating and congratulatory. You need to move on from that mindset IMHO. You (we!) have clearly not yet learned to control our urges. If we were to work on only one thing it would be the improvement of RESISTANCE to these urges.
Like you, I wanna stop this - its risky, financially draining and dishonest to our partners not to mention eroding of our true sexualities. But like you I'm finding it hard to say no.
But I am saying "yes" less often.
Could it be that you have not yet introduced your brain to the idea of saying no once in a while?
Find your inner "no" and build on it and break down the power that this addiction has over you (us).
I think its our only hope. Try it.
Keep us posted and let me know what you think.

 

Hi @Veritech, read your posts and seems you had a good time. Which is fine. One thing I can tell you from learning by doing, learning by living, being lost, hooked and gone ... speaking of: this time was the last time ...

This time will NEVER be the last time. Only LAST time was the last time.​

Good luck on your journey. Be happy, free and thrive. YAY!

 

Not a victory!!!

If my experience with the escort was a victory, I would have posted on some shitty hobbyist website instead; giving her a graphic review and detailing item by item and position by position about our sexual encounter. I would then start planning my next money in exchange for sex encounter.

I posted on the Escort Challenge because I feel like I am losing the Escort Challenge. I am reaching out to this empathetic community in order to achieve the strength required when I will no longer succumb to paying a woman to have sex with me.

Paying somebody money to spend one hour of time with me, have sex with me then time for her next fuck, is not something that I wish to brag about.

I deserve and expect more from myself.

 

Thanks for understanding my rather blunt post. We must fight on.

 

Come on man, what would Rick Hunter do?

 

I did have a good time with the escort.

However, if I was on a diet and I indicated that I succumbed to a delicious cheeseburger and craved another delicious cheeseburger, this would not be interpreted as bragging about the experience. It's the fact that the cheeseburger is so tasty that I continue to sneak them in on my diet. If cheeseburgers tasted like garbage, I would not eat them.

Yet, I acknowledge that hookers/cheeseburgers (even if delicious) are bad for me and I want live a healthy lifestyle.

 

Hello fellow Robotech fan.

Maybe you did not intend to be so on point, but Rick just kept going back to Minmei over and over again when Lisa was clearly the better choice for him. Minmei was the popular spoiled hot celebrity who ultimately made Rick miserable at every turn. Lisa had a similar military background to Rick and had far more in common with him. Yet Rick kept going against what was good for him and he continued to favor Minmei at his own emotional expense.

Rick even snuck in a date with Minmei, when he originally had a date with Lisa.

But in the final episode of the Macross chapter, Rick Hunter ultimately makes the correct choice when he chooses to be with Lisa Hayes.

 

I've had plenty of memorable encounters with escorts in the past, some of the best times of my life. I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

The problem with sex addiction is that if you indulge over a long enough period of time (decades in my case) it strips you of all semblance of humanity. In the end it is not even about scratching an itch, you do it just because you always do it. You view yourself and the escorts as mere cattle, engaging in sometimes explicit fetishes, and the whole atmosphere is just devoid of anything real. Just broken people engaging in base, mindless behavior as a means to perpetuate their empty existences.

 

Good point well made @Grateful Retainer.
That's exactly the point though isn't it - we are aware of the nature of what we do yet we continue because a) the experience is enjoyable (I admit that it is) and b) we fail to exercise control over our decisions to do it.
Knowing its devoid of reality, base and shameful is not enough to make us stop.
The only way to switch off the drive is to act out. Or so we think.
I'm admiring your +500 days counter and wondering if you would share any advice - something that will help us shift form escort addicted to escort resistant.

 

@Semaphore there is plenty of advice regarding what to do when urges arise and such. What has helped me uproot my addictions is this underlying principle:

I am going to die one day

This is not meant to be fatalist, rather a reminder that my time on this earth is limited. Depending on how I fill that time I can have beautiful experiences or I can have miserable experiences.

My life journey has been such that my 20s and 30s were filled with miserable life experiences overall. No sob stories here, that is all on me. So I decided I was going to align my actions in life with my purpose, goals, and principles. Getting my rocks off with a lady of the evening does not align with my purpose, goals, and principles.

This mindset is what keeps me on the path. Combating urges is a piece of cake after that.