The Lord of the Rings Challenge

day 44

 

Day 146. Fairly stressed out today. I am considering a move to a different state and I can feel the pressure causing cravings. I also have been having wet dreams and fantasizing a little too much so I am experiencing some chaser effect. I need to be more diligent in the future and push through this rough patch. All storms pass eventually.

 

0 days. Had a fall again last night. Gotta keep at it. I will get through this one day at a time with some work and Gods grace.

 

Checking in friends

No PMO - Day 165
Exercise - Yes
Cold Shower - Yes
Reflections - Yes - good hour of reflections really helps grounding
Mindful Breathing -After this post
Practise BRACE - A bit yes and it helps
Procrastination - A bit but it is a day off
Acting the idiot, boasting, blather - no
Study about the reboot -
Looked again at my double binds - huge urges any time I try to sit down and think about all the things I need to do in my life. Many many tasks. Looking at the mountain becomes overwhelming and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's times like these that the monster in the head says that PMO is the way out of this darkness, and I have to use all I have to not fall. I had watched some movies over the weekend, no full on trigger scenes, but beautiful women nonetheless which I suppose could be even worse because they trigger yearnings and magnify the lonely feelings. Time to go back to being a man and finding those places inside me that calm me and quench the thirst for love - basically connect to my soul.

Challenge daily your excuses to pmo - worst when there are no excuses, there is just the feeling that there is no problem with it - probably brought about by watching all the movies I mention above. Sexual desire is normal yes, but PMO is not and in fact it is impossible to experience true sexual desire while the PMO urges are there, because they hijack all that is natural and good and claim them for themselves.

Big argument with "friends" recently about this, which is also increasing the feeling of isolation. Thank God for this forum and all who are sharing this quest, because without you there would be nothing to prevent relapse.

Follow a triggers prevention plan - early to bed early to rise - committing to do this today!

Why am I doing this? -To face the pain, embrace it, bring healing to it, and emerge as the man I was born to be, rather than the slave that the monster wants me to be

Commitments for this week - Make a reading schedule for my personal development, No PMO, Extinguish all lustful fantasy before they are even a flame, breath BRACE!, Be Humble - a Hobbit, Connect to my soul my core by being reserved and quiet; Be vigilant of thought, word and actions; Do not take my eye off Gollum….

 

Back to the challenge.Day 0.
Somehow I'm in a state where I know what to do but feel stuck, procrastinating and frozen in small insignificant stuff.

 

Day 11. feeling good workout at mornings and meditation and prayer still being great weapons

 

My sincere apologies to the Fellowship. I slipped up on Saturday. It was a moment of weakness brought on by an argument with my wife that I did not handle well. This has nothing to do with porn. I was simply using porn to numb my own inability to resolve the situation and my own feelings of powerlessness. Luckily I Oed fairly quickly so the relapse situation did not last long. I am deeply ashamed at what happened. Porn should never be a medication. I will work to do better next time.

 

Let's kick this thing's ass!

I usually do not use fighting metaphors, but I am getting pissed off that I masturbated so much. Pornography is less of a problem for me these days: I have 170-some days free of that, so I feel like I am looking good in that area (relatively). Nonetheless, I must stay vigilant, as most every time or maybe every time I think of masturbation, I think of porn.

 

If I were going to add anything, I would say to meditate on an expanding list of reasons not to relapse. Maybe be sure to put that into your reflections every time. EDIT: That is, if you do not already. That's my thought; take or leave as you are wisest with yourself.

 

Meditation works for me; prayer does not. Nonetheless, I will not make a religious debate out of it.

 

Yes you will succeed one day. All the best.

 

It never is. It is a recreational vice that destroys.

 

Yep

 

I really need to work on our house instead of masturbating these days. There is a lawn that needs to be raked before it needs to be mowed. Lots can be done if I stay free of PM. Our beautiful property needs to be kept this way, for one thing, and we have enough worries without my destroying our relationship.

I'll leave on that dark note for now and wish all well.

Peace and Success!
~Al

 

Day 249. Checking in.

 

I honor you in your continued success.

 

@DudeAlex *head nod*

 

Checking in Day 17

 

Checking in.

Congrats!

St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us!

 

Day 13! The journey is getting lighter by this point. I have met with some friends yesterday and I got to recharge my socialisation batteries a little bit and got to explore my insecurities a little more.
I'm still feeling a little down, but that must be the alcohol from yesterday. It's a moment to be weary, but I have no urges...which is great.
Overal energy score for today = 6