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I just need to write everyday instead of doing stupid stuff.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by SpaceUnicorn, Apr 28, 2021.

  1. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    Hello

    The title is self-explanatory.

    I need to write everyday on this website for a little bit instead of going to porn sites. I recently broke my streak of not going to porn sites for the first time since December 2020.

    I don't even know what to talk about other then like wombats and climbing. Also I can rant for days about the struggles of the working class.

    Ok good chat internet. Good chat.

    I'll be back tomorrow or later today (if I have urges to look at porn)

    Feel free to contribute to my happy little thread if you want. If not this is where I live from now on. Also if your gonna contribute to my happy thread can you post some music all my music has been over played. Thank you.

     
    Agent, Drambuie and kropo82 like this.
  2. My advice is just spend less time online in general, spend time in nature, find a hobby you enjoy and can invest time in, do anything other then the internet.
     
    Poodle Boi and Agent like this.
  3. Sure, I give you some music

     
    Agent likes this.
  4. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    2pac makes a solid point about survival ethics. It makes me wonder how I would act if I was in a war zone and hungry.
     
    When All Light Dies likes this.
  5. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    Hello.

    Welcome to another post where I write none sense in the hopes of staying off the internet.

    Here is a random and useless opinion on random subjects that have no significance to how you will live your life moving forward.

    1) I know a health care worker who said they were binge watching Grey's Anatomy so now I am too. This is a sad show. I think after season one I'm done. Also there is so much unnecessary drama.

    2) I started a retirement plan. Lets see how that goes...

    3) In a few moments I'm going to sit on my floor and pretend its meditation.

    4) Frantz Fanon's Wretched of the Earth reads like Malcolm X and the Communist Manifesto but with some very interesting points about colonialism. Its crazy to think that to this day there are statues of Queen Victoria in India built by Indians who to this day have never been thanked for their hard work. Its also crazy to think that for so long so many people were dismissed around the world as literally (and yes its racist) "beasts of burden." Its also crazy that those peoples cultures were totally dismissed and that they were not provide an alternative culture. In North America there were boarding schools in the USA and residential schools in Canada that did a terrible job at destroying peoples identity, sense of wellness and communities. So many people just became empty shells of a human. Frantz Fanon makes the excellent point that so many people felt (and still feel in places were colonialism is alive and well) the rage against the system of colonialism that was so well by Zack de la Rocha. However, given the lack of power that those who have been colonized feel its often turned on each other (so people beating each other up instead of beating up the colonialist) or on them selves. I wonder if this is partly why some people who are oppressed in colonial societies drink so heavily or commit acts of self harm like suicide. I could be wrong but Fanon does make the excellent point that when people feel a lack of power and a lot of rage towards the oppression they confront often that rage leads to self-destructive acts. I guess thats why activism is such a powerful and important outlet for those who fight for social justice for their communities.

    I guess or maybe I'm totally wrong I have no idea.

     
    When All Light Dies likes this.
  6. So what's your retirement plan? FIRE?
     
  7. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    I thought about fire it would keep me warm. I do have more trust in a fire starter wood and a shelter in the forest then I do capitalism. I have zero faith in the bankers and merchants that run the world economy. There is not a single banker out there who who has your back. However, for reasons that are beyond comprehension of a person like me, I have decided to invest capital into a actual monetary fund that is somewhat tied to the whims of those fat cats in New York and London who run the show. Don't ask me why.
     
  8. Don't need to trust any banker to make money. Just directly invest in companies with solid fundamentals. Hell, I invest in the most boring blue chips companies ever.

    Actually no need to get esoteric: You can just put all your money into VTSAX and have a pretty safe +15% ROI.
     
  9. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    Dude - you did your research!

    Good work :)
     
  10. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to another eventful message of me talking to myself.

    Lets see. Today I may not climb (in a gym) because of shoulder and neck pain. I'm wont be 100% sure until after I do some stretching and really feel it. All I know is I've learned the hard way that if you don't listen to soreness and pain it gets worse not better. Its not worth it to be in pain all the time. Its not worth it to engage in sports and then find out that you can't do anything (not even work) because of how badly injured you feel.

    I connected very well with a human last night and I want to see them again! The crazy thing is they want to see me too. I am hopeful that will connect again on Saturday. I am hopeful that we connect over food. This human was easy to talk, passionate about food, love to travel and a very kind person. It was such a nice change. I don't know if any of you have had the experience I've had with dating but my goodness you go through so much rejection and so many moments of "this is not the person" before you find some glimmer of hope. I was about ready to give up.

    If I am going to be honest though I dream of having a warm and welcoming home. I dream of roses out front and a vegetable garden in the back. I dream of a humming bird feeder. In the scenario in which I do not have a life partner I see myself in a cabin near mountains with my dog and a warm cup of tea so I can hang out at climbing areas and watch people climb. In a scenario where I have a partner I dream of a home with a lot of sun light, a really comfortable bed and dinners full of fresh vegetables.

    I love Lou Reed. Like not actually, he had his good qualities and his bad qualities. However, Lou Reed LOVED his home town (New York) and celebrated the people from that town. I know everyone puts down the arts but they really give us hope you know? They build us up and boost our spirits. They feel our pain and our joy. They sooth us and help us go on. Anyone who has ever done a really hard job (e.g roofing in the summer heat) knows the difference between doing that job in total silence and doing that job with music. Honestly I did that for a while and music was the only thing that killed the pain.

    Peace and love.

     
    Bookish Belle likes this.
  11. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    I am still super stoked about a person met.

    I am also stoked I didn't climb yesterday. My shoulder hurts and so does my neck and I am thrilled I am finally learning the life lesson "listen to your body." Although I can't wait until its a bit better.

    Oh and yesterday I got to garden which brought me a huge amount of joy.

    When I grow up I want beehives, vegetables, roses, sunflowers, a cat, an array of gorgeous flowers and room to do cartwheels.

    Peace love and righteousness.

     
  12. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    Today I learned how sadness and loneliness can be such a trigger for going to porn sites.

    I didn't go to a porn site so I'm still saying I'm on day 5 but I caught myself looking up the ethics of porn for the research of it - I think that was my brain trying to justify it all. I think the reality is porn is a grey area. There is no way around that. There are people who enter the porn industry and are "Just fine" with their decision and then retire at some point and don't suffer any consequences for the material they consensual agreed to create. However, as we know there are also to many stories of abuse and trauma. Its the unknowns that freak me out. Honestly, if I could be 100% sure that the porn that I can consume is legal, ethical and not damaging at all to the people in it I would watch it. Its the uncertainty that bothers me. Its the unknowns that make it hard for me to live with myself or my actions. So I didn't go to porn sites today but the temptation was there. The temptation triggered by sadness, loneliness and rejection actually.

    I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could call my internet service provider and ask them to just ban adult sites for me so that there is no hope that I can possibly....

    I hate the whole mental cycle really.

    I hate the shame and guilt. I hate doing the wrong thing. I hate not being able to live with myself. I hate my negative self-image. I hate the lack of confidence I feel from my actions. I hate it all.

     
  13. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    Love is on the land.

    Love is full of open spaces and big mountains. Love is the dirt roads that trigger all the memories I have of friends and people I've met who have brought me here. Love is the smell of trees that trigger my happiest memories. Love is the adventures you give to me. Love is the band of hippies I met once who were blowing bubbles and smoking weed in the alpine. Some of those hippies manged to do cartwheels after an elevation gain of atleast 500 meters. Some of those hippies were playing music along the way. I don't know what that green stuff was man but it tasted really good.

    Love is finding a person who makes you believe again. Love is the heartbeat you feel when you sit still on the floor and feel it. Love is standing on the edge of the cliffs because the discomfort and feeling that one wrong slip will make you die makes you feel so alive.

    In love I seek devotion. In love I want to be devoted. In love I want to find myself warm inside a space with that person and I want to study them. In love I want to know everything about a person. In love I want to stare into their eyes and into the silence. In love I want to hold them close. In love I want to stay until the morning comes.

    And in the morning of this perfect day I find myself on the beach watching the shore birds. I stare into the surf and I am not bothered by the rain. My lover finds me on the beach. In love I know and you know that we are there for each other. In love we share this silence together. In love we walk together.

    And in this future I see us with the dog. I see us with our children. I see the home we built together. I see us unfolding in our careers. I see the creativity that brought us to this moment.

    And how do I know when it is real? How do I know that love is the real thing. I only know its real when the happiness we create can be shared with the world. I only know its real when the love that I believe to be true helps me stand tall and helps me love the world like they are my brothers and my sisters. Love is only real when I have friends I invite to join me and when I do not hesitate to help those in need. I only know its love when I bring a bit more to my community.
     
  14. Poodle Boi

    Poodle Boi Fapstronaut

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    This for sure!

    Get away from the internet... If you get a urge, don't talk yourself into satisfying yourself. Immediately try to get outside for a nice 20-30min walk around your neighborhood. Get yourself somewhere in public where you can get some good thinking time and talk yourself down.

    Flooding your brain with dopamine for a quick fix.... and then feeling like depleted, low energy, sad and ashamed is not worth it!
     
    SpaceUnicorn and Takeyourfreedom like this.
  15. SpaceUnicorn

    SpaceUnicorn Fapstronaut

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    Hey good call.

    Here is my revelation.

    Dating is for suckers.

    Love isn't real.

    And i'm going to die alone.

    My real goal in life is to die alone in the alpine beside a tent on an august evening. Similar to the scene when the tough old guy dies by the river (Shut the fuck up Walter - Let me die in peace) in Breaking Bad.

    I'm ok with this.

    Fuck it I'm so sick of trying.

    Go ahead write your happy love story about marriage, kids and some dog.

    Love isn't real. It is a tool used by the upper classes of capitalism to keep us all down and out.

     
  16. FarBeyondDriven

    FarBeyondDriven Fapstronaut

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