Non-gay gay thoughts.

This past year I have begun to face my depression and my coping mechanism of porn use. However, my coping mechanisms are strong, and are not going away easy. I have a current thought of "You need to be gay, not because you like guys, but because if you act gay you don't have to go after girls and since you aren't really gay you also don't have to go after men. Instead you can just stay home, collect unempolyment, watch porn and be fake gay!" You can be alone with porn forever."

I'm really scared of this thought. I have had my inner critic use a lot of different methods to get me to relapse (Just peek, you deserve it, it's not that bad, it feels good, everyone does it, etc) But this one is so bizzarre and out there it really is messing me up. I hope with time it will fade out like the rest did, but right now I'm in the thick of it and it's weird.

 

Thank you gentlemen! I appreciate that feedback and yeah for sure I read some things on here that are weird and bizarre. Again though nothing wrong with that, this is a recovery site for porn addiction, shit is bound to get weird. Feels good to know that this thought is intrusive and odd and has only come in my head recently. Hopefully it will fade as I talk it out more and get away from it.