Accountability for All

Day 15 in the books!

 

@Ratatosk i think you must watch some nofap motivation videos. thats what i did. start as a beginner. and go right at it, dont relapse.
@TheBluePrint keep going bro, you're doing amazing!
@BlueLacuna001 you too man.
and i know not having instagram is a bliss. i havent been online since september last year.

@corylife howz it going my man?! you've been silent for some time now. everything good?
and @Sir Monte Cristo you?

 

Interestingly, right before I relapsed, I had a moment, where my heart told me it was going to happen. There were like 2-3 alarms like this, where I could turn back. They were after I had installed the app in my cell and looked just at the titles. I also got a call from my parents when I was in that moment. Had I not snoozed either of them, I would not have relapsed.

So I think always heed those alarms. Since we all really wanna change this habit, some part in our body tries to resist. We must withdraw at the slightest resistance that our mind shows, and we will have made a change for good! Practicing this can make it a habit to not be swayed.

Good luck guys.

 

bro i feel you. everytime i succumb to an urge, because my blockers are so good, i need to spend atleast an hour searching for porn. so by the time i actually get access to porn, my urge is gone, but still, everytime, i decide to relapse. like a donkey.
it sucks, it really does.

 

Today had given into an urge and peeked bout an hour, usually I gave in when the urge gets over me, but today I decided not to relapse. So i got up and did breathing exercise and listened to music for five minutes. Lo the urge disappeared. I was deceived by my mind that once I encourage the urge there is no way out. But today I learned that if I get up and get my mind to focus on breathing and music it's possible to come back. Glad to find a way back form my pitfall. I'm feeling less guilty than usual today. Usually it ended in a relapse guys.Not today

 

8 times today ,kind of gave an urge,so I blocked it , tomm I must be careful

 

DAY 2 : I'm glad to be here with you guys

 

Day 12 report

With Social media out of the picture, my urges have all but halted for the time being. However, I've noticed that I've been quite irritable and antsy over minute things today. Even during and after meditation I've felt this aimless bitterness towards everything. No doubt it's because I've cut off that extra dopamine fix.

Also the parrot doesn't like bananas... Go figure... Regardless, we still made some progress.

I promise I'm not usually like this, but right now I REALLY want to break something

 

Day 16 in the books!

 

Okay guys, I eventually relapsed, but I know what to do now : the only thing I have to do is not take my phone when I go to toilets

It's the only place I do it, I feel so bad right now but I'll get through it

 

alright people, i need your opinions on this. i already have asked this to one of my main APs and he was instrumental in me defeating this, but i need all possible opinions i can get.



i got an urge today (dw, battled it successfully), but basically during that urge, i was telling myself this:



"hey, remember when you first discovered porn? remember how good you felt? how you would innocently just fap away whenever an urge hit and not even to fight it a bit? remember how sweet those early days were? you didnt have this sexual tension constantly built up inside of you. you never cared much, you never thought so much about all this. you just went and fapped. as much as you could.



why not go back to that lifestyle again for a bit? nothing bad will happen if you go back to your previous lifestyle for just a month."



can you please help me identify this as a flawed logic?

 

@yrjyrj

Everything you told yourself can be flipped on its head. It could sound like this:

"hey, remember the last time you looked at porn? Remember how bad you felt? How you felt guilty for fapping away whenever and urge hit and you didn't even fight it a bit? Remember how bitter that day was? You didn't have sexual maturity built up inside of you. You couldn't care about anything. You couldn't think about anything. All you could do was fap.

Doesn't sound very pleasant does it? For some of us however, that's the reality. It was certainly my reality, especially at your age. We sometimes like to paint an ideal picture of what the past was like forgetting that it's what led to the present.

And what happens when a months becomes a month and a day? Or a month and a week? Or two months? Or a year?

You came to this website for a reason. Because somewhere deep inside, you know you can't go back. Take it from someone like me, who quit nofap on and off for years. Despite what we tell ourselves, we all know that there's something fundamentally wrong with the way we lived our lives up to the point where we realized that we have a serious issue, and it is serious. Let me remind you. Porn is more addictive than nicotine, crack, and heroin.

And then we come back here. To Nofap. Either to ruminate or revel in the choices we made. Usually in that order.

Even if you could rewind the clock, what would it accomplish? It kind of sounds like a living hell if I'm to be completely honest. Even if you decided to have a month where you could fap as much as you want. By now, you know it won't feel the same as it used to. Don't even kid yourself...

In any case, you shouldn't be having euphoric recollections of the past (that don't measure up with the present). You should be looking towards the future, but to do that, you have to bring yourself in the present. One of the best ways to do that is to cherish every moment where you made the conscious choice to live for something else other than porn. Even if it's just a day, even if it's just an hour. Cherish that. Be grateful and proud of the choice you made to live a better life for yourself.

Mind you I'm not saying all this to chastise you, and to be honest I'm glad you shared your thoughts with us. The reason being is that those kind of thoughts are the exact same kind of cognitive dissonance we all go through, whether it's on an explicitly conscious level like yourself, or whether something sets us off and we unconsciously want to go back to numbing the pain like we did when we were younger.

Of course, you already know this. There's no lapse in logic that needs correcting is there?

Porn addiction, or any addiction isn't a thinking game. It's a feeling game. It's a game us men are really REALLY bad at because we don't know the rules, or how to feel.

I think there's just something you don't want to feel and that's why your mind came up with that funny idea . If you must think about something, then think about what it is you're trying to avoid feeling, and then feel it.

Both before and even now, you were in pain. Porn was an escape, not a treat.

 

Goddamn it ,I still remember the first I watched P, 14th August 2018 ,I remember the title everything, whenever I revisit these memories I end up relpasing .

This is the kind of thoughts that scare me, I have gone 14, 30 days 40 days so many times ,thoughts like this destroy me

 

i can not thank you enough brother.

true man, all these months, whenever i relapsed, i've felt SO HORRIBLE, without exception.
everytime when i go to relapse, i tell myself that i'll leave nofap for some time now, but i ALWAYS end up telling y'all i relapsed and trying to get back on track, i never do want to stay relapsing.
so now, even if i make a conscious decision not to do nofap for a month, i wont be able to live by it.
5 days in, i'll realise what a crappy decision i had taken and again, try to get back on track.
and let's say, EVEN IF i manage to do one month of 'yesfap', that one month, as you rightly said, would be LIVING HELL.
i'm so much better off doing nofap and battling urges.

it might sound funny, but hear it out.
i am scared of relapsing.
so i thought i'd continuously relapse for a month, so i'll get 'immune' to the feeling (maybe?)
I KNOW THIS IS STUPID.
but such are the 'rationalisations' that my brain comes up with to make me relapse.

so true bro, so true.

this.

again, thanks man!

 

It's a flawed logic, when you are trying to get out of an addiction. It's your brain trying to get back it's dopamine. It happens usually, the more we try not think about something, brain could only think of it all the time. So don't try too hard brother. Take it easy as nofap is no big thing but just as avoiding some sugar or coffee. Give our brain other thoughts and accept that you are still an addict. Brain will give up that line of thought.

 

Day 3 done, long way to go.. did peeking today also, but not relapse. I think I'm winning a little bit now. Hopefully I'll be able to take care of the peeking too.