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The one that got away...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by brassknucks, Apr 29, 2021.

  1. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    Back when I was taking classes at the junior college, I had a huge crush on this doey eyed brown haired girl in my anthropology class. Back then I wasn’t confident and had kind of an incel attitude towards cute chics and sometimes wouldn’t attempt to try.

    Well fast forward years later and I find her social media and she’s married to some guy you think she probably would have no interest in if you seen him. Forever kicking myself.


    Moral of the story gents, shoot your shot! Rejection is better than regret.
     
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Totally agre, always go for what you want without fear.

    Also stop putting woman in a pedestal. You never went on a date with her and you already had a crush with her just because she was good looking. Maybe she is a nightmare to be with and his current husband is in a living hell. You don't know until you date her for several months/years, so before going crazy about a woman take your time to get to know her by dating. With this mindset is easier to appraoch hot woman because in your mind she still have to probe to you that she is not all about her beauty, and her personality is also really good.
     
    Rents77, Fat Boy, Garek and 2 others like this.
  3. I fell stupid in love with the second woman I ever slept with. It ultimately did not work because I did not know how to create the relationship that I wanted. And I did not have sufficient skill or confidence to find someone better. I did not have sufficient sense of my own worth.

    Flash forward ten years and she is married to some guy that looks a exactly like me. I mean exactly. Same hair cut. Same build. Same facial hair. Same skin tone. The back drop on her social media profile with him is exactly the same as the one she had when she was with me. It’s the exact same photo we took together ten years ago, just with him instead.

    I didn’t linger long. Best I can tell I’m in better shape.

    Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2021
    4:30am and brassknucks like this.
  4. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    Wow bro, thats crazy.
     
  5. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    I was fantasizing about this girl I was visiting at the massage therapist. I knew she liked me too, the sexual energy was there.
    but I was fighting this stupid addiction so I did not asked her out I wanted to work on myself.
    2 years passed, I am still visiting her there.

    1. at our first meetings back in the days, she never mentioned she had a BF. She was clearly seeing me as an alpha nad interested. We always connected well and laughed and talked. Even once she suggested topic related to sex.
    2. then when she realized I wasnt interested or askign her out, she changed to ''oh I dont have many friends here'' (putting me into friendzone)
    3. today I asked her out, she refused ''she doesnt socialize with patients'' aha sure girl, dont pretend youre the good girl now. good girls are bad girls that never got caught.

    I wonder how many alphas slept with her, with her bf not knowing anything.
    I wonder what would happened if I was as colllected and strong as I am now and asked her immediately (remember: I didnt knew she had a bf)
    I wonder...

    and before you say, she is a bad girl - no, she has healthy family, great father, and she is very mature and healthy.
    so yeah. all of them do it. the only question is, are they doing it with you, or you are her beta bf at home.
    or then she is using you for free attention and validation.

    I kind of regret not sleeping with her. connection like this happens once in 10 years.
    I feel sad and lonely today.

    But I know my worth.

    conclusions: dont waste your time. dont wait. act on the impulse. it might never repeat.
     
    brassknucks likes this.
  6. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    Well said. I was listening to Alan Roger Currie one day and he talked about how women are duplicitous. The whole "madonna/whore complex" is not accurate. Women aren't just a prude or a whore in a binary fashion. They are duplicitous. Which is why it doesn't really matter to a woman if she has a boyfriend or husband, that doesn't stop them from doing what they want when an Alpha male is on her radar.

    A woman will not say no to an Alpha male, what you mentioned is correct. If she views you as an Alpha, she's not saying no; although if she doesn't have that type of attraction to you its predictable that she'll say she doesn't fraternize with patients or customers, lol. Or that "she's not that kind of girl"; it just means she's not that kind of girl with you.

    If you haven't read Alan's book Mode One, do so. I learned some great truths from it.
     
  7. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    A good movie to watch is Last of the Mohicans with Daniel Day Lewis. Daniel plays Hawkeye, the epitome of Alpha Male Chad Thundercock in the old frontier. Cora Munroe, played by Madeiline Stowe was being courted by a betamale British Officer and she was not feeling him at all. Her desire was HOT for Hawkeye, he was her Apex Alpha Male, for whom she could not say no to. He was the best she could do and she wanted no other man, especially not that betamale Officer that was supplicating to her and trying to win her approval. You cannot negotiate desire gentlemen. Always remember that.

    Shoot your shot right away and if she's not feeling you, move on. You can't negotiate desire. This is part of the logic behind Mode One.
     
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  8. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    yeah exactly. she needs both things: caring loving bf cuddles and kisses rosy-dozy etc, and getting that purely sexual vibe, animalistic sex.

    she knows she cant get both from beta (or an alpha) so she uses both.

    the question is which one you want to be?
    albeit I must admit. Being an alpha is tiring, and lonely and all. But then seeing and knowing all this I couldnt just be the couch-potato boyfriend anylonger.
    This makes me even more lonely in a way.

    loneliness is fine when you realize how two-faced modern women are. in the past they got less chances to be like this, but it is what it is.
    now she is playing a good girl. superb. but I remember how she was heavily flirting back then. and how the sexual vibe was heavy in the air.

    my bad, I could've asked her out by then.

    but ... is it really my loss? She was my anchor that motivated me through resets, and battle with PMO. I dont know If I had won. at this point and 34 long cycles (of resetting and relapsing and counting days, with 120 days being top and several 80-90 days results) I am again on day 70 and I feel like I am ready to trust again. I feel like I am ready to make love again. I just know. Thats why I asked her out today.

    The main worry is that I am too late. Several years too old, and that I wasted so many chances.
    I am now ready to trust women again (after 4 failed toxic relationships) but ultimately through my journey of understanding both men and women

    I now know that women cant be trusted.

    she can either love you (''love you'' because for me theres no love with honesty and respect and they dont do that to their beta bf's) or respect you (and make excuses FOR you)

    women nudge us towards this irrational behavior. because being a cold alpha means being antisocial. means not talking or connecting with women as people.
    means treating them as empty vessels.

    but then how I could ever be with a woman as her boyfriend? I couldnt stand the knowledge that she is flirting and prolly screwing me over with other guys.
    then quickly forgetting it as unimportant. its not fair. nobody said life will be fair but nobody said it wont be either.

    and also females can have as many orgasms as they want. they are truly sexually superior to men.



    so I can finally trust women.
    but I know I can't trust them.

    this makes me suffering today.
    so what is left? escorts? that leave you with a big growing feeling of loneliness?

    I might try some dating
    on tinder. but we all know how that goes.

    cold approach on the street? im almost 38. im too old for this stuff...


    I can only hope God will bring me some good lovers soon.
    Its all so sad. A victory, but its a sour victory.

    she was my motivator, like a soldier who keeps a picture with a girl he loves. that allows him to survive the war.
    to have something worth fighting for.

    even though his girl is already married with kids to another dude when he went to fight in a war.

    life is terribly unfair.
    who is going to motivate me now?

    its her loss anyway. During all those years I was working on myself. I feel better than ever. Strong and collected.
    I conquered not only PMO but other cravings and bad habits.
    I workout, I meditate.

    Yet, the regret and sadness is there.
    But what I was hoping for? A love? (that starts with betrayal?)
    A relationship I know I dont want?

    idk.
    maybe a lover.

    she was the first and only girl I really wanted to start dating again.

    a case of oneitis, in a way.

    well.

    what PISSES ME OFF is how innocent she is trying to play it now.

    and yet I know all women are like that and she would be sleeping with me without even mentioning she's with someone.

    so I can trust women now again. But I know I cant.
    what a twisted world :(
     
  9. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    you know whats funny attraction is not a choice.
    true.
    and I am sure she could feel that again towards me. or maybe not? maybe in her head I acted too beta-ish when I was coming there for so long?
    maybe. She saw me both in low energy after relapsing but also in high energy.

    idk.

    but shall I chase the rabbit?
    entertaing her and provide her free ego boost? of course not!

    I offered invitation, she refused. thats it.

    (I still need massage therapist and she is the best so I will see her at least once more)

    Well, it sucks. I achieved everything I wanted. I am a changed man. but it feels like a mixed victory. I won, but I lost.

    weird.
     
  10. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    thanks for listening. its great to be able to vent and someone actually reads it and answers.
     
  11. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    weve all been there my brother from another mother. me too. but we learn from our mistakes and move on. only few people are born alpha, if not zero.
    this being said, i hope you are not bitter. you sound bitter. the red pill is necessary to swallow, but no one should stay there or you end up like a looser. no man, if capable of love, and who loves, is a looser - yet the red pill nonsense is talking man out of it. i mean, just look at one of rollo tomassis videos. he doesnt look like a role model to me.
    imho its awesome that you asked her out. it dont matter she said no, what matters is that you had the guts. it was probably too late, but as i said before, weve all been there. hope you take this as a lesson going forward to never again hesitate.. with practice comes confidence. dont assume to know her motives for saying no too. alpha mindset is; its her loss, not yours. and thats the truth. there are so many girls on this planet, and in ten years, there will be hot chicks too. what is rare, is a man who got his shit together.
    wish you all the best

    never chase. you won, because you acted masculine in going for what you wanted. at the end of the day, a woman has a will too and if she says no, theres nothing you can do about it. always tell yourself: its her loss. theres a saying in czech, which goes like this: the sun doesnt shine for one flower. and: theres millions of flowers. you get what i mean. and btw, who knows what goes on in her head. if i can give you one more advice: always assume that the future will be ok for you and that you will get everything in this world is due to you. this is an abundance mindset we men need to have. and we have it, because its the truth, when we carry ourselves, like were supposed too
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2021
    4:30am likes this.
  12. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    super important wise words that I needed to hear today bro, many thanks.

    youre right.
    This redpill stuff was slowly killing me inside. on one side , I want to love. but then, how can I love if I know I cant trust women and they can lie and betray us on a whim?
    its mad if you think about it. and I dont want to betray or lie to anyone. but then waiting for a girl who is single in current days is almost impossible. they are all in relationships.
    and at the same time, no women is ever taken (as this story proves).

    tomassi doesnt look like a role model to me either...

    I asked her out, I was calm and collected. Smooth. Something I would not be able to do years ago.

    thanks anyway your words really matter a lot to me
     
  13. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    Youre right I wont be chasing her or any of that ,it would be a sign of ultimate weakness.
    However if she starts giving me sexual signals again (unlikely)

    1. giving in to them and setting up another date would mean I have no spine, right? Thats how I see it. You got your chance girl, and you've wasted it. Thats the end of it.
    2. she could be just testing me or entertaining herself (shes a good person but that doesnt strip her out from her female nature)
     
  14. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    You’re still too much in your head man.
    What is it that you want?
    If you want her, and she offers you an opportunity, then go for it. Don’t dwell on having been rejected. Don’t feel like you have been treated unjust by this woman, because you have not been. At the end of the day she is a free human being and she can choose to do what she want with whom she wants it. If you are really into her, don’t give up, don’t chase her, and become that man that she wants to do it with. That’s all you need to do, focus on yourself, and trust that you will get everything in this life that you need.
    If she gives you sexual signals, whatever that means for you - let’s call it flirting, if she flirts with you, flirt back. You stated what you wanted, she knows it. Now it’s on her to reciprocate. Look at it as a game of tennis. You hit the ball, she is supposed to hit it back. If she don’t, you gotta wait. Don’t be butthurt about her rejection. You like her, wait for her to come to you. Let her feel only positive energy coming from you, and ultimately, if it’s supposed to be, she will come. To many weak men think they need to do something in such circumstances, but the opposite is true. You are the man! Be proud of it. Women dig men, and men are rare.
    Again, forget about red pill nonsense. Don’t talk about female nature. Red pullers are so full of resentment and bitterness and hate. Of course theres bad women, but there’s bad men too. If you only look at cases of hypergamy and monkey branching and what not, you will only see this part of reality. But reality is so much broader and there are good women out there, never forget that.
    If you haven’t read it already, I would urge you to read 3% man of Corey Wayne, it’s free on his website even. You will learn a lot, it’s like red pill without all the negativity..
     
  15. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    This will probably read like something out of a cheesy movie but I remember when I was about 14 getting the bus home from school and I could hear this girl talking, for some reason I was just completely drawn to this beautiful voice but I couldn't see where it was coming from as there were so many people crammed in together. Anyway, a few months later I'm there again on the bus home and I hear her voice, immediately I'm on high alert and just had to see who it was coming from and finally I saw her. I know this is all very corny and whatever but I just immediately fell in love with her right there and then. I didn't do anything in that moment and of course began to massively regret it as for a long time I never saw her again.

    That was until one day a year or so later when I was again on the bus on my way home, this time though it was later on a couple of hours after school so there was pretty much no one there. I saw her get on and I was overcome with so many different emotions with the overriding one being that I've got to talk to her or I'm going to regret it forever. What happened next though is absolutely unbelievable. There I am trying to pluck up the courage to say hi and she just straight up walks right over and sits next to me. I can't remember exactly what we talked about as I was so amazed by it all but she ended up giving me her number. I actually had a "kind of" gf at that point but whenever I was with her my mind was totally on this other girl.

    Anyway, me and this girl end up texting and talking online a lot, sometimes the entire night. It turns out that we had a mutual friend and this friend told me that I was all this girl ever talked about. I was crazy for her too but quite immature at that point and also a little shy, I had so many chances to make her my gf but I bottled it plain and simple, this girl practically did all of the work and I still somehow contrived to mess it up.

    After that we gradually grew apart, no doubt she got tired of waiting. I randomly decided to search for her on fb a couple of years ago(I'm not on there but I knew she was), well, it turns out she's married now. I didn't go digging any deeper after that as I didn't want to depress myself any further. I sometimes wonder how different my life would have turned out if I'd just not been such a wimp and went for it but oh well, it's done now. I'll still never forget that day she walked over and sat next to me.
     
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  16. silenteagle

    silenteagle Fapstronaut

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    Fellas! I don't think its practical to not have regrets. Its all part and parcel of life.
    Heck even I had a teenage crush, who was equally interested in me ( which i got to know quite some time later).
    But, nature always pairs you with a mate who is as emotional and sensitive as you are. So as we all progress in our nofap journeys, we will be reach a certain level of emotional maturity and I'm sure we all will find a mate who is as emotionally and intellectually aware as we are ;)
    Cheers to that day!
     
  17. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt... Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt... Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Matt...
     
  18. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    youre right but I wasnt with anyone for so long. I feel a bit rusty haha.
    Also its hard to meet people these days with all the pandemic stuff going on.

    I wanted her to become my lover, not ONS , more FWB. Or just a cool romance. Not a monogamous relationship. Thats all.

    funny you mentioned Wayne. He was the first coach I started my journey with all this knowledge (but then moved to more hardcore red pill of course... )

    and I even ended it up with ''well let me know if you change your mind'' after she declined the invitation which is something I still remember from Wayne's teachings.

    She kind of was surprised and replied back with something that sounded to me a bit like ''pre-learned'' sentence - something you just say to whoever is willing to date you from your clients/patients. A safe way.

    I agree. The whole knowledge of redpill is true, but its making men bitter.
    There are truths to it, but then reality consists plenty of different truths.

    But I must admit Idk how I would ever be able to be in a relationship and trust women knowing how ''two-faced'' they are. I'd be too suspicious. And without trust theres no love. I think I value respect more than love.

    yeah I get it. not starting to flirt with her on my own, but wait for her to initiate. If she wont, her loss.

    You know there were various moments during my visits there when she was flirtatious etc, sometimes not. I am there for 3 years man, you would get a feeling youre ''closer'' to someone after that time with anyone... and I always thought/felt we are really comfortable around each other. (comfort/seduction/close - first phase is done ;) ) But I was working on myself, so no regrets. I am more important than anyone else.

    I think the biggest victory here is that I am not slumping back into alcohol or caffeine or porn or sweets after this sort of ''rejection''.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2021
  19. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    and you know.

    theres one more thing:

    (let me elaborate as the context is important)

    - I have some free time next Wednesday, come over for a drink
    - Oh well (surprised) I dont really socialize with patients that way blah blah
    - Good for you! Well its just a drink its not like I want to marry you, not so fast (jokingly) C'mon your'e coming
    - I have a BF its kind of weird to go...
    - Well idk what youre thinking but I just enjoy talking to you thats all it is.
    - I know. But I kind of did that before and turned out weird like I thought it was also just friendship ... I want to avoid this weird vibe.. Not saying that youre weird or anything but... umm... I dont want to .. kind of...
    - You know its just an invitation, you dont have to take it... (this is where I went back to my normal voice, not the seductive one LMAO)
    - Yeah thank you Im just being honest


    yada-yada, Im dressing up to get out and she asks me where I live... (I say, and ask where does she lives etc - turns out she lives close to train station that has a train that goes directly to my place, like in 20mins )

    -maybe Im imagining something here but if she was THAT NOT INTERESTED then why ask me this particular question, where do I live, right?

    so my question here is: shall I jokingly say when I will be next time there (in a month) something like ''20 minutes'' ... she'd probably go with "what?'' "you know...20 minutes... thats how fast a train from your place goes to mine" etc - shall I still be flirting with her like that or just stop completely and wait for her move.

    (but tbh I dont think this will turn out into anything, I dont mind, its just for the sport. I dont mind the rejection. My success with PMO is bigger than everything :)

    And in the past, like 1.5 year before.. she was really into me.
    She not only omitted the fact she has a BF (a long term one, for over 10 years so for sure she's bored) but once she was really expecting me
    making a move. I could feel this in the air. And her disappointment afterwards. But I couldnt do that by then, this PMO addiction war was more important. So, no regrets. :) thanks for your answers they are really wise and I appreciate them a lot.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2021
  20. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    Maybe I screwed it up anyway because I was trying to not be direct?
    But this method was more of a Steve Mayeda approach when inviting girls (he's sort of purple-pill)
    But this is in opposition to the mode one.

    I agree why lie that youre attracted and want to sleep with her, but then c'mon majority of girls who have BF's when you tell them ''oh I just cant look at you just like a friend'' will automatically say something like ''im sorry, I have a BF'' - they wont admit they have sexual thoughts about you too, as they dont want to be perceived as whores (both by you and by themselves) so instead men use this sort-of ''secret code'' technique that goes like ''ok we r friends yeah'' ''yeah yeah'' and then ''one thing lead to another'' and ''it just happened''.

    what are your opinions?

    I dont doubt before herself admitting she has a BF both ways would do. But now the burden is on her and she defo is not trying to look slutty here.
    So thats why I went with the safe way of asking her out. Saying that I dont give a f. about her bf would be too easily blamed as disrespectful.

    But I kind of think how to behave on the next meeting.

    not flirt at all, wait for her to initiate... flirt and be direct I want to sleep with her.. or just flirt but pretend its only a friendship.
     

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