I’m tired of my war

If you keep doing the same things, you will have the same results over and over again.

 

If you are looking for an accountability partner , we can help each other .

 

@Capt_Zero Sorry to hear that news, what you're feeling now must be tough.

You CAN do it and you WILL do it - just never stop believing that. Once we give up hope, we condemn ourselves to failure. That voice inside you telling you to keep going is your best friend.

Like you I have lost relationships, friendships because of my addiction. I know we can and do learn from the past, but we need to concentrate on our futures'. We will live in those, not our pasts.

This addiction is so tough. It's something nearly all of us have to battle alone, privately - apart from these groups, there's not much support. Sure, we can access therapists but it's not widely talked about like problem drinking or gambling.

If you haven't already sought some sort of therapy then go for it - maybe discussing it, actually hearing you say the words out loud might serve as powerful catalyst for change.

Your addiction has beaten you down and exhausted you, and, if you're like me, sometimes the thought of a porn free future feels scary. But you've already done 9 months! That's huge. Do it again and again.

You have proved in the past you can exert control, you can resist temptation, you can resist urges. You're not a failure, not a loser, you are a sufferer of a massively debilitating condition and that's not your fault. But only you can stop it. And over time you will. Keep faith, keep going and believe that the future will be different because you are the master of your destiny and you control it. Don't be fooled into thinking it's controlling you, deep down somewhere you have the power and resilience to overcome it and say NO.

Never give up. If you fall, get back up. Keep going.

 

My advice is to disclose your porn and masturbation issue to someone in your life. Formerly, that was your girlfriend. Now that she has gone, you need to tell a parent, a brother, a good friend. Face-to-face accountability is the best of all brother.

 

I would like to share some perspective on what you've said, brother.

What you want to give up is living in the battle, not relapse. I say this because you don't want to live in a place where you can't experience life outside of P, a place that takes away your sense and reason. That place has led to a grave happening, a separation between you and your fiancé. No matter how you slice it, the addiction is not benign, it has its ways of steering you away from true freedom.

What you really want is to become that man that you your fiancé saw in you. You want to become that individual that sees through the shadow of comfort that P brings. It is only a trick, and you I believe you know that. Now, the person who you are recovering for is you.

So you don't want to live in a battle. That mentality only works for those right in the beginning of recovery. Right now you are going to have to switch gears in your mentality. Go from a battle to a dance. Your brain has essentially limitless energy for the addiction so it will keep getting back up for more and more, no matter how many times you try and wrestle with it.

Instead, you have to learn to dance with the mind, you being the lead. It is a part of you so you cannot sever it.

Walk away from the battle. Lay down your arms and look into the vastness of space (I am not saying you should go on a full relapse). Just gently remove your focus on the psychological battleground. Feel the life within you.

We cannot possibly live an endless battle. When I was there my entire day was just an endless struggle that lasted an eternity everyday. Nothing was worth anything. But, I started to live. Each moment I was a alive is all that was. All the commotion in my head wasn't me, it was just an impression from the past. I didn't try and remove it from me, I just stepped back and realized that it is a program that found its energy in my body. So, I reached a certain point of acceptance, that I am not that P brain, but it is a part of the encodings that has been uploaded into my brain.

We are much bigger than that pull that the addiction has on us, so much bigger. We just have to become conscious of everything all that we are.

 

Hey brotha !

Fight with PMO is an Eternal war, it will never Ends! that's why we're all at this Site and we're supporting other people.

Everyone lose the battle sometimes in Life.

Life put us on our knees, and everyone has gone through this.

You lost your Fiancé? That's bad, but I also lost my Wife because she was a Gold Digger and she Never Loved me.

You're not the Only one.

I'll tell you something: "Don't worry, it will become better, after the Rain comes the Rainbow".

She left you? Great for her, she doesn't deserve you.

We males, are the Prizes not womens!

You need to see this graphic that show how our "Ego's develop with age (fem vs males):



So the lesson here is to never give up.

Here is another quote:
"Life is not about how much victories you won, but it's about how much you got on your knees but you still continued fighthing back and moving forward ! never forget that"

And about your Fiancé issue, here is a video that will make you think twice before ever regretting loosing a Women ever again.



It's on their natures. Womens cheat more than guys. and that's what's hollywood movies are hiding from us males!

 

Stay strong. I also have a dream of porn today in the morning. Then I thought I must check porn but I resist the temptation. I focus my mind on Jesus Christ and ask Holy Spirit to help me. It works for me. Nothing else has helped me better than focus on God and read God's Words. It brings back the peace in my mind. The only motivation for me is to follow God's commandments.

 

I’m sorry for the loss of your relationship. I suggest checking out SAA. I tried getting sober on my own for years and I could never do it. SAA is the one thing that has helped me get sober and stay sober. God Bless.

 

The fact that she left you in your time of need for help says more than any words can

 

SAA is the best way to go! It will connect you with real people in meetings and help you to make solid recovery! They have a website that has a list of local meetings based off of where you live.

 

brother ,, looks like you are facing a tough time , I will just ask you if you will not see porn will you die?? , See crave for months again , you said you had a 9 months long streak , thats fucking awsome , I mean i never reached a month streak , so how much confidence you must have , isnt it? , see start craving again , visit a psychiatrist , share your problem , dont be down with some with some shit problem , and just say sorry to your girl , apologise her and win her back.

Just don't act like a son of bch fucking looser , life is like a sine graph(lol)

 

Fighting is a degenerative act and a constant stress. Of course it makes you tired in the long run. Instead of fighting your addiction as a war, accept it and let it go. Let it be, live with it, even enjoy it. Do your life, do what you enjoy and let the urges hit. Watch, dont act upon.
Get a blocker installed like blocksite. It gives your willpower a hand.

 

I've got a new system which seems to be working great. I printed out a weekly chart. It's got the days of the week, and next to each one a checkbox for "Jounaling", "Meditation", "Exercise" & "Abstinence". As I do each one of the first 3 I put a check next to it. The last one gets a check the following morning.

It's super simple, but it does shift my focus to developing healthy habits. Also - they seem to draw out additional healthy habits. When I exercise I'm also more likely to stick to my diet. When I meditate I'm more likely to do something creative afterwards, instead of watching YouTube.

I'm only on day 5, so still have to see how this goes, but I did have a couple of long streaks (60, 90) and countless short ones. Enough to know that the first couple of weeks are by far the hardest. These last 5 days have been the easiest I've had, by far.

Oh, and another thing, I now have a regular sleep cycle. 11 o'clock I go to sleep, 7 o'clock I get up. It's not set in stone or anything, but seems to be making a big difference in my overall wellbeing.

 

A good place to begin is to set a day counter. It gives me a definitive start point to be proud of, and I often can encourage myself to stay sober by realizing I would have to reset it.

For me, if I’m not keeping score I’m not in the game. Hopefully, you’ll find lots of good advice in these responses and on other threads. Wanted to keep it brief here so my advice/thoughts are in my journal for anyone patient enough to get through my ramblings.

Stay safe.

 

You'll never stop trying, brother, because you'll never again be completely comfortable with the idea of carelessly wanking to porn with absolute impunity. You'll never again be able to reconcile yourself to that lifestyle. It will never again be "business as usual."

You feel like shit now because this addiction has taken your girl away from you: What else will you let it take away from you?