I have a unique cocktail of situations. Advice from seasoned fapstronauts?

Hey zlemesan, the general wisdom is to take up new hobbies and channel your sexual energy into something creative, or similarly, going to the gym and exercising it off. Basically any activities that keep your hands out your pants! Most of us discover extra energy and motivation to carry out these activities once we've stopped fapping, so the NoFap process is a virtuous cycle. Personally I didn't organize my daily life well enough to minimize boredom and loneliness, hence I relapsed.

As you can see many folk find it helpful to keep track of the number of days we've been clean, to keep ourselves motivated. Likewise, others find motivation by keeping a journal to be held accountable to others or simply to themselves. You should consider discussing it with your girlfriend. Your relationship sounds great, and I'm sure her support would really help you. And it might get you more sex

The first few weeks are difficult, and your sex drive will fluctuate wildly, but eventually you'll realize you don't miss porn, and that if nothing else, porn is just a massive of time. You don't need it! Good luck.

 

Girls take longer to turn on.. have you tried turning her on in the morning and resuming at night time, telling her to hold onto the feelings?

Maybe you could try warming her up via text then taking her out, dirty talking @ the bar and brushing the back of your hand over her zones periodically.

Sounds like you need to talk to her in the most delicate of fashions. I have no idea how to have the 'your sex drive isn't satisfying me' conversation, perhaps somebody else does?? Sounds monstrously difficult. I'd go for covert flirtation + a regular exciting date night instead personally.

Keep us informed..!
Regards
Straw

 

Oh, don't wank or watch porn. I have a similar issue in that my woman can't satisfy my sex drive - 'starve the beast' as it were and I'm sure the ED will disappear. You'll get strong boners again and your desire will shoot through the roof, but that will NOT be the case if you PMO. Save your seed for her, that's important.

Once your ED issues are clear you can work on the sexual frustration issue - as an aside, clean eating + daily HIIT and weights are the most important factors in sexuality. Daily exercise and clean eating are so important to sex drive.

Respect there are cycles to everything in life.. you can't expect to date a girl for 18 months and not have periods of angst. Accept you will have some anxiety RE sexuality/attraction. It's par for the course, I wouldn't share it with her but know she has her own angsts she keeps quiet. That's what friends are for!

Regards

 

I know how you feel. Do you have alot of trouble blowing your load in addition to losing your boner from time to time?

Sounds normal - and 100% caused by porn addiction. You won't even need to stop whacking off if you're anything like me. Maybe a week or so.

Straw

 

Porn is so ubiquitous it is hard to imagine it not in your life. But, since you asked, I want you to imagine it not in your life. Ever. Again. As in porn free, completely. As in you are never going to look at a naked women (or man, or whatever in between crap you are accessing--because in the end, ultimately, most of us are accessing it)ever again on the internet. You have to start conceiving of "seeing" porn as using porn. You are using porn to release a fantastic yet nasty little drug in your brain's chemical reward center called dopamine. Best drug in the world, also one of the most addictive. Years of porn abuse, that is years of relying on porn to release dopamine (as opposed to sexual thoughts) have rewired your brain's reward center to prefer porn over sex and sexual thoughts. It's just easier, and it offers newness and novelty.

The first thing I recommend is get educated.

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2402-Get-educated-get-tools-and-learn-to-love-withdrawals

Hit the above link, go to the first video on page one. It is Gary Wilson's explanation of how porn gets in your head.

Also, go to yourbrainonporn.com Read up on your problem, understand it. Ask yourself, why is porn so fascinating? There is a reason it becomes hyperexciting for us, a scientific reason. You did not get to where you are in 15 minutes; it takes years to get to this point, so take a few hours to understand the problem. Those hours will save you months and years of frustration. We all start here in ignorance, but you won't beat this problem until you understand it.

Next, don't quit porn passively. Get tools. The first tool many of us get is a porn blocker. I recommend you get one. K9 is something a lot of guys use. I personally use FoxFilter. No blocker will stop someone committed to getting to porn from accessing it, but you have to define yourself as "a guy who is quitting porn", and a guy who is quitting porn, while maybe they want to get to it, will often stop themselves is their blocker kicks in. They make compulsively surfing porn a bit more difficult, and I do think there is an element of OCD to every porn abuser's habit. I also use this forum as a tool. I read here and remind myself of a lot of things that are necessary to keeping clean.

Last, withdrawals. You have to expect them. What are they? Well, remember dopamine? After years of porn abuse our brains are soaked in the stuff and it likes it. Once you quit pushing the porn button that releases it, your levels will start to drop back down, and your brain won't like it. When I was quitting it helped me to almost look at my brain as distinct from myself, as a piece of equipment that needed recalibration. You are likely to need 30-60 days to 1) get your dopamine levels back down and 2) not miss it terribly. The bad news, the first two weeks are going to be hell. You have to expect the pain, plan on it, even want it.

Here is a great thread I suggest you hit before you get serious in quitting:

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?3549-Action!-or-not!!!-Have-you-actually-Prepared-for-it

Point of the above is that the problem is a serious problem. If you are a serious man, then take the problem seriously, and devise a serious plan to beat it.

I see a lot of guys get 30-60 clean, and they simply stay clean with very little temptation to use porn again.

I hope this helps.

Good luck on your journey.