Starting to get dirty thoughts about this girl, help me!

Hi everyone, I would like you to help me with a thing that's happening lately.

Just some background: I am an 18 yo virgin, who got 500+ days on his last streak, but didn't manage to not watch porn during most of it. The current streak is 100% clean and I haven't got any sexual stimulation since my last relapse.

Last summer, as a 17 yo boy, I had my first kiss with this girl, and then my second with another one within a few days.

From that moment, since she lives far away from me (but comes back every summer to this place) I just can't get her out of my head, literally.

And the crucial thing is that I barely had the chance to know her better, since I met her at a bonfire with friends, kissed her a few days after, the night before she travelled back home.

This only adds novelty and mystery to the thing. I don't know if she went out with me only for the last summer memory if she is into me, or anything else.

Contacting her through insta would only be cringey for me as I barely know her, and I feel she's a stranger more than anything else.

The quarantine only made things worst. I could just forget about her (as I did for some months) just by knowing other girls, flirting with them, maybe making out with them with some luck, but except for some conversations and flirts now and then, I barely had any other relationship with another girl.

And, by staying a lot at home, the mind just vague around and starts to think about past memories, as they are the best you had so far.

After a relapse a month ago, I can totally say this last streak is 100% clear.
And, instead of having porn flashbacks, I just dream about her during the night, or, worse, imagine having sex with her.

I read "Your Brain on Porn" lately and I perfectly know that just imagining sex scenes in your head releases dopamine, as the brain doesn't know what porn is, it just knows what turns you on and what doesn't.

But, on the other hand, having real girls fantasies, and the pulse of going out and kiss a real girl, or make out with her, instead of kinky porn ones, is the hidden clue I am recovering, and my primordial brain is telling me to go out and meet some real partners unless I would just extinct alone, or at least that's the thing.

I don't really know what I could do to feel better and leaving those memories apart till summer. Strange to say, but those memories also distract me from doing my everyday things.

I don't know if fantasies just go away with time, as I never had a constant noPMO streak, but it's funny how I can turn things to my side and use this "crush" I have to motivate myself to arrive at August in the best shape I have had.

I constantly workout, eat healthily, take care of myself and my style, read, study, better myself every day, with a thing in mind: doing it for myself, but also to show my peers what am I able to do, what have I become with hard work, and also to better my look for potential girls other than her.

It could be childish, but I think every human being betters themselves not only for themselves but also for their peers and to get more girls.

This post wasn't only made for a mind recap and for liberating my mind a bit, but also to receive some tips from you guys.
I am just 18 and tips from more mature and old guys, with a lot of experiences at their back, would be really appreciated.

Peace!

 

We already added each other, I simply won't contact her as it would be out of context, I would wait for summer.

Maybe If I'll have the chance, I will contact her by commenting on some stories, but since I followed her, she hadn't post any, so I am gonna wait and see.

Thanks for the precious advice!

 

The only thing I forgot to add is that I live far, far away from her, like a lot of kilometres.
So even if I message her, that wouldn't lead to any encounter or date, as we live far away.
I would see her in the summer, in person, and maybe I will do something.
In my view, messaging her this early wouldn't cause anything and wouldn't do any good or bad consequence in our relationship.

 

Man, thanks a lot.
That's what I was thinking about.
I only need to tilt my head down, look at myself and only at myself, try to better myself year after year, and enjoying my life in the process.
I know I would forget about her in a minute if only I could have the same experience with another girl.
As there is a pandemic situation right now, and there aren't so many activities or places for possible encounters,
and girls are even more sceptical about strangers on the street, I am not going to simply wait for the end of the quarantine,
but I am going to keep working out and bettering myself every day till summer and over.

Cause if she won't be the one, there will be a high chance there will be another girl this summer.

Sometimes my virgin mentality gets better on my rational mind. I never had some real experiences with girls, and instead of letting it be, I stay there, having complexes about something that would be very easy if you just understand it.

I am seeing forward to a trip I will do with my friends in Greece this summer, before going to that usual summer place (where she is).
Hopefully, I will lose my v-card there or at least have experiences with other girls in disco and beaches and arrive there with some more knowledge and ability.

Thanks!

 

I will find the solution! I just found it somehow in my last message!