Control and internal conflict.

Hi Baowistop
If you are interested in those mecanisms you can research about how addictions in general work inside the brain. For what I understand:
These neurotransmitors like dopamine are naturally produced in small amounts in order to reward us for doing useful or grateful things like eating, helping others, achieving goals. But the addictive behavior overloads that system with the reward neurotransmitors, and it leads to the creation of pathways which make the addiction stronger. After a while this pathways can produce the overload of reward neurotransmitors even before we act out the addiction activities, just with thinking on it.
I think that is what is happening to you. This pathway is activated when you focus on the addiction and then the lack of self control as you described. i don't think you ejoy the conflict, but the anticipated reward in your brain. It's just my opinion, I could be wrong I'm not an expert.

Stay away from pm. Good luck

 

I just read this book on addiction and one of the chapters is about eating disorders, specifically anorexia which is interesting because it's about having LESS of the substance, and control of course. A quote that caught my eye is:

The way the author talks about this, pointing to what's happening in different parts of the brain basically not communicating and working together is basically you're tired, ego exhaustion or depletion. I made a post here with more quotes about this. I think this relates to the idea that we just have a limited amount of willpower. I bet what happens a lot of time especially when people are tempted is they just don't have a sense about how much willpower they have and just because they can control it for a little while in the beginning they don't realize they are in that danger zone.