Stuck in this sissy fantasy cycle. Really need help

I know that feeling when 1 porn fetish is stuck in your head and won't go away. It happens. But you can't give in. I have been finding as my streak has been getting longer that I'll get horny from time to time but it is never just 1 fantasy that refuses to leave my head. Stay strong and try again.

 

Do you think it would have been possible for you to redirect your relapse into vanilla MO? No porn, no sissy fantasy, just normal hetero stuff from your imagination.

 

Well, I would suggest next time your urges become a hindrance to your work, try this. For sure, it's not ideal, but way better IMO than to relapse on the nasty fetish. It won't leave you with the same feelings of failure and self-loathing (I know those feelings too well)

As for me, I've been seeing a psychiatrist for a few months, and she finally convinced me to take an anti-depressant. It has an uplifting effect, anxiety is still very much there, but I ruminate less on it. And the nice thing is, it's known to be a libido killer. I won't complain about this side effect. Much less sexual urges. And when I MO it's damn hard to finish so I end up doing it less and less.

 

I also want to mention that coming back from addiction is a skill, a journey, you learn from failure.
So, fail, get more info, fail again in a different way, reflect upon it, be smart, and keep at it.
That's why maybe writing a journal is good, it helps organize all the observations and make progress.

(yeah, I relapsed to sissy tonight, it was really stupid, I didn't even have a strong craving, just figured it would be nice to have a good vanilla fap, but because of my medication it takes f-ckin long to finish and I ended up digging into the more extreme fetishes to get it done. Sigh)

 

This to me shows you are using PMO to fight boredom. I have been the same boat many times. But it is best to keep occupied when these urges happen. Until you have absolutely rebooted there is always a chance these fetishes will return. Just try again and stay strong

 

I´m on paroxetine since 15 years and yes, it´s a libido killer. I don´t have massive urges but i can get orgasm easily when i have sex wich is depressing and makes me feel "less of a man" and all the stuff. Im on day 110 of nofap but with my medication i can see clearly any improvements on my sexuality. Besides i still have HOCD and TOCD. I read what AGP is (autogynephilia) and i think i have it so i can´t see a happy ending for me.

 

I'm taking the same molecule as you. I plan to go on a therapy as well because I don't believe I can really make progress with the medication alone. I'm afraid the moment I'll drop it, things will backlash heavily.
15 years sound like a lot, do you consider stopping at some point?

As for not being able to orgasm during real sex, it would be a problem if I had a partner I guess. Well, as long as I can get hard, I guess I could live with it.

 

Thanks. Yeah, next time I'll find something to do. In that case I should just have slept.

 

I only recently overcame this “sissy” or gender dysphoria/trans fetish recently. It really does mess with your mind.

Honestly, with the fairly decent responses above, I’d say if you want to truely overcome this issue, your best bet is to abstain from all forms of P for 3 months (90 days) and then return and reflect on how you feel. If you still feel a sense of attachment to “sissy” fantasy or P, keep going without. Abstaining is the only treatment, plus reading on the dangers, the negative aspects of porn, in particular the “sissy” stuff. There’s heaps of testimonies on this forum.

currently I still engage in PMO now and then, but I’m “bored” of it. I rarely get aroused so to speak, it’s more of a out of habit exposure that’s still ingrained. I haven’t watched “sissy” or trans genre P for a long time now, only straight P. It’s a good sign that I’ve escaped the evil “sissy” trans/cross dressing shit, but still got a few miles ahead to truly overcome PMO. I wish you all the best and hope you can truly overcome this issue.

 

Yeah, this sounds like what I had. Sissy fantasies, I'd picture myself as the woman being turned on by me and that is what turned me on in the past. I'm off porn for 1 year and when I do have sexual fantasies they are much more normal. In other words I'm attracted to the woman and what she looks like. I'm not picturing her desiring me, I'm the one doing the desiring.

 

Agree.
And the worst thing is that we are surrounded with this "sex-positive" trend telling you: "hey it's just a fantasy, you should explore it and not be ashamed". No, fuck no. This is a nasty addiction that will ruin your life if you go all in.

 

Yeah I would really like to quit all my meds but it scares me a lot since even on meds I'm barely functionable.
About orgasming I'm with you. I would be happy if i could get hard and have sex without orgasming but with paroxetine on high dose i barely get hard.
Did you speak with your therapist about the sissy thing? I'm planning to go to a gender therapist, I'm starting to suspect I'm not Cis. Fuck...

 

I've told all the details to my psychiatrist. She didn't draw any conclusions about my identity and whatnot, she's only interested in relieving the daily pain. Be careful, when you're deep into the sissy spiral you may think you're genuinely transgender, but it's very likely not the case. I don't know your story though, maybe do a presentation in the section for new members?

 

Thanks for the advice. Sissy and AGP scares me like hell. Everything i read on agp threads are people with gender dysphoria, or telling that there is no solution if you have the AGP thing. i had HOCD for 20 years, trying to live a normal life, having relationships with girls but struggling with a porn addiction (I’m on day 110 of nofap) I recently discovered that i have AGP and i went suicidal, my HOCD morphed into TOCD and i have weird sensations and great fear of developing gender dysphoria or being transsexual in denial. I’m hopeless.

 

Depending on the place, you'll find different people with different stories. AGP is very distinct from being trans, even though it may lead to the same apparent result in some extreme cases. Do some research on this forum about AGP/sissy, there are several stories of guys going pretty deep into that shit, and coming back realizing that it's "just" a destructive addiction and that giving in brings nothing but pain on the long run.
Yeah, just as any other addiction, you never get rid of it completely. But as you acquire tools and knowledge you'll eventually be able to deal with it when it's trying to come back.
The OCD aspect can be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy, if you got the budget for it.

 

Have you questioned if you were transgendered in the past?

 

Yep, definitely. Like Blackcrowes I had HOCD first, then moved on to TOCD.
In the heat of a bad relapse I'll have those thoughts again, even today.