17 Year Old Fresh Start

Hello everyone, I am very excited to finally be a part of this community. Simply joining this website already feels like an empowering first step. Ever since I started watching porn I have had a very unhealthy relationship with it filled with self loathing and regret but I'm finally ready to stop.

I have read around a little and you all seem so very supportive, hopefully I can make it through this with the rest of you

 

First of thank you and everyone else for the nice welcomes, I'm truly grateful
As for your question, it is a long story so I'll give a shorter version. TRIGGER WARNING just real quick: When I was young I had this half brother who was very sexual deviant and invited me to watch him masturbate once, it had a great deal on the guilt I now hold since I regularly compare myself to him when I engage in these activities. I started masturbating at a somewhat "normal" age I guess around 13. But once I started watching porn, I would barely be able to let myself go a day without fapping. It was definitely fueled since it was a coping mechanism I used for my depression. As the years went on the "normal stuff" got increasingly more boring, so I delved into hentai and that was definitely one of my breaking points.
To me hentai is so much worse because people can get away with posting such evil and disgusting crap on there. And after a few encounters of watching some stuff that I deeply regret and finding awful looking back, I started to kill myself with guilt for around 4 months. Honestly thinking that there was no turning back after one thing I watched, that this was the thing that turned me into a monster. (You can take a wild guess of what you think I watched). I began to drown in it with a voice in my head telling me how awful I was on the daily, and gaining POCD for a short time even, it was that bad. And even through all of this I was still masturbating, not to the same stuff (I will NEVER do that again), but I couldn't escape it and felt completely alone.
Around now is the moment that I finally said enough, I got into therapy but I still felt really alone in my struggles. So I thought joining an actual NoFap website like this would give me that comradery and accountability that I feel I desperately need. The rest I hope I will be sharing with you all through my journey, and I hope to be a help with many of you as well!