1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. MerillianTheSure

    MerillianTheSure New Fapstronaut

    4
    19
    3
    Hi guys I'm so thankful I've been added to the group. I'm 35 and am from Bulgaria. I have a simple life, a simple job at a Callcenter and I live with my cat. I'm single and enjoy it. I never watched a lot of porn, but I found out even 1 time a month is too much, cause it makes me feel depressed the next days. When I was in a relationship that ended some months ago I didn't watch at all, which makes me think I manage pretty easily when I have some form of accountability. This is why I'm so grateful we can do this together. I hate porn not only because it makes me depressed, I feel it's unfair and cruel to the people in the industry. So I'm happy to see so many people ditching it. ^^ I'm open to any further questions.
    =)
     
  2. Welcome brother! you sound very peaceful and on the right track man. look forward to see you evolve and experience a new level of empowerment

    What i realized recently is that unless we live up to our highest level of integrity and duty to ourselves, something inside of us dies, this is good for me to remember when I am so tempted to watch porn to jus want to have 'some fun', because while even though in the short term it feels good to be without discipline, within days in my own soul I know i am cheating myself.

    On the other hand when day by day we live according to our own integrity and highest dignity one day at a time, there is a silence sense of self love, self approval, and sense of honor. Even though we may go through phases of loneliness, we feel like we are on the right track.

    Have a great week/month/year! :)
     
    persona2903 and InnerMan like this.
  3. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

    19
    42
    13
    Relapsed. Anxiety got better of me. Masturbation is such an anxiety buster. At least in the beginning. Until it becomes an addiction and I need it at the slightest occurrence of anxiety or stress and enslaves you. Well back to day 1 I hope I can go 21 days at least this time
     
    persona2903 and RightEffort like this.
  4. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    2,094
    4,010
    143
    Sorry to hear that brother. I've been there and done that many times. Anxiety, boredom, and arousal are some of my biggest triggers.

    My check-in: I've been on vacation the last 10 days. It was a wonderful time with my wife and family. We traveled and enjoyed lots of good meals, so temptation was less. But now I'm back with more opportunity, more time on my hands, potential for more time to act out, upcoming job interviews and dissatisfaction with my my current job. I am trying to take a positive approach of focus and goals in my life.
    1) Quit porn and masturbation
    2) Exercise rigorously and eat healthy to get back to to 200 pounds or less.
    3) Find a new job
    4) Meditate 5x per week to help improve my well being and happiness. Reading Zen literature and meditation have often helped me see the person I want to be and aim for that.

    During vacation, I saw how unhappy work makes me and how I need meditation to find a better peace at work and in my relationships with others.
     
  5. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

    227
    813
    123
    Hey guys. Hope everyone is well.

    Checking in. This is probably the strongest my urges have been during this streak so I'm trying to stay mindful. I've noticed my internet use has been more undisciplined of late which is always a bad sign. I believe it's a combination of factors including seeing women dressing skimpy because of summer, a degree of fatigue and agitation on my part, and just straight up feeling super horny since its been over 4 months since I've ejaculated. I've also had a heavy meal which doesn't help.

    I'm putting this out here so that I stay accountable. I'm committing to pushing my streak to 180 days and beyond. I'll using the phrase 'where does it lead me and where will it leave me?' to question my temptations. If anyone has added input I'd love to read it.

    Peace
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2021
  6. ya bro you are doing the exact steps i have taken, to speak into it publically and connecting with the reason why you are doing this.

    I find the cravings come in waves - few weeks on and off. Today I was feeling the sameway, Cold shower, 2nd workout in evening and focusing on doing things that involve helping others, to get myself out of my own head and ofcourse plenty of nature walks is what helps me.

    Another thing that helps alot is GOOD MUSIC to sing to and sing with. I know its not normal in our culture for men to sing but it is an incredibly healing and grounding practice and been used in tribal groups for most of human civilization.

    I would just go to the basics, first get really clear on the why, then go to ABCs, sleep, rest, nature, good healthy food and focus on GIVING your joy to others, and sharing your joy in simple and random ways, like a fb post, video, hi to stranger, or random acts of kindness, thats always helpful to get the brain chemistry backin check and make you feel good.

    Ultimately the insight for me is when I am lusting and craving for porn (or any one) is because I am in the state of suffering, it means I a disconnected to who i truely am.

    Another thing that helps me is to listen to a guy named RAM DAS (podcast and youtube- skip to his actual talks about 15min in, not the other guy starting it)

    He was a harverd professor who had an enlightening experience, his talks always opens my heart and makes me feel in love with life.
     
    persona2903 likes this.
  7. Those are some huge insights bro and I LOVE the inspiration about doing more meditation.

    I also love the book Zen mind beginner's mind (free on youtube or audible) I have prob listened to that book 10+ times and still do - sometimes before meditation.

    The whole thing is like a secret teaching with simple words, each sentence is packed with power and insights.
     
    ANewFocus and persona2903 like this.
  8. If there was ONE new routine you could add to your life in the next 90 days - what would you choose? why? and how would it help you with anxiety?
     
    persona2903 likes this.
  9. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

    227
    813
    123
    Thank you @RightEffort, good thoughts as always! I started with a cold shower this morning as you suggested, which was a nice mental victory! The urges are strong but that' okay, in fact it's good! I'm going to hold the space of allowing them to do their dance, while not being afraid of them and trying to harness their energy to radiate positivity. As you said, it comes in waves so it's just about surfing those waves rather than being drowned by them.
     
    RightEffort and persona2903 like this.
  10. CraftyDad

    CraftyDad Fapstronaut

    20
    48
    13
    The past couple of weeks have been quite stressful, a lot of things to do both at work and on the private side. Not much sleep, but not much time to think about porn either. I'm really glad to have a vacation coming up now, and I'll try to stay offline as much as possible and spend time outside with the family.
     
    persona2903 and richsimm22 like this.
  11. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

    19
    42
    13
    Thanks for your response. I can't think for a routine that would help me with anxiety. My anxiety comes out of my inner insecurities. E.g. thinking if ex wife is seeing someone. Does my son love my ex wife more than me or do my employees hate me. Will I spend my life alone. Will I find someone and she will cheat on me. Or maybe I will have a girlfriend but she will secretly desire someone else. Will I fuck up again in relationships or at work.

    Once these questions start so does the anxiety. And it gets really tough, knowing that PM can easily bust through the anxiety. If I watch and masturbate, I can fantasize again and can see prettiest of the women nude and available for my viewing and doing things to my bidding in porn. Doesn't make me feel inadequate any more. The reasons are deeper. It's just that my mind has associated sex with such deeper feelings of self worth or something. thoughts around insecurities really rev up my anxiety.

    And only porn or masturbating can relieve it. Its always a fight until my mind convinces me the fight is not worth it and I give in.
     
    persona2903, ANewFocus and InnerMan like this.
  12. Thank you for your transparency and humility to share this with us.

    So would you agree that based on what you shared, the anxiety is only an effect.

    The cause seems to be the thoughts, which are capturing your attention and as a strategy to escape the thoughts (and there for feelings of anxiety) you move to porn watching.

    Have you ever genuinely learned how to practice meditation to be able to transcend the compulsive thoughts? Would you be interested in some ideas on what has worked for me? or some books or teachers?
     
    Settle and persona2903 like this.
  13. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    Hello, I'm checking in here.

    I haven't done well. I had a binge about 7 days ago.

    Then I PMO almost 2 days ago. But that wasn't a binge. For some reason also my blocker let me through, I don't know why it did at that time because I didn't disable it. If it had worked it might have averted me. I checked today and my blocker is working now.

    I starting to go to the gym last week and I'm trying eat different. I don't know how this will affect my urges or 90+ reboot attempt. I'm hoping to increase testosterone. So far only through diet, working out and an occasional zinc supplement. Increasing testosterone sounds a bit scary for reboot, but from what I hear it's healthy for men.

    I've never liked the gym but I'm realizing that it may be the best thing for me long term. At this time I have a friend to go with so that should help a lot.
     
    persona2903 likes this.
  14. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

    227
    813
    123
    Great insight! You've put your finger on a major source of your suffering and in my view this is where it's so worth pouring more attention in order to understand it better and ultimately see through it.
     
    Settle and persona2903 like this.
  15. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    2,094
    4,010
    143
    I battle these feelings too. PMO gives me short term relief from that pain but the deeper I dig into things the more I realize that PMO is making me suffer in worse ways. I was traveling through places where I grew up and I could remember incidents where I had PIED 20 years ago. I never thought PIED was a much of an issue for me but even when I was young it was an issue. It’s probably why I have always preferred the chase to the actual act with women. It’s why I would use PMO and fantasy to avoid actually taking action with women. Many times our insecurities are of our own making and if we realize that they don’t matter and move on, we can do it without acting out. Easier said that done but it is possible.
    Is your blocker covenant eyes? I had issues for last month with it not working at times so I had to add another layer. Now I’m trying to practice “I don’t want to do this” before I type in that address to test the filter on chance that it will let me through. It is easier said than done because it all happens in a split second.
     
    nonfap and persona2903 like this.
  16. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    The ranking is up-to-date on post #1...
    Have a nice week!
     
    nonfap and RightEffort like this.
  17. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    My blocker is NetNanny, I chose them because they have a decent price to install it on many devices. I don't remember looking closely at Covenant Eyes, but I probably have. I'll have to look at it again.

    I must have disabled NetNanny until reboot and not rebooted. Also, it's setup so I have to reset my password each time to disable it. I really need to be able to stay away from PMO without it, but it has averted me at times in the past and so it's a tool I definitely need to keep.
     
    ANewFocus likes this.
  18. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

    19
    42
    13
    I do agree that anxiety is only an effect. Though, cause probably has to do with whatever gives rise to those thoughts and I believe those thoughts are being generated from insecurities or association in mind . And these probably have far deeper roots - maybe childhood, maybe culture/upbringing or maybe past lives. I do follow sadhgurus videos.

    I don't know why I associate self worth with what others think/perceive or others actions. For e.g. if say my partner cheats on me that's reflective of her character, but in my mind it is reducing my self worth and painful for me. My mind should be my friend and not make me unhappy out of others actions/thought. It all feels too deep and even more anxiety inducing to be honest. A man once told me true knowledge of self is the most scariest 5hingnin the world for your mind.

    Qnywya I digress. I am open to exploring meditation and teachings to see if they can help
     
    persona2903 and ANewFocus like this.
  19. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

    19
    42
    13
    True that!
     
  20. richsimm22

    richsimm22 Fapstronaut

    38
    78
    18
    Well I Relapsed again so I seriously need to get my shit together. For some reason I do better when I eat better. If I start eating crap my mind just gives in. Back to eating better today. I'm giving in far too easy at the moment.
     
    nonfap and persona2903 like this.

Share This Page