NoFap

  1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Hi, I'm new and in my 40's

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Xfiles78, Jun 3, 2021.

  1. Jun 3, 2021 #1
    Xfiles78

    Xfiles78 New Fapstronaut

    4
    19
    3
    Hello,

    My life seems to have mostly consisted of video games and porn addiction. I don't know which one has had bigger negative impact on my life, they both have in different ways I guess but I think my porn problem is ultimately what has left the most wreckage and had the most severe consequences. It also produces the most shame and is the one I have never really been able to stop I have not played games for long periods of times before but porn I've never gone more than 30 days.

    I've ruined every romantic relationship due to this addiction, have spent ungodly amounts of money and also flirted with arrest many times due to voyeurism activities also. I didn't grow up wanting this to be my life in my 40's, who knew finding those magazines when I was 8 or 9 that enthralled me so much would begin the path to this point. Life is strange and mine most certainly filled with a lot of suffering because of this and unfulfilled hopes.

    I would like to live a life free of porn or video games, but I can't even begin to fathom the idea of giving up both at once. I have given up video games while still doing porn a lot and nothing changed. I've given up porn for a few weeks a few times, while gaming, and started to feel a bit better and even had less desire to play games. Perhaps games are how I escape the shame of my sexual behaviors?

    Anyway, I don't know if I can change, but here I am.
     
    Xfiles78, Jun 3, 2021
    Xfiles78, Jun 3, 2021
    #1
    {Ananta}, Azzure, PeacefulmindFearlessheart and 2 others like this.
  2. Jun 3, 2021 #2
    Baerle

    Baerle Fapstronaut

    316
    878
    123
    My Journal
    Welcome :)
    It's a huge and difficult step to admit these things to yourself, be proud of yourself for doing that! :)
    Games and porn often go hand in hand because both give a quick and easy dopamine high. I have a very similar experience with that combination like you. It sucks a lot.
    Maybe try it slow and start cutting out one problem at a time.
    A big thing I learned by trying to get away from that is that our brains can't deal with "not doing something". Focussing on "doing something instead" is a more powerful way to get rid of bad behaviours. Maybe that helps you, too :)
    Good luck on your journey
     
    Baerle, Jun 3, 2021
    Baerle, Jun 3, 2021
    #2
    Xfiles78 and Dares Greeneye like this.
  3. Jun 3, 2021 #3
    Dares Greeneye

    Dares Greeneye Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    1,233
    3,130
    143
    My Journal
    Hello :emoji_wave: Welcome to the forum!

    The first thing I want to say is that it's never too late to make a change. There are guys in their 50's and yet they are still trying to quit because it worth it.

    Now I'd like to suggest something practical to you. I don't know what other hobbies you have and I'm sure you've already heard of this type of approach to dealing with an addiction, but the thing is basically replacing old (and harmful) habbits with new. Buy a book about something you find interesting and read 10 pages a day. Can't do 10? Do 5? Not feeling up to 5? Do 1 a day. But just start and see what it'll for you. If you don't like an idea of reading, maybe you'd like something more active. Exercising is great - it gives you dopamine (as gaming and PMO does) but in a healthy way and also brings balance back to body, you'll feel relaxed and your head will be clearer. Do 10 mins, if you'll feel fresh and good, continue to 20 and so on, don't limit yourself by setting strict boundaries right from the beginning while exploring new things.

    I know next to nothing about you so these are just some suggestions on how to start, maybe you're doing both of these already, or none of these, or something in the middle. Anyway, you get and idea.

    Also... maybe it's not like that for everybody, but I've found it essential to have something out there, not necessarily a goal, but something or someone that will boost you everytime you feel like wavering again. It doesn't mean telling anybody about being on NoFap or that you're dealing with addictions, but rather knowing that the energy and time you'll spare will be used to create or work on something, or building a bridge towards somebody, to a true intimacy.

    I hope for the best for you! :emoji_v::emoji_slight_smile:
     
    Dares Greeneye, Jun 3, 2021
    Dares Greeneye, Jun 3, 2021
    #3
    Xfiles78 likes this.
  4. Jun 5, 2021 #4
    Xfiles78

    Xfiles78 New Fapstronaut

    4
    19
    3
    I have almost made it through day 2, but it has been extremely hard. I believe the hardest part, if I can explain this correctly, is that my mind convinces me why I should just give in and do it. So resisting what I am consciously aware of being horrible for me is one thing and can be hard but I know it would be bad to do (touching a stove red hot). But, my mind convinces me that the red hot stove (porn, PMO, etc) will not burn me and convinces me there is nothing wrong with doing it at all, that the red hot stove isn't even there. Further, it convinces me that I SHOULD DO IT. It will be good, correct, the right thing to do. So the thought of NOT giving in almost takes believing a lie in those moments - the idea that giving in and watching porn being something that will result in bad things feels, in those moments of intense mental trickery, to be the lie. I don't know if anyone can relate, but this is main reason it's so hard to not do it becuase of how my mind tricks me.
     
    Xfiles78, Jun 5, 2021
    Xfiles78, Jun 5, 2021
    #4
    Dares Greeneye and PeacefulmindFearlessheart like this.
  5. Jun 5, 2021 #5
    Julian Baker

    Julian Baker Distinguished Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    675
    599
    93
    My Journal
    Hey again Xfiles,

    What a powerful admission. Really like it. I also like it because it resonates so much with me and drinking, which exists alongside my PMOing. So does watching crap TV. I always watched TV as a substitute for loneliness. Could be argued for PMO and drink too.

    The point is, I understand how complicated it can get. It's like I can't equivocally say to myself, "Right, I'm going to stop everything now!" That is just not going to happen in my current state of being.

    I feel like I need to ease into it all. Or gradually ease out of everything, or else it will all be too overwhelming for me.

    For me, I've realised that my exit will be a little harder than most, so I don't get down about that anymore.

    One thing I have noticed is that when I do succeed in stopping one thing, I find I get more confident with the idea of taking on the other two. It's a process and I need to be patient with it.

    At the moment I'm on a very very very are run of abstinence from PMO and I love it. Just two days like you. My focus now is on the fact that I can do this, and what it feels like to do this, because these powerful thoughts and feelings will be transferred to not drinking and watching TV when I'm good and ready.

    One other thing I'm really happy and grateful for, are all the times that I have tried and failed and all the techniques and strategies I have used over the years. The only reason why they didn't work, is because I caved in. The techniques and strategies are faultless. It's my execution of them that needs work.

    That said, I also need to be brave and keep pushing myself. And making sure I remain accountable and keep the pressure on myself to change myself. Being on Nofap helps no end!

    I'm juggling a lot, but I'm also getting better at it and I see clearly that success breeds success and I know it is coming!

    Best of luck to you!
     
    Julian Baker, Jun 5, 2021
    Julian Baker, Jun 5, 2021
    #5
    Dares Greeneye likes this.
  6. Jun 6, 2021 #6
    Azzure

    Azzure Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    1,067
    5,954
    143
    My Journal
    Good on you for contemplating change!

    True is: you can change!

    Another truth: you don’t have to use porn or games everyday.

    Another truth: it’s easy to stop once you make up your mind and commit yourself as if your life depends on it.
     
    Azzure, Jun 6, 2021
    Azzure, Jun 6, 2021
    #6
  7. Jun 6, 2021 #7
    Bon-Bon XO

    Bon-Bon XO Fapstronaut

    224
    209
    43
    I'm gonna put a smile on your face and say, you CAN fucking change! And I think you will! Good luck to you! It's never too late to quit porn!
     
    Bon-Bon XO, Jun 6, 2021
    Bon-Bon XO, Jun 6, 2021
    #7

Share This Page