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100 Cold Approaches

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by StoicContemplation, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. EpsilonDelta

    EpsilonDelta Fapstronaut

    Well, if you're indirect as you're saying and respectful, then why would they hate on you and give you a bad reputation? These thoughts that the girls will think they are being harassed or something is a limiting belief and doesn't help at all. Instead, choose to believe that most girls are OK with it, and even likes being approached. For example, you can think like this: good looking girls get stared down or approached all the times by creeps, so if you're respectful, cool and friendly, they will like it, and not try to shame you for it.

    With that said, if you are serious about game and want to take this further, you might want to move to a big city in the long run? You seem quite dedicated, which I think is wonderful to see. Not many people have the balls to do even do one cold approach, and you have done over a hundred, you should be proud.
     
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  2. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    No, no, you can still be genuine about it - remember comedian's jokes that are interesting to you, remember quotes that are interesting to you, bring up topics that are interesting to you.

    You can still make it to your own character, just be a prepped version of yourself. Never think of it as inauthentic.
     
  3. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Good points. Honestly, earlier in the challenge I was reflecting on approaches and writing out potential lines I could have said. This was really useful and helped me with later approaches because it opened my brain to the idea of saying more. Sometimes I used the lines directly but other times I came up with new ones spontaneously because I had trained my mind to get in the habit of thinking of how to push a conversation forward.

    But then I ...stopped doing it. I started to get lazy and didn't do enough to push myself beyond the early exchange. I clearly have a decent foundation to build off here. I need to really work on my post approach.

    Action plan:

    1. Read over recent approaches and write potential lines I could have said.

    The problem? BAIT. My travel bait just isn't that appealing to British girls. And if you read over my recent approaches, sometimes I am dropping no bait. I'm forgetting some of the fundamentals. I am simply not dropping enough bait and saying, 'I just moved here' repeatedly isn't enough, especially when this was now 6 months ago. I need to drop it repeatedly. Where I'm from. Where I used to live. When I lived in... MORE dropping but I often forget or just to do it once and call the approach a write off.

    Reflection and analysis is needed for sure.

    But I look at this skill set like a basketball player.

    Doing an opener? Maybe that's like a 3 point shot. But there are other aspects of basketball that need to be practised just like there is more to cold approach than opening. My post approach banter is just bad I know it. But I will work on it, don't you worry and I will come back stronger.

    But in my defence...there is more than just the words you read on this screen. There is the vibe. The body language. The turning away. The getting up to leave. It's hard not to see that as a pretty clear sign that they just aren't interested. Yes, I could do more. But it isn't all on me either. But what improving my post opener game would do is perhaps give me a few percentage point increase. I'm just not getting across positive aspects of my personality in too many of these exchanges.
     
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  4. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, but unfortunately I am not proud.

    I can't figure out why this is ...it's some sort of negative self-talk where I can't even feel a sense of achievement because I didn't get intimacy from it. Even though the whole point was to do it for the process and I spent literally months delaying it and putting it off. And I actually did ok a few times and got numbers and even dates, which was unthinkable before I began.

    I need to absorb the accomplishment and not only berate myself for not being as good as other people at this.

    It's painful to acknowledge your weaknesses but that is also the only way to grow.
     
  5. EpsilonDelta

    EpsilonDelta Fapstronaut

    Those are solid results! You are achieving things that were unthinkable earlier, I don't understand how you're not happy about that. Just to get some perspective: when I became interested in pick-up at the age of 22, it took me about 4 months until I got some "intimacy". I went out every weekend and some weekdays and approached a ton of girls at bars and night clubs. I definitely did way more than 100 approaches during those 4 months. I think that when you don't have a good mentor around, then you're bound to have a lot of anxiety and bang your head against the wall for a long time before you get any results but you already get results and more will come with time as you get better.
     
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  6. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    So today I went out into town.

    While I was waiting at the train, a young girl walked past.

    I opened with - 'excuse me, do you know when the next train to_____ is?'

    Now before anyone jumps in with a 'lame! You're just asking girls obvious stuff' well, it wasn't so obvious. I was just sat down and the outward train to where I wanted to go was not showing on the board.

    She said, 'no, I don't. I heard some of them are cancelled.'
    'Oh no. I usually get these on the hour'

    I then walked with her to examine the departure board - nothing. Then she got her phone out and did some research.
    'Oh okay it's in 10 minutes.'
    'Good'
    'At least it's a lovely day'
    'Yeah'

    I then though it was over but when I went back to sit down she asked me how long I'd been waiting.
    I said 10 minutes and asked her where she was going. She said 'London'
    I then started rambling about London. I have some friends in London. I haven't been there a long time. Last time, I went to Victoria park. Yadda yadda yadda. So for any commentators complaining that I don't keep it going long enough, well, I did manage that today. Plus, I did a cool pivot when I said, 'I used to love living in the city but now I prefer the countryside.' Started talking about my countryside walks and observation that purple bells are actually blue.
    'I guess' she said to that.
    I also mentioned about some famous writers who are from my area. Though she didn't seem to know about that.
    She talked about how her friends from Uni are in London. I used this as a way to launch this comment: 'I'm going back to Uni soon but I'm studying something different to what I studied before'
    'What did you study?' she asked. YES! My plan worked. Instead of directly saying what I studied I fed some bait and she bit.
    I talked a bit about what I studied and my future plans to study something new due to the fact I lived abroad for 10 years.
    Then she asked me where I lived. Japan. Her friend wants to go to S.Korea. I ask her about her studies. It's all going well!

    Then the train arrives and I made a cocky move that maybe was a mistake.

    I got on the train first and sat down, saying to myself 'well, if she wants to keep this going she will sit somewhere nearby.' She did NOT. She went into a totally different carriage at the back of the train. The interaction just ended when I walked on the train first. That was that.

    Still the comment that I am 'like a dog chasing cars' was seriously playing on my mind and I think I did something to rectify that by keeping this one going longer and making the chat personal.

    When I was in town, I saw so many hot girls in barely any clothes or tight revealing ones that I was seriously tempted to text a local escort and just get my rocks off. I even went so far to walk to a house where I know a load of them are staying but I backed out.

    And maybe there is a God out there because I ultimately was rewarded for this decision.

    When I went back to the station, there was more confusion about the train departures. I turned to a girl next to me and said, 'excuse me, when is the next train to_____?' Man, there are few things better than legitimate questions for cold approaches!

    She said something like, 'I don't know' but the girl next to her jumped in and said, 'I'm going to____ too. Let me check and I'll get back to you.' She checked and the next train is not for 45 minutes. She said, 'do you smoke?'
    I said no and she said, 'aww, I was gonna say we could go outside for a cigarette.'
    'We could hang out though' I suggested.

    We go outside, start chatting and have maybe a 20 minute chat. Though I made a mistake here (we exchanged names at the beginning though I asked her name again) it didn't matter ultimately.

    I get her digits then we grab a coffee together. It was a fun chat since we both grew up in this area. Then we head back to the train and keep things going. I can't obviously type this one out because it was a 1 hour conversation.

    To me, she appeared like a very individualistic women which may make her more likely to be into my quirky sensibility. I say this because she was not wearing a face mask on the train and had no problem saying quite loudly how stupid and uncomfortable they were. Maybe this doesn't seem attractive to some but I admire such qualities.

    At the end she says, 'if you have time, let's meet again' so she is defo down for it.

    So there you go.

    Things can change quickly with this challenge and if I've learnt anything, it is to expect the unexpected.

    I had a few chances to approach targets who gave me eye contact but I chickened out, so there were still missed opportunities.

    108/100
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2021
  7. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    So, I was in my student city today because I had an exam. Opportunities manifested themselves, although I didn't approach in the city itself. I guess I could have approached female students before/after my exam with something like "Excuse me, do you perhaps take class ____? Because I have an exam for that next week." But I chatted with a random guy instead about the class that was about to be examined. Next thing I know his friends arrived and I'm basically (sort of) engaged in their conversation (they were IT students who take the course with my faculty so I asked them some things about programming etc.). Why do I write this? A positive side effect of the challenge I suppose (i.e. increased conversational skills).

    So when I'm back on the train towards my home town a girl comes sitting on the seat next to me (pathway inbetween that is). I wasn't really in the right headspace to open up and it took a while before I was able to convince myself to ask something. "Just ask something! See where it goes!" I also reminded myself that Kowe had some good conversations within a train/platform setting. So I asked:

    "Excuse me. Does this train stop in ____?" (the capital city has different train stations, I had to go to a station further than the usual station because of some trail works or someting, so some degree of authenticity).
    "Uhm, this train stops in station ___, ___ and ____." (so the 3 main stations of the city, she answers in English whilst my question was in my mother language)
    "Oh okay. Yeah there are constructions between my hometown and station ____ so I have to take another route." (a ramble to try to keep things going)
    "No no, the train stops also in ___"
    "Yeah, I can't look it up so I have to be sure."
    (I point at my Nokia)

    That was it. She puts back her headphones on as the information I inquired for was delivered and I didn't know anything else to say. Could I have rambled more? I guess I gave up too early. I could have said something like "Yeah, I'm just back in the country so I need to get used to the train system again.". Now it was tempting to ask her where she was from since she answered in English, but I felt that asking a personal question after such a short and elderly exchange would have been a bit too straight from the shoulder. But who knows, maybe she wouldn't mind as that's a fair and common question you get when you are a foreigner in another country. I happen to be from a part of Europe where the people aren't very direct and are pretty distant, but maybe this tendency would have worked to my advantage to the extent that it could make me an outlier, i.e. that she meets a local who isn't that cold. I will never know!

    Anyway, despite the fact that I didn't push it to the limit, I was glad I opened nonetheless. Like Kowe said, these mundane 'question-answer-okay thanks!' protocols serve as a reminder that opening up is a possibility. And if I look back at the results I had through the challenge, then I realize that all these extreme formal interactions did serve their purpose as little building blocks of getting desensitized of the first step of approaching.

    Later I was on a bus. There was a cute blonde on the bus and an older woman sitting behind her. A good opportunity. I ask her (the blonde silly!):

    "Excuse me. At the end of the street, does the bus turn left or right?"
    "Uhm."
    (not sure she speaks my language, bilingual area)
    The woman behind her answers my question (very friendly).
    "Oh okay, because I need to go to the station to pick up my car."
    "Yeah yeah, the bus goes there."
    (older woman)

    My target says:

    "Sorry." (in the sense that she didn't answer my question)
    "No problem, I assumed you spoke ____." (I'm assuming here she doesn't speak my language, maybe she was just timid)

    End of interaction. I guess I could have said something in her language, to see if she was open.

    She debarked a bit later and said "Bye!"

    So yeah, it's something I guess. My last approaches were mid May I think (even then it was after a long hiatus), so I'm not really having the momentum at the moment. However, the challenge definitely made the approach anxiety manageable in the sense that I can triumph myself over the fear (it's not gone!). Pulling top notch rambles will take more effort (but sometimes you just have to be lucky to find a girl who makes it clear that she doesn't mind talking more)

    By the way, keep it up @Kowe! Looks like you're doing good with your recent approaches.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2021
  8. I like you have this thread and have been keeping updated with it. Ive thought to start doing this but as you said above i "made 101 excuses not to do it" whether when i had an opportunity or the planning on doing it ahead of time. My approach history is limited, perhaps even non existent. 0/100
     
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  9. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man!

    Guys that are interested can always pm me if they want reading material concerning this topic.

    I didn't reinvent the wheel here.
     
  10. SO i havent had many opportunities as of late, not that im doing a whole lot. One kind of popped me in the face today, at the gas station. There were these two girls making a mess after a slushy incident. I saw the perfect opportunity to say something to them. It wasnt much but it was an easy opening and i was able to tease them about the incident in a flirtatious way. It was not much but ill give my self credit for half an approach.
    .5/100
     
  11. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    The 100 cold approaches I logged here, were all cold approaches in foreign countries. But why should I need to hop on a plane to do this?

    I feel like I have to do another 100 approaches, but this time facing my home arena. I feel like that's another challenge and I think I will have to re-learn some things from scratch. New hurdles will manifest themselves for sure.

    The intensity in which I will do approaches will be on the lower side though, I have to study and write in the coming period. I will just remind myself that this counter is active and that I can add the approaches I did to this new 100, thus motivating me to do it when the opportunity is there. Maybe I will take some day trips to cities nearby to do a set of 10 approaches or something... so I can get back home and say that I have faced my fears.

    I have done approaches in my home country (I estimate that I did like 10 openings post-challenge in my country), but I must admit that I never have gotten a number from a day approach in my own country.

    So today I went to a restaurant with a friend and afterwards he suggested going to a park that is close to the restaurant. We drove a bit around but he didn't find the way. My friend parks himself somewhere and looks it up on his phone. The car is standing close to a tennis club and suddenly I see a cute blonde tennis girl walking on the pavement crossing my friend's car. I open my window and ask her where I can find the park. I kind of stutter because I don't even know how that park is called, my friend just mentioned it and wanted to visit it but I don't even know that park, so I barely even knew what I had to ask, so my words didn't come out smoothly ("Excuse me, where is park ____?").

    She was friendly to help, I applied some of the ramble tactics I learned. I tried to get my friend engaged to relief some of the tension because it was his idea to visit the park but it looks like he didn't expect that I'd suddenly open up with a girl from my car seat, he was just looking at his phone. Suddenly he says which park he wants to visit and then she says it's in another town.

    So yeah, let's kick off this challenge 2.0 with this 'car to street' opener. I'm a bit curious what I will get out of this.

    1/100
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2021
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  12. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    So I moved to a city to do a house sitting for a few days for someone.

    When I arrived at the train station of the city (suburb), I asked a girl for directions for a street (sincere question). She spoke French (not my language) so it was hard to get something going (but even if she spoke my language...). She gave me the answer (the street was nearby). I thanked her and that was it.

    So yeah I'm not asking for taps on the shoulder because I asked a girl for directions, it's very mundane. But to be honest, I feel that I have to cross the river by feeling the stones again... It's been a while since I have done this and I'm now doing this on home soil, so I have to learn the ropes again, although all the previous approaches won't be for nothing. I'm keeping in mind that this challenge began with these 'question-answer-bye' interactions, it made me more comfortable chatting up girls. I will try to do some more tomorrow.

    2/100
     
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  13. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Approach anxiety was hitting me pretty hard today

    I missed some opportunities. I walked to the barber in the morning and could have asked a girl I crossed where I can find a particular barber. Note that I'm in a suburb of a city with not too many targets, so seeing an approachable girl is almost like spotting an Easter egg. It makes the regret higher when chickening out.

    The barber cut my hair way too short, I don't like the military haircut too much. Anyway, instead of whining about my haircut, I take a walk and look for a park. Suddenly, a cute girl crosses my path and I open up with "Excuse me, where can I find the closest park?". She pointed to a park and I asked her where the bigger park is of this town. I ask her how to get there. She explains which bus I have to take, asking me if I have the app for the bus schedule etc. I tried to ramble a bit on how I'm house sitting and I'm looking for things to do but nothing akin to a personal chat emerged, I feel that I wasn't too far away from making her ask a personal question, but since it has been a while, I wasn't very 'smooth'. When the conversation dried up and she started to walk away I took an attempt to make it personal by asking her "By the way, are you Albanian?" (she had a Mediterranean look). She laughed and said no, and kept on walking. I guess I could have rambled more, it was better than nothing I guess (there was a language barrier also, I'm in a city where the main language is not my language).

    My eye contact could have been better though. I took glimpses of my surroundings and saw for example a car passing by where the guys were watching what I did, but who cares.

    Maybe tomorrow I'll try a 'where is the print shop' or 'where is the Lidl' opener.

    3/100
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2021
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  14. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Gonna make this short. It's fun to write extensively about this but time is a factor.

    1. I saw an Asian (Japanese I think) girl at a radio tent that had a piano etc. on a square. After I did my groceries, I headed back home. I suddenly cross her path so I ask her "Are you going to play the piano?" She says she is going to play the saxophone (live music). I ask her when she will play. I throw in some bait that I play piano myself and that I noticed the piano. She has to play in half an hour so she looked a bit in a hurry (I guess she went to buy something), not down for a chat.

    2. I opened up with a group of 2 girls in a park. They were standing somewhere. I asked them where the 'Music Kiosk' is because I saw signs of that in the park. Language barrier. They pointed to a woman they knew whom I can ask the question to, who was playing with her kid a bit further.

    3. Same park. Group of 2 girls, they were shortly taking a break from jogging. I asked them where the exit of the park is. They said they just moved into town. Language barrier again. Weak rambles.

    4. Girl waiting on her bus. Asked for directions (church). She answers. Language barrier. But I do manage a ramble in French. I said something that I just rearrived in my country again (which is a half truth, it's been some months now). She asks me where. Albania. She's half Albanian and has visited Albania, what a coincidence. Chatted about that and a bit about our country and its particularities. This chat was pretty decent. Her bus arrives, but didn't go for the number... I had to act more swiftly I guess.

    Did another direction opener with 2 girls (which did entail a chat that was a bit more informal than an average direction question) but I'm not going to count it as I wasn't attracted to them.

    7/100
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2021
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  15. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    Oh, man, I'm really sorry about that! I did not mean it with anything bad, but I promise you, if you appear more confident and prepared, you would definitely have much better success and I genuinely said as an encouragement.

    What happened to 108th, that seemed to have gone well?

    I think of starting this challenge, because I always go in my head "you're making this too generic, you're not getting personal enough" and I *NEED* to get a thought of this - what would I say, what would I do in a cold approach. Like, when you were waiting for the train with the "London girl", perhaps you don't go for that extremely informative and generic information of having friends there (or the writers from that area) - you could maybe come up with a funny story related to it - something that she can laugh along with, maybe prompt her to tell a story to, if you're really looking for success in cold approaches, I honestly think your best bet is just being more personal. Personal not in a "I want your hand on my shaft" way, but more of a:
    "btw, just have to mention that I love your manicure - I started taking notice of that after I did my nails once for Halloween!"
    That is a compliment, a solid reason for the compliment and something about you all in one sentence.
    With people I didn't know before (but was in a place of a common gathering, so it was easier), I've even used covid and metal concerts as an opening conversation.

    I take it you have interests, you have hobbies and funny stories about you that you can link up and actually be a prepared and a genuine version of yourself :) Because I would really love to read on a story about you here that's more personal and ultimately - a success.
     
  16. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    I thought it would be cool to hit 10 before leaving the city and returning to the countryside. 3 direction openers, not glamorous, I know. But I did overcome fear.

    1. Asked a girl which tram I had to take and where I can find the tram stop. She explained. Tried to ramble and throw in personal information (how I'm house sitting, how I'm looking for a Latin-American shop that sells special tea etc.) but then she just returned to my question and repeated her answer, which made me move on. Should have tried more to really feel that rejection.

    2. A group of 2 girls. They were both in sport outfit for tennis. Did a 'which tram do I have to take in order to get to ____'. Language barrier. Weak ramble. Bad logistics (at the traffic light).

    3. Similar situation as 2.

    I have to try harder in terms of keeping the conversation going.

    This did put me in a social mood and I found myself chatting up a Macedonian cleaning lady (in her 30s, not attracted) at a building, also asking for directions (sincere). This did lead to a chat and she asked my Facebook/Instagram at the end, but I had to disappoint her with the fact that I don't have that. I'm not going to count this.

    I'm flirting with the idea of trying something more direct now that I'm a bit more comfortable chatting up girls in general.

    10/100
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2021
  17. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    tenor.gif

    Putting the gif as a little joke, but that does seem like a good episode and may be very helpful for when you want something to happen.
     
  18. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    It is and can be helpful. But the fact is that I had no interest in this particiluar woman. I just had a friendly chat with her. I think she just wanted my social network for fun.

    If I really wanted to hang out whilst she suggests exchanging social media, I'd insist on WhatsApp (like I did with my previous approaches). And if she would keep insisting on Facebook/Instagram, then I don't think she would be interested in the first place, but rather to just have you as an 'online asset' in her friend/follower list.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2021
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  19. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    I think there's some sinister faith at play here.

    So, after I posted here at @Kowe that I want to try cold approaches for real, the weirdest thing happened.

    I go to the metro station and there's a well dressed guy with a 20 bill that can't get a ticket, because the machine doesn't accept 20ies. When he asked me if I can give him two 10s, I didn't have it, but I just lend him enough coins for the ticket. I figured, he's not a beggar, so why not do this. He was like, give me your phone number so I can return you the money, but I just waved and said no need. We eventually met up later in the metro and shared a few more lines, but that was that.

    Then, when I got off the metro, a girl in front of me almost fell because someone had spilled his drink on the floor. I took my earphones off and she prompted a convo (as I was walking behind her and saw her almost falling), saying she could've fell really badly. I agreed but was surprised by this ever occurring, so couldn't think of anything further to add. She worked at a bakery I know from my salesman days (she was wearing a branded shirt), but by the time I figured to engage, she was already in another direction. This was fun and exhilarating and Imma call it 1 out 100, even though she started it.

    Next time, I will.
     
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  20. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    2/100.

    Man, this shit is easy on the train.

    Every girl I meet on this I'll call with different letters of the alphabet, so since this is my 1st approach, lets call her Abigail.

    So, I usually get a first class ticket, but the cashier must've misheard me or forgot because she gave me a second class ticket.
    I have to switch wagons and in the cabin that's my seat are a young woman and her son (about...10yo?)

    I see that she's hot (like, from the weather, I'll talk looks later), so I asked if she wanted to crack a window open and she said that the one in our cabin always goes back up. I've gotten used to "blocking" it from going up again, and I usually carry a lot of napkins with me, so I managed to block the window to stay open by shunning the napkin on the side of the window and she thanked me.

    I kept browsing on my phone for the next half hour or so without saying anything.

    Afterwards I opened up with a funny story that my dad told me about the trains, and she replied with one herself about a plane that was built from the manuscript of students - when the students learned that the plane is based on their work, all of them exited it and only their professor remained on it. When they asked him why, he replied "I'm confident...that it won't start at all."

    So that got the ball rolling and we talked about all kinds of stuff - most important notes, she's a painter and a photographer, very artsy person altogether. I guess she's divorced cause they were going back from one city to another after 'visiting the kid's dad'. I asked if there's any place I could see her work and she promptly suggested Facebook and Instagram (gonna open up with a message about getting her Insta later when I write to her) and she told me her name to add her on FB.

    Body-wise she's pretty slim and with a charming smile.
    There was ofc a small red flag as well, as she stated her views that covid vaccines should be mandatory.
    I politely replied that while I'm not a conspiracy theorist, there's no guarantees what could be possible after-effects of it and vaccine producers are completely free of guilt, should anything come up.

    In the last 10-15 minutes before I had to leave for my stop, I asked the kid what games he likes to play and he completely hijacked the conversation. I apologized politely that I had to end the boy's rant midway, because I'm getting off soon and wished them a safe travel to the next city.

    Her FB status says she's in a relationship, but I don't see any guy pictures and that's a conversation for later down the line anyway.



    I cannot recommend this video enough for anyone doing this.
    Keeping it personal and sharing stuff about you can be extremely rewarding in that convo.

    Maybe an important note on why I'm doing this:
    It's not to get laid, I'm not a "player".
    I actually enjoy the conversations and meeting new people.
    But if something comes out it, hey...I'm not gonna run away.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2021

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