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Shame and its correlation with addiction

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by SerpentEagleHeart, Jul 26, 2015.

  1. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    Just rediscovered these TED Talk videos and this quote from the second one which is very helpful, so thought I'd share:

    "Shame and guilt are different. Shame is 'I am bad', guilt is 'I did something bad'. Guilt: 'I'm sorry I made a mistake'. Shame: 'I'm sorry I am a mistake'. And here's what you need to know: shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction'.

    And here's what you need to know more: guilt, is inversely correlated!"



     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2015
    cryptifly, Kurapika 2 and Arley like this.
  2. Arley

    Arley Fapstronaut

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    One of the great things about Nofap.com and sharing one's difficulties with others Are also experiencing them is shame reduction.

    There's a lot of pieces to the puzzle of why we "act out" with pmo and avoiding the toxic feeling of shame is certainly one of them - maybe the main one.
     
  3. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    YES YES YES YES!! We must spread the word of Brene Brown! Read her books, they're even better than her videos. This stuff is sooo important to this process of nofap! Shame hurts all of us and this addiction is a breeding ground for shame.
     
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  4. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    Not read her books but will get on it cos of your recommendation! She's brill! Which book should I start on do you think?
     
  5. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    They're all really good as they have the same general message of being vulnerable, but I would start with The Gifts of Imperfection first. Daring Greatly is the next best. She also has a new one coming out called Rising Strong which is being released Aug. 25th. I'll probably wait awhile before getting that, but I'm sure it's going to be great!
     
  6. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    Ah great thanks! Will do!
     
  7. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    UPDATE:

    I think I have found out how to get rid of shame.

    For ages I always thought 'I shouldn't be ashamed of myself', but that never stopped me being ashamed. I would get memories of 'shameful' incidents in my life and literally cringe up and sometimes even say 'no!' to myself if I was alone.

    However, I recently discovered that the best way to get rid of these feelings is instead of saying 'no' and resisting the feeling of shame, instead I should totally accept. For example, I might remember a shameful episode in my life and instead of cringing and resisting it and saying 'no' to it, I would instead accept that it happened. That happened. It happened. It's fine.

    And then you feel much better! Try it for yourself!
     
  8. Arley

    Arley Fapstronaut

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    Also it's a matter of context and perception. Do I choose to view uncomfortable events in my life as evidence that I'm not living up to some ideal of perfection and thus in a condemning way? Or do I choose to view them as endearing foibles to be take as just a humorous part of participating in the human condition?
     
  9. Sure that in itself can be shaming ;)
    Sure I understand but that wasn't enough for me. One thing that really swung the door for me was realizing that I approached social situations with a strong need to 'get' something, affirmation, appreciation, love, sex.... and when I did not get these things I'd have a ton of negativity that sometimes was directed at the ppl in the social situations (they are morons anyway), but usually got directed back at myself (I was such a moron to not get my needs met), and I would typically be transfixed by the cool and / or beautiful who seemed to effortlessly get the same needs met.
    So the crux for me is not approaching a social situation from the perspective of getting something but instead of expecting nothing... and instead giving. This is also not a total solution to my emotional issues but it mostly knocks the leg out from under my cyclic shaming cycle
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2015
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  10. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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