my world is about to fall apart.

Hi All - I just posted my first post this morning before my husband woke up. I confronted him this morning, which of course made him exceeding furious and then i said i wasn't living like this anymore and he basically said "great let's split up" and left the house super angry and furious and said f you.

this of course has happened before, the extreme anger when he's been confronted, the denial, the excuses, the leaving. The thing is - I don't want to live like this. I want him to fight for his family, for his own damn life and brain, for his own happiness, but it just never ever seems like he wants to.

What on earth should I do? we have a young daughter and i want more than anything in the world to provide her with the happy and solid home and family that she so well deserves. Instead, my husband's pornography addiction (which he believes is NO BIG DEAL) is absolutely unequivocally annihilating our lives.

ps. when confronted with the concrete evidence, which he STILL denies, even though it's right there in his phone, he turned around and said that it was all me. that i talk too much and blab and say every thought in my head and he can't stand it. Wanna know what's even *funnier* about that? that was the EXACT dialogue from a cheesy sitcom we watched yesterday used by the man on the show who was in trouble with his wife for being deceitful and dishonest etc.

I feel like my world is seriously falling apart, fast, like free-falling fast.

 

I have definitely turned to God for help with this, but I do not have a Church that I belong to nor a minister. I don't tell anyone about this, it's too shameful. In addition, I have suggested marriage counseling (refused) and the closest counselor for me is an hour away because of the rural area we are in. I do find solace in these posts on all the forums; the only way I see to resolve this is to deal with the issue with my husband, and since he refuses, I am pretty low at the moment. In addition, i actually believe him, nearly all the time, that this is my fault. If only I did this or that differently.....oh it's such a terrible place to be. And I am losing hope that it will ever change....and cannot deal with the idea of losing my family. terrible. I thank you so much for your response to me, i really appreciate it. I wish I knew what to do to get him to see.....how this has destroyed us. Is it possible that a person does not care for the real people in his life over the porn? I get addictions like heroin and such that are physical, but this just goes beyond me.

 

Septimus and The Eleven - you are both giving me great advice, and this is so helpful to me. you are both correct. He needs to shape up or ship out. It's true. I am afraid to lose him, yes, but I have already lost him, in reality. his physical presence being absent would be strange, but he was gone mentally many years ago.
And I ALSO agree that talking to someone would be the most huge relief, even typing to you all is giving me tremendous relief from the burden I feel....and I am all about the truth. I don't think we will ever solve this without confronting the truth, however painful and awful it may be. I may indeed have a role in this, but I do not want to hear that if my boobs were big and false and i lost 5 pounds or whatever he wouldn't do it, because I have heard enough of that for a lifetime. ! but the truth about how i make him feel and the role that plays in his life or anything i can do to make life for all of us better, i am all for that kind of truth.

 

thank you keepingon29 and Lightningbob1964, your encouragement and empathy are so helpful to my hurting heart. I am going to ask him to watch the movie you linked, I really appreciate it.