I want Hope.....not shame

It's so frustrating to be living a dual personality.

Things I do watching porn and watching porn itself is far from anything anyone around me knows about me.

We never can fully understand what porn has done to us.

 

Acceptance is truly the first step to recovery. My boyfriend was first exposed to porn 40 years ago. I know that doesn’t mean he’s been constantly looking at it since, but he got to a pretty intense point of his addiction. To the point where he couldn’t concentrate on progressing in his life. He put off a lot of his life because of the shame and the PIED. We met and I guess he was convinced he could beat his addiction alone and I’d never know. After a year together, I was in love and didn’t know anything was wrong. Then he told me. It hurt. It’s been a year since he told me and it still hurts. It isn’t easy but we’re working together.

But openness is the only way, in my opinion, to have a chance at recovery and to reconstruct the life you made. Let your wife know about the significant others group on here, “bloom for women” and PartnerHope. There’s something called “Betrayal Trauma” that we can’t help but feel. She’s not a lone either.

It’s possible to recover and manage your addiction, it has to be. And you are far from being alone. And the fact that you’re here means you have made a choice to do that.

Also, I think it’s important to not try to beat it on your own, not only should your wife be you confidante, but I would say programs, groups, therapy are great options.

Wish you luck!

 

Can relate to your story, similar one to mine and I'm older than you and married also. I'm about 8 months into recovery and the first 5-6 months were very difficult in my relationship with my spouse, who was dealing with all the betrayal trauma I caused. It took a lot of work on my part, with a therapist, a NoFap weekly group, a SAA group, and NoFap accountability partner, reading books, podcasts, etc., and her own therapist, to help us navigate the difficult waters and rebuild our relationship. You've got to want to gain recovery for you, to become the man you were born to be, with honesty, integrity, lived values, purpose, before you can be that man that she needs in a relationship. You can work on you and the relationship simultaneously, but it's tricky and you need help from other live human beings. Seek the help, dive in with both feet, sturdy yourself for the ups and downs, and you will get through this. I wish only the best for you and your spouse, and may you attain recovery.

JoyBlack3891 is spot on with her comments. There is a group in here for significant others of us addicts which may be useful to your wife.

Another guy in a similar situation as us and who has some good, relevant posts in here is LuckyDog. You can review one of his with the link below.
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...uggle-with-pmo-addiction.306344/#post-3030605

 

You're on the right track man, since you want to get better, a very positive sign.

 

in fact, I thought I was the only one.. I think that I should read a lot of literature to come to your thoughts.

 

Hi Tree102 and welcome to Nofap. Loved your share. Really open and raw. Though, sorry for the pain you're going through. You're definitely in a great place to start the unfolding journey of recovery. I look forward to reading more!

All the best and best of luck