I think I realised what I get out of femdom

That's a Beta Mindset. Here's what femdom is saying, "My Life is in ruins, my home is in shackles! All the men of the world are to blame!"

If you continue to be a good guy, you going to be a "Save-a-needy" hero. This will cost you everything. Your soul, your home, what you are made of, what you've built.

Switch over to a bad guy (But not morally bad), your going to strive for excellence. If they want you, you turn them away. If you want them, they need to prove they are not needy, distrustful. You don't let your dick do the thinking, you let your brain do it. You shut down your primal mind of "I need to stick my dick in a .......!", and start listening to your Rational mind that says "I can't ruin my life again, all thanks to sticking my junior in the wrong place."

Strive for excellence, man. If you continue to be a Beta, that's all women will see of you. A money bag, with a dildo to boot. Start training your brain to go Alpha, what happens? You have more energy, a greater desire to build, your discernment is sharper, you respect yourself better, your fear is quieter.

How do you train to be an Alpha? First, you run. Then you lift. Then you read. Other sites will say the same thing, books say the same thing. But completing it is harder than it seems.

Try it, man. But take babysteps.

 

I get your point, but all in all just get rid of the beta/alpha thing in general. What your saying essentially is take responsibility as a man, and I agree with that.

However, with femdom you're trying to reduce triggers, alpha and beta aren't really real and someone can get their head obsessed with the two words, those words themselves are used in porn.

Atomic lets be real, were all men who are no different to others but have this unfortunate addiction on the side that begins playing with our head. It's real and it is damaging, and it's all well deriving where the desire for it comes from, but as long you stay on track to recovery in terms of journaling - relapse reports - accountability this is what really matters. I'm at the stage right now where I'm beginning to do less of it, because my mind feels like it's fully recovered, but i guarantee this complacency will lead to a relapse if I'm not aware of my mental wellbeing.

conclusion:
Awareness is key
Take responsibility
Take action

You know best what's best for you, i just hit you up with my take thats all

 

Yep. But dealing with real women is much harder than dealing with a screen. Why? Screens don't talk back.

Focus on Real Life. Its tough, and you will hit the Flatlines. But that's the joy of it. If you hit the Flatlines, how soon will you be back to 100% "I'm ready to rock the world!" attitude?

See 5 steps ahead of everything. Its tougher than it sounds.

 

its very simple why you are addicted, its a much stronger high.

its like you were expecting to smoke weed but they sneaked in heroine. it can happen to everyone all they have to do is watch honestly it be strange if you didn't take to it.

in a very specific way, its like normal porn when you first started, it was dangerous, it was risky, it heightened your senses and made you feel alive in every second, therefore amplifying the effects.

 

This feeling of "lacking control" is a common feature of all forms of obsessional neurosis, or as they call it today, obsessive compulsive disorder.

For example, it is said that anorexic behaviours are a response to this feeling of lacking control, so the anorexic assets themselves in refusing food, thereby supposedly gaining a measure of control over their existential situation.

In your case, you seem to be saying that the obsessional controlling aspects of your behaviour are clearly apparent in your everyday life, so you act out with porn to take a break or rest from your regimented self-discipline, which must take an enormous amount of nervous energy to maintain.

You are wound-up so tight, so you use porn to "let go" and "lose yourself" for a time.

 

I see, it's also like you said though, you're into femdom because of previous experiences, your mind has associated pleasure with those experiences. you've done more than me in terms of recovery but surely you'll find that no matter what, you won't find happiness in this genre. How were you feeling during the times where you were away from femdom for a solid 2 months?

 

maybe you where able to drop the other extreme porn so easy because you had were using this other extreme type of porn, or something else in your life put you in a similar mode, its like a fight or flight but porn is physically safe, so it feels like a near miss which spikes dopamine higher than anything else combined with the fight or flight heightened your senses and your awareness of what's about to go down, you to start the go into the mode before you even switched on the extreme porn, just like when you first started watching normal porn. this mode its like adrenaline or something its very addictive there doesn't need to be a deeper reason anything that gets you into this mode will make you forget about all your other worries its a fantastic stress reliever

but they're programming you while you watch, to come back, a smile and nod, an accepting non verbal body language, just before the suggestion. tricks your brain to turn you on to stuff you wouldn't normally be turned on by, to get you to accept stuff you would normally accept, to create triggers you wouldn't normally have.

 

Never thought i'd see Pavlov's experiment again. True say though. Abstaining completely from using the 'bell' will eventually remove that necessity for the 'bell' to get dopamine. We're not dogs, so we actually have an educated choice in terms of abstinence.

 

Just some cruder words that the mods didn't like. New guy here, now I know what the mods are requesting in language decorum.

Well, why I buy the Alpha/Beta/Omega mindset is because it's a level.

What makes an Omega? Your a dummy, thorough and thorough, only used when convient.

What makes you a Beta? You have the resources, some abilities, but you're either a No-man or a Yes-man. With clingy issues.

What makes you an Alpha? You control your world, and only you allow what in, and what you kick out. Your thirst is great, but it also your greatest weapon and greatest backfire. They know their attention is valuable, and that's why they can afford porn. If they get stressed, they cope, deflate, or release in a healthy way.

Looking at some examples, Terry Crews. Super strong guy by Choice, but a victim of Porn as well. He got help, he chose his path, and it was hard for him.

We can choose easy, but we lost that right when we chose to NoFap.

 

I'm going to throw a anecdotal curve ball in and say that predominantly Domination Porn would always depict the female as the submissive. This is an extension of the patriarchy society for some time. Femdom hence has this extra attraction due to the exciting and/or unfamiliar role-reversal element in my opinion. It surely has to be one of the genres with the biggest growth in the past 10-20 years... the number of posts about it on this forum would certainly suggest so...

This attraction to femdom can easily extend to IRL (beyond the screen). In this modern age with growing gender equality, female empowerment etc. I don't necessarily think it makes you a weak or 'beta' male to enjoy or embrace this perspective.

BUT...it is easy to get hooked, and with that does come a loss of masculinity and self-esteem. Ultimately most women desire a man to be strong, domineering, confident. These traits tend to contradict with the desire of the Femdom obsessed male submissive unfortunately... unless you're willing to pay £££...

Just my 2 cents anyway. Hope it helps

 

It has a powerful pull that's for sure. The Femdom I mean, not the gruel ;-)