45 days and counting

Hello folks,

This is my first post here but I've been a lurker for months. Today I reached 45 days of no PMO in hardmode so I figured I would post to offer some encouragement because this forum has helped me greatly. I've been keeping a daily journal so maybe I will post that after I hit 90 days.

A little bit of background on me. When I was younger (like almost 40 years ago) I figured out that MO was a good way to relieve acute anxiety and have used it as a crutch for that purpose ever since. Since the availability of high speed internet porn I have been sucked into the PMO trap really hard. It's been a major part of my life since at least 2009. I have had problems with delayed ejaculation and PIED for years and it has badly effected my relationships and my ability to relate to women in general. My last sexual encounters have been disappointing to say the least as have many, many others and my confidence has been shot due to the PIED. I've passed on many opportunities with women and been completely unable to perform sexually the times I have tried.
I did nofap for a while, maybe almost a year, back in 2018 and during that time I had zero problems with PIED so I know nofap works like a champ and the urges to PMO get managable. After my last failed attempt at sex I decided to do nofap again and do it right by which I mean forever. I want to find a wife and get married again and I can't imagine how I could do it and still use porn. I've been in hard mode for 45 days so far and have tried to push any sexual imagery out of my head as soon as it arises.

So here is some info I hope some will find helpful. Although I don't feel any "super powers" after 45 days I definitely feel less anxiety, more clarity and more confidence. It's easier to look women in the eye and relate to them. They look sexier to me. Not just sexier but more attractive in general. Sometimes it seems like they almost glow. It's easier to flirt and pay attention too. My body feels better and my posture has noticably improved. Morning wood is rare but nocturnal wood is fairly reliable and erection quality is about 70% so I'm not out of the woods yet but better for sure. My mental state has dramatically improved. I find myself laughing a lot and sleeping better. I've also discovered that I use way less weed and I'm not even trying to quit smoking it. None of these changes are subtle. They are real and big. Even though I still have urges and I've noticed some mood swings and agitation I am way better off than before starting nofap and during that first five weeks. I expect that things might get worse again at some point but I will keep on. I'll post my journal after 90 days and detail any major ups and downs I have.

The first few weeks were quite difficult I'm not gonna lie. I had a 2 week libido flatline and some pretty bad feelings of depression, hopelessness, and irritability which continued for weeks. My internal voice was telling me that it's not worth it and that nothing will work out so why bother continuing. I actually felt sad as if I'd suffered a great loss and almost relapsed several times. During that time this forum and the stories of other guys' success and struggles helped immeasurably. God bless every one of you beautiful people who contribute to this community.
It was very rough up until day 37 when I woke up feeling different and like something in my mind had shifted. Just like that. I woke up and while I was cooking breakfast I was singing and dancing and laughing. I can't remember the last time I felt so good. It's stayed easier since that day. Remember as you are tempted to relapse that you could wake up tomorrow and feel great. Just hang on. One day it will happen and relief could be there when you wake up in the morning. Just don't give in no matter what. You're not dying you just feel like shit. Guys have fallen off of mountains and crawled for days on broken legs to get to help. You're not jacking off for 90 days. Try to put in perspective. Don't be dramatic. You can do it and you will. It's not unbearable because you are bearing it now so if your brain tells you the urges are unbearable call bullshit on that. It's just another dopamine junky trick. Make a game out of trying to catch your brain tricking you into watching porn. Write down what it's telling you and notice if it's a voice or a feeling or what. Figure out it's tricks. It's a primitive part of your brain so it's possible to outsmart it. It's dumber than a chimp and it can't rip your arms off like a chimp so don't be afraid to tell it to fuck off when it starts lying to you. You can bear it. You're doing it now.

The choice we have is between porn addiction and healthy relationships. Pick one. You can exchange one for the other any time you want but you can't have both at the same time.

Peace brothers and sisters. I look forward to reading your success stories. This isn't easy but we're going to do it.

ElSabio

 

It's such a nice break from the cravings. I hope I remember how it feels when the next wave comes!

 

I'm still going. Fifty something days in. I'm glad to hear my post is helpful to you guys. Keep going! Don't give up!!

 

Didn't MO for the first 120 days. Had sex though. Reason for that should be obvious.

 

145 days porn free now.

 

It's my understanding that PM is masturbating to pornography. O is any orgasm from any method. Not worried at all.

 

180 days today!