Every. Single. Person. Can. Change.

ReclaimedLife · May 11, 2021

akascotman said: ↑

When sexual sin takes control it does exactly this, you disgard the person as an image bearer of God and use them as an object, thinking this is what they're also after. It's the ultimate male fantasy to think women view sex this way - a pure lie. We also want this to be true, this way women will be more accessible to us for casual sex. Weak passive men act and think this way as this is the easy road to full-fill our lusts. My GF of 3 years RESPECTS me and I LOVE her exactly because we decided that we are going to be celibate. Women want LOVE and men want RESPECT. Remember this. When you love someone you won't USE them. Women only respects a man who LEADS morally. Forget yourself and women for a second and realise that if you die today you will go to hell as you are sinning agains God. Only by trusting in Jesus Christ and believing/understanding what happened on the cross 2000 years your sins can be forgiven. You must repent and turn from your sins. You are in deep trouble my friend and its because I care for you that I'm writing this. Read the Gospel of John before its too late. What you will gain in return beyond your wildest imagination which only Christ can give.
Click to expand...

You are very welcome to send me a private message from now on, as i will send my response to you via pm. But please refrain from any further religious discussion in my thread.
You can state any opinion you want here as long as you keep religion out of it.

This isn't a religious discussion and I am asking you nicely not to turn it into one. If you want to get your word out like this, please go ahead and open your own thread.

Thank you very much!

sadhu_monk · May 12, 2021

A little late to the party but thanks a ton for sharing your experience and motivating all of us here! I had joined this community last year since I have been facing almost the same issues you have mentioned since my teenage started. I have daydreamed umpteenth times how my life would be without PMO addiction but it has largely remained just that - a daydream. I start, I fail, I go back to my instincts. I start again, fail again and well, story continued. I have realised now that getting over PMO is not really an outcome but a journey and you have to really enjoy each and every moment of that journey to ultimately accomplish what we have set out to. Hope, I would also be able to share similar personal story in near future.

aureliusstrength2005 · May 13, 2021

Hey I just read through the thread and want to say: Thanks so much for your experience. It really motivates me to see that others with the same struggles as me have overcome their vulgar desires to further progress in their life. We must not let these temporary urges take control of our lives, and get the upper hand over PMO. The horrible contingencies coming from pornography validates the need for every one of us to get on this journey of self-discipline. So that we can set to succeed in academics and personal life and business and fitness. Whatever it is, I have hope that everyone in this community will eventually get to where they ultimately want to be. Cheers!

greenishmoon · May 13, 2021

Oh fuck I'm 23 and reading your post made me really feel well.

@ReclaimedLife , man, thanks. Sometimes I think I just won't make it and that I'm trapped here.
I myself thought about doing a Work and Travel, If I have the chance that would be awesome one day.

duellator4viva · Jun 10, 2021

Just read this beautiful story and came at a time that I really needed it. I appreciate the openness and advice of the story. Thank you

Samoctober · Jun 16, 2021

ReclaimedLife said: ↑

Bonjour Everyone.

take a coffee, get some snacks and sit back. This is a long one. Get ready for a ride.

I want to show you that every single man and woman can change their life around if they want to.

Here is my Story.

I had a really, really shitty youth. You can probably imagine getting bullied heavily in school. But can you imagine getting bullied more or less every day, up to the point where 4 other students grab your arms and legs and put you into a trashbin?
Probably not. Nobody can truly understand how it feels to go through something like that if you never experienced really heavy bullying yourself.
That fueled a social anxiety that was unrivalled. Of course i had no relationships with girls at all.
There was more then one occasion where i seriously considered suicide.
I just wanted to go home and play videogames, at least they made my life bearable at the time, ironically making everything worse then better. But as a teenager, you have no idea what videogames and porn will do to you in the long run and frankly, i didn't care. I just wanted to stop the mental and often physical pain i had experienced in school. And of course, Porn came into my life this way as well.

And due to porn, i exhibited extremely horrible body issues, with me being "only" around 5'7"(169cm) and having a below-then-average sized dick, especially in girth.

Now, combine my already non-existent self esteem with looking at porn, where every single fucking hot woman got orgasms and seemed to really enjoy herself, being fucked by a guy that represented everything i wasn't.

Because of that, I thought i wasn't supposed to sleep with women at all. Nature just put me here to work, and never to either have sex or produce any children. I wanted to kill myself, because i was thinking that i wasn't worthy while still having the urge to sleep with a beautiful woman, which is detrimental for the mind.

And then, being fully out of options, having never had any attraction towards girls or managed to get a kiss, and at the age of 25, i just couldn't take it anymore.
I wanted to know what it feels like to have sex, so i did the one thing i swore to myself i didn't want to do. I went to a beautiful girl, and payed her for making my first time as amazing as she can. For some awkward reason, she actually did. I know i paid. But there was no second involved where she made me feel bad about it. I got the "Girlfriend Experience" with a lot of eye contact and kisses. And let me make one thing clear.
I NEVER wished for this to happen. Having to pay to experience my first time. And that is probably the only thing i would love to scratch from my Life. But i can't, and it will always be a part of me. And whatever lead up to this, my first time was still nice. For all the wrong reasons anyone can list on this planet, but nothing said here will change how i felt when it happened. I did not feel bad for one second, knowing that my first time was with someone who took her time, made me feel comfortable and was never pushy. I am also fully aware that i just got lucky. The chances of finding a girl like that who, despite the situation still made me feel good about myself is a miracle in itself. I am grateful to this day that it happened like this. It could have easily been the worst first time anyone could possibly imagine.

Of course, it didn't change one bit of how i was feeling about myself, my life or women. No sex in the world will magically give you any kind of boost in confidence if it wasn't earned. And my first time was not earned. It was paid for.

A few years later, I made a vow to myself to never pay for sex, ever in my life again.
And to this day, i do not count this as my real first time. If people ask me, i am happily telling them that i was a virgin until 31.
Because technically, i only count losing my virginity with someone who actually really wants to sleep with me.
I technically more or less lost my virginity twice in my Life.
While the first girl got my body, the second got my body, heart and soul. (More on that later : )
You have to decide how you want to look at this yourself.

And i knew, if i wanted to overcome my issues with women, i needed a more drastic change.

And i needed a strong push. And when my brother decided to go to Australia for a year, i said to myself... "AH FK IT! I AM QUITTING MY JOB AND I AM GOING AS WELL"

Keep in mind that i was 29 years old at the time and still living with my parents, spending the days with playing videogames on the PC after work and watching porn more or less every day, and trust me, i have seen probably seen almost everything that is out there.
Everything.

But going to Australia to do work and travel was the best decision in my life to date.

In Australia i learned to take care of myself, nobody was able to dictate what i had or didn't have to do and i was fully responsible for my life, for the first time ever.

Next to working, I went Skydiving and bungee-jumping against my fear or heights(My fear of heights is MUUUUUCH better now. Its not gone but compared to before, Ye-Haaaaaa!)
I dived with Great White Sharks in a cage(Best moment of my Life to this day!!!)
Went in a Cage and met a Saltwater Crocodile in a pool directly in front of me
Saw Crocodiles in a river in the Wild
Tackled my fear of Dogs and actively surrounded myself with them as much as i could.
(My fear of Dogs is almost 100% gone now)
Did a 4-week-Acting-Class (always wanted to do that)

And the most important part of all in regards to my personal development...

I had three relationships with girls, dated them and eventually seduced one of them,
had my first Kiss with a girl i seduced by myself, and asked her if i could come to Bali with her. When she said yes in the end, i knew i will sleep with her later as well.

I was watching porn while i was in Australia on and off, but WAAAAAY less. And i stopped watching porn the second i knew that i was able to go to Bali with that girl.

I knew by then what i had to do. I had to take responsibiltiy for that time with her. I couldn't "just go". i wanted too make that time of my life to be as beautiful as i could possibly make it, and i would make damn fuking sure that i did every single preperation that you can think of to give us both a good time... Here is my "Battleplan":

1) No Porn, no masturbation (nobrainer for me, didn't know about Nofap but already knew how bad porn is for my brain),

2) Looking up every single sexposition i could find on the internet which is dedicated to my smaller sized dick, so we can both have fun with each other,

3) Looking up EVERYTHING i could find on how to make a woman happy and relaxed, both mentally and physically.

4) I fully dropped my confidence issues. For all she knows, i had a too much of it.
I never mentioned my dick and just saw it as a part of me.

The best part was, i finally got the confirmation that dominance towards a woman is in no way related to a man's height or dick-size.
Due to porn i thought all my life i wasn't supposed to be dominant or assertive, even though my whole body knew that deep within me, that is who i am.
And low and behold... i am. 1 faking Girl was enough to confirm this.

The time we spend was magical and every aspect of it made me grow exponentially.
It really was the female-relationship equivalent to a Bungee-Jump.
1 Experience that changed everything in my life in that area
Suddenly, my brain flipped the switch.

I am able to seduce a beautiful Girl.

I am able to say "No!" to a girl and am willing to walk away if i have to.(Most important lesson at all!!!!)

I am not just able to have amazing, fulfilling sex that is just beautiful, but also create that on my own. Fkn amazing feeling.

I am confident in my ability to be with any girl i am interested in.

I learned to love and cherish having a connection with a girl before sleeping with her.
It's probably not needed to have sex, but it improves the quality of the sex exponentionally.

I still suffered from a light form of PIED while i was with her. I couldnt get hard whenever i wanted and also couldn't stay hard all the time.
But considering how much porn i watched before, and that my sexuality was "build" from porn it went so amazingly well, it didnt really matter.
I already knew how to work around it and made sure she was feeling good every day, whether we had sex or not.

Of course, i was an extreme case of social awkwardness, wrong believes, terrible body-image, wrong thoughts about sex, shyness and having literally 0 confidence in myself towards woman.

But everyone can change. It's just important that you learn to live.
You can't just go Nofap and expect your life to be beautiful after 90 days if you have other issues going on as well.
You need to tackle fucking everything.

BAN PORN FOREVER!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Ban social media like twitter, facebook and instagram.
Face ALL of your fears.
Work on your career.
Work on yourself.
Become an amazing lover.
Become a great and reliable Friend.
Be genuinly interested in people.
Kick out people that aren't helping you grow and aren't making you feel good about yourself.
Start reading every day.
Exercise regularly.
Take cold showers.
try to learn something new whenever you have time.
Start to (learn to) dance
Enjoy singing

I knew what i had to do with my problems.
And i know that i am still flawed and have areas that i need to work on.
There is still a LONG road i have to walk until i get where i want to be.
But compared to what kind of person i was before...
My old self is crying with tears of happiness after seeing what i managed to accomplish.

NEVER GIVE UP!
FIGHT FOR YOUR HAPPINIESS!
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE!
LIFE GIVES YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE AND WORK FOR! Not what you THINK you deserve...

My Story can be yours as well.

But you have to want it.
INGITE YOUR FLAME FOR THE LIFE YOU WANT.
And you have to put in the work.
So, put in the faking work.

EDIT: After around half a year, i had my first encounter with a woman i really enjoy being with and who really only likes vanilla-sex.
And i was able to sleep with her the first time she came home with me.
We took our time, never made it a priority and in the end, i was able to sleep with her. And the second time she came over i was able to go more than once while she was there.
Sneaky Edit 2: She isn't vanilla anymore. Sex is like dancing. If you work together well, she will feed off your confidence and relax and open up more.
Never complain.
Always empower.
Complaining leads to less and worse Sex.
Empowering always leads to more and gradually better Sex.
Be patient and be rewarded : )

I never thought this would be possible, and i am attributing EVERYTHING in this regard to quitting porn entirely and my ability to rewire my brain to regular women.

And for everyone on this Journey, all i can say it that it is definitely worth it.
Of course i have had severe depression in the meantime. I was down and felt that Life has no meaning. We all go through this. But i was armed with knowledge.
I knew that the flatlines will come.
I knew that i will sink into a depression because of it.
I knew i will have urges.
I knew I will still get flashbacks from porn, even after all this time.

But i knew that my will to be able to be with a regular women is stronger than all of the above.

Guys. The bad times will come to an end.
But you gotta push through them to get the reward.

And the reward is a beautiful sexuality that can be shared with someone else. But it switches from a necessity to a bonus. I am at a point where i see women literally as just a bonus in my Life. I have no right to be with them and also no obligations towards them either.
I let it flow like the water when it comes to them.
The only thing that is my responsibility is to pick one where I am pretty sure that i am going to have a good time with. Choosing responsibly is the first priority in my Life. With the right Person, there is no bad Sex, because its about the intimacy you share.

You can all do it. I did it. Which i never thought i would. But since i made it this far, so can you.

Beat this fucking shitty addiction that screws over your Life.
DON'T DO IT FOR ANY WOMAN! YOU MUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF!
Click to expand...

Wonderful post ...cheers.

Deleted Account · Jul 14, 2021

ReclaimedLife said: ↑

Beat this fucking shitty addiction that screws over your Life
Click to expand...

I will

BurningThisBridge · Jul 16, 2021

Great post mate

Rexbrent · Jul 20, 2021

I am on recovery for 1.7 years , still flatline. I want to marry but can sex undo the brain recovery? I cant check out the girls body if i do so i get anxiety in my brain Any comments pls

ReclaimedLife · Jul 23, 2021

Hey!

To give some kind of advice, I need to know a little bit more about yourself. How old are you, what life circumstances do you currently have and whether you already had good sex and if you have good sex with your future wife, assuming you are together with her.

Rexbrent · Jul 25, 2021

i am 36 years old and on recovery process hard mode for 17 months. i feel recovery in my brain but idk how much healing has been done but sexual urges in brain is not as intense and insane as before. if i still see skin of any girls i get anxiety in my brain . i also want to know if i indulge in sex in future will that fry the again upregulated dopamine bcz sex alos release massive dopamine receptors .life has become hell from this pmo habit

GreyApe · Jul 26, 2021

This was an amazing read! Thank you for sharing your experience, dude, it was a spark of hope in my day today! May your path be open <3

Hopeful Dreamer · Nov 24, 2021

Thanks so much for sharing this, bro you're amazing and really inspiring!
I'm pretty sure one day I'll be able to post my own success story and I won't forget to mention you, all the best man!

MUSTAFA2022 · Jan 2, 2022

ReclaimedLife said: ↑

Bonjour Everyone.

take a coffee, get some snacks and sit back. This is a long one. Get ready for a ride.

I want to show you that every single man and woman can change their life around if they want to.

Here is my Story.

I had a really, really shitty youth. You can probably imagine getting bullied heavily in school. But can you imagine getting bullied more or less every day, up to the point where 4 other students grab your arms and legs and put you into a trashbin?
Probably not. Nobody can truly understand how it feels to go through something like that if you never experienced really heavy bullying yourself.
That fueled a social anxiety that was unrivalled. Of course i had no relationships with girls at all.
There was more then one occasion where i seriously considered suicide.
I just wanted to go home and play videogames, at least they made my life bearable at the time, ironically making everything worse then better. But as a teenager, you have no idea what videogames and porn will do to you in the long run and frankly, i didn't care. I just wanted to stop the mental and often physical pain i had experienced in school. And of course, Porn came into my life this way as well.

And due to porn, i exhibited extremely horrible body issues, with me being "only" around 5'7"(169cm) and having a below-then-average sized dick, especially in girth.

Now, combine my already non-existent self esteem with looking at porn, where every single fucking hot woman got orgasms and seemed to really enjoy herself, being fucked by a guy that represented everything i wasn't.

Because of that, I thought i wasn't supposed to sleep with women at all. Nature just put me here to work, and never to either have sex or produce any children. I wanted to kill myself, because i was thinking that i wasn't worthy while still having the urge to sleep with a beautiful woman, which is detrimental for the mind.

And then, being fully out of options, having never had any attraction towards girls or managed to get a kiss, and at the age of 25, i just couldn't take it anymore.
I wanted to know what it feels like to have sex, so i did the one thing i swore to myself i didn't want to do. I went to a beautiful girl, and payed her for making my first time as amazing as she can. For some awkward reason, she actually did. I know i paid. But there was no second involved where she made me feel bad about it. I got the "Girlfriend Experience" with a lot of eye contact and kisses. And let me make one thing clear.
I NEVER wished for this to happen. Having to pay to experience my first time. And that is probably the only thing i would love to scratch from my Life. But i can't, and it will always be a part of me. And whatever lead up to this, my first time was still nice. For all the wrong reasons anyone can list on this planet, but nothing said here will change how i felt when it happened. I did not feel bad for one second, knowing that my first time was with someone who took her time, made me feel comfortable and was never pushy. I am also fully aware that i just got lucky. The chances of finding a girl like that who, despite the situation still made me feel good about myself is a miracle in itself. I am grateful to this day that it happened like this. It could have easily been the worst first time anyone could possibly imagine.

Of course, it didn't change one bit of how i was feeling about myself, my life or women. No sex in the world will magically give you any kind of boost in confidence if it wasn't earned. And my first time was not earned. It was paid for.

A few years later, I made a vow to myself to never pay for sex, ever in my life again.
And to this day, i do not count this as my real first time. If people ask me, i am happily telling them that i was a virgin until 31.
Because technically, i only count losing my virginity with someone who actually really wants to sleep with me.
I technically more or less lost my virginity twice in my Life.
While the first girl got my body, the second got my body, heart and soul. (More on that later : )
You have to decide how you want to look at this yourself.

And i knew, if i wanted to overcome my issues with women, i needed a more drastic change.

And i needed a strong push. And when my brother decided to go to Australia for a year, i said to myself... "AH FK IT! I AM QUITTING MY JOB AND I AM GOING AS WELL"

Keep in mind that i was 29 years old at the time and still living with my parents, spending the days with playing videogames on the PC after work and watching porn more or less every day, and trust me, i have seen probably seen almost everything that is out there.
Everything.

But going to Australia to do work and travel was the best decision in my life to date.

In Australia i learned to take care of myself, nobody was able to dictate what i had or didn't have to do and i was fully responsible for my life, for the first time ever.

Next to working, I went Skydiving and bungee-jumping against my fear or heights(My fear of heights is MUUUUUCH better now. Its not gone but compared to before, Ye-Haaaaaa!)
I dived with Great White Sharks in a cage(Best moment of my Life to this day!!!)
Went in a Cage and met a Saltwater Crocodile in a pool directly in front of me
Saw Crocodiles in a river in the Wild
Tackled my fear of Dogs and actively surrounded myself with them as much as i could.
(My fear of Dogs is almost 100% gone now)
Did a 4-week-Acting-Class (always wanted to do that)

And the most important part of all in regards to my personal development...

I had three relationships with girls, dated them and eventually seduced one of them,
had my first Kiss with a girl i seduced by myself, and asked her if i could come to Bali with her. When she said yes in the end, i knew i will sleep with her later as well.

I was watching porn while i was in Australia on and off, but WAAAAAY less. And i stopped watching porn the second i knew that i was able to go to Bali with that girl.

I knew by then what i had to do. I had to take responsibiltiy for that time with her. I couldn't "just go". i wanted too make that time of my life to be as beautiful as i could possibly make it, and i would make damn fuking sure that i did every single preperation that you can think of to give us both a good time... Here is my "Battleplan":

1) No Porn, no masturbation (nobrainer for me, didn't know about Nofap but already knew how bad porn is for my brain),

2) Looking up every single sexposition i could find on the internet which is dedicated to my smaller sized dick, so we can both have fun with each other,

3) Looking up EVERYTHING i could find on how to make a woman happy and relaxed, both mentally and physically.

4) I fully dropped my confidence issues. For all she knows, i had a too much of it.
I never mentioned my dick and just saw it as a part of me.

The best part was, i finally got the confirmation that dominance towards a woman is in no way related to a man's height or dick-size.
Due to porn i thought all my life i wasn't supposed to be dominant or assertive, even though my whole body knew that deep within me, that is who i am.
And low and behold... i am. 1 faking Girl was enough to confirm this.

The time we spend was magical and every aspect of it made me grow exponentially.
It really was the female-relationship equivalent to a Bungee-Jump.
1 Experience that changed everything in my life in that area
Suddenly, my brain flipped the switch.

I am able to seduce a beautiful Girl.

I am able to say "No!" to a girl and am willing to walk away if i have to.(Most important lesson at all!!!!)

I am not just able to have amazing, fulfilling sex that is just beautiful, but also create that on my own. Fkn amazing feeling.

I am confident in my ability to be with any girl i am interested in.

I learned to love and cherish having a connection with a girl before sleeping with her.
It's probably not needed to have sex, but it improves the quality of the sex exponentionally.

I still suffered from a light form of PIED while i was with her. I couldnt get hard whenever i wanted and also couldn't stay hard all the time.
But considering how much porn i watched before, and that my sexuality was "build" from porn it went so amazingly well, it didnt really matter.
I already knew how to work around it and made sure she was feeling good every day, whether we had sex or not.

Of course, i was an extreme case of social awkwardness, wrong believes, terrible body-image, wrong thoughts about sex, shyness and having literally 0 confidence in myself towards woman.

But everyone can change. It's just important that you learn to live.
You can't just go Nofap and expect your life to be beautiful after 90 days if you have other issues going on as well.
You need to tackle fucking everything.

BAN PORN FOREVER!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Ban social media like twitter, facebook and instagram.
Face ALL of your fears.
Work on your career.
Work on yourself.
Become an amazing lover.
Become a great and reliable Friend.
Be genuinly interested in people.
Kick out people that aren't helping you grow and aren't making you feel good about yourself.
Start reading every day.
Exercise regularly.
Take cold showers.
try to learn something new whenever you have time.
Start to (learn to) dance
Enjoy singing

I knew what i had to do with my problems.
And i know that i am still flawed and have areas that i need to work on.
There is still a LONG road i have to walk until i get where i want to be.
But compared to what kind of person i was before...
My old self is crying with tears of happiness after seeing what i managed to accomplish.

NEVER GIVE UP!
FIGHT FOR YOUR HAPPINIESS!
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE!
LIFE GIVES YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE AND WORK FOR! Not what you THINK you deserve...

My Story can be yours as well.

But you have to want it.
INGITE YOUR FLAME FOR THE LIFE YOU WANT.
And you have to put in the work.
So, put in the faking work.

EDIT: After around half a year, i had my first encounter with a woman i really enjoy being with and who really only likes vanilla-sex.
And i was able to sleep with her the first time she came home with me.
We took our time, never made it a priority and in the end, i was able to sleep with her. And the second time she came over i was able to go more than once while she was there.
Sneaky Edit 2: She isn't vanilla anymore. Sex is like dancing. If you work together well, she will feed off your confidence and relax and open up more.
Never complain.
Always empower.
Complaining leads to less and worse Sex.
Empowering always leads to more and gradually better Sex.
Be patient and be rewarded : )

I never thought this would be possible, and i am attributing EVERYTHING in this regard to quitting porn entirely and my ability to rewire my brain to regular women.

And for everyone on this Journey, all i can say it that it is definitely worth it.
Of course i have had severe depression in the meantime. I was down and felt that Life has no meaning. We all go through this. But i was armed with knowledge.
I knew that the flatlines will come.
I knew that i will sink into a depression because of it.
I knew i will have urges.
I knew I will still get flashbacks from porn, even after all this time.

But i knew that my will to be able to be with a regular women is stronger than all of the above.

Guys. The bad times will come to an end.
But you gotta push through them to get the reward.

And the reward is a beautiful sexuality that can be shared with someone else. But it switches from a necessity to a bonus. I am at a point where i see women literally as just a bonus in my Life. I have no right to be with them and also no obligations towards them either.
I let it flow like the water when it comes to them.
The only thing that is my responsibility is to pick one where I am pretty sure that i am going to have a good time with. Choosing responsibly is the first priority in my Life. With the right Person, there is no bad Sex, because its about the intimacy you share.

You can all do it. I did it. Which i never thought i would. But since i made it this far, so can you.

Beat this fucking shitty addiction that screws over your Life.
DON'T DO IT FOR ANY WOMAN! YOU MUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF!
Click to expand...

I'm Happy For You Brother. Stand Up For yourself & Take Care Of Yourself. And Live your life to it's fullest potential. You are better Than those bullies.

iamShinra · Jan 3, 2022

ReclaimedLife said: ↑

EVERY FUCKING ONE CAN DO IT IF THEY PUT IN THE FUCKING WORK.
(I am drumming on my chest while i am screaming this at my screen.)
Click to expand...

Brooo this made me Laugh so hard

phoenix_from_ashes · Jan 5, 2022

Thanks for this post. This is very inspiration and like that it is not a one-time post and leave success story but a continually evolving one. I am just on my second week for hard mode and I hope to conquer my fears too and move towards all the dreams that I had when I was a kid.

onestepcloser · Jan 7, 2022

Really good writing, I was immersed in your story.
I saw some similarities in our story, but my journey isn't reach the resolution part yet.
Thank you, I'm feeling stronger

Mateus long · Mar 30, 2023

ReclaimedLife said: ↑

Bonjour Everyone.

take a coffee, get some snacks and sit back. This is a long one. Get ready for a ride.

I want to show you that every single man and woman can change their life around if they want to.

Here is my Story.

I had a really, really shitty youth. You can probably imagine getting bullied heavily in school. But can you imagine getting bullied more or less every day, up to the point where 4 other students grab your arms and legs and put you into a trashbin?
Probably not. Nobody can truly understand how it feels to go through something like that if you never experienced really heavy bullying yourself.
That fueled a social anxiety that was unrivalled. Of course i had no relationships with girls at all.
There was more then one occasion where i seriously considered suicide.
I just wanted to go home and play videogames, at least they made my life bearable at the time, ironically making everything worse then better. But as a teenager, you have no idea what videogames and porn will do to you in the long run and frankly, i didn't care. I just wanted to stop the mental and often physical pain i had experienced in school. And of course, Porn came into my life this way as well.

And due to porn, i exhibited extremely horrible body issues, with me being "only" around 5'7"(169cm) and having a below-then-average sized dick, especially in girth.

Now, combine my already non-existent self esteem with looking at porn, where every single fucking hot woman got orgasms and seemed to really enjoy herself, being fucked by a guy that represented everything i wasn't.

Because of that, I thought i wasn't supposed to sleep with women at all. Nature just put me here to work, and never to either have sex or produce any children. I wanted to kill myself, because i was thinking that i wasn't worthy while still having the urge to sleep with a beautiful woman, which is detrimental for the mind.

And then, being fully out of options, having never had any attraction towards girls or managed to get a kiss, and at the age of 25, i just couldn't take it anymore.
I wanted to know what it feels like to have sex, so i did the one thing i swore to myself i didn't want to do. I went to a beautiful girl, and payed her for making my first time as amazing as she can. For some awkward reason, she actually did. I know i paid. But there was no second involved where she made me feel bad about it. I got the "Girlfriend Experience" with a lot of eye contact and kisses. And let me make one thing clear.
I NEVER wished for this to happen. Having to pay to experience my first time. And that is probably the only thing i would love to scratch from my Life. But i can't, and it will always be a part of me. And whatever lead up to this, my first time was still nice. For all the wrong reasons anyone can list on this planet, but nothing said here will change how i felt when it happened. I did not feel bad for one second, knowing that my first time was with someone who took her time, made me feel comfortable and was never pushy. I am also fully aware that i just got lucky. The chances of finding a girl like that who, despite the situation still made me feel good about myself is a miracle in itself. I am grateful to this day that it happened like this. It could have easily been the worst first time anyone could possibly imagine.

Of course, it didn't change one bit of how i was feeling about myself, my life or women. No sex in the world will magically give you any kind of boost in confidence if it wasn't earned. And my first time was not earned. It was paid for.

A few years later, I made a vow to myself to never pay for sex, ever in my life again.
And to this day, i do not count this as my real first time. If people ask me, i am happily telling them that i was a virgin until 31.
Because technically, i only count losing my virginity with someone who actually really wants to sleep with me.
I technically more or less lost my virginity twice in my Life.
While the first girl got my body, the second got my body, heart and soul. (More on that later : )
You have to decide how you want to look at this yourself.

And i knew, if i wanted to overcome my issues with women, i needed a more drastic change.

And i needed a strong push. And when my brother decided to go to Australia for a year, i said to myself... "AH FK IT! I AM QUITTING MY JOB AND I AM GOING AS WELL"

Keep in mind that i was 29 years old at the time and still living with my parents, spending the days with playing videogames on the PC after work and watching porn more or less every day, and trust me, i have seen probably seen almost everything that is out there.
Everything.

But going to Australia to do work and travel was the best decision in my life to date.

In Australia i learned to take care of myself, nobody was able to dictate what i had or didn't have to do and i was fully responsible for my life, for the first time ever.

Next to working, I went Skydiving and bungee-jumping against my fear or heights(My fear of heights is MUUUUUCH better now. Its not gone but compared to before, Ye-Haaaaaa!)
I dived with Great White Sharks in a cage(Best moment of my Life to this day!!!)
Went in a Cage and met a Saltwater Crocodile in a pool directly in front of me
Saw Crocodiles in a river in the Wild
Tackled my fear of Dogs and actively surrounded myself with them as much as i could.
(My fear of Dogs is almost 100% gone now)
Did a 4-week-Acting-Class (always wanted to do that)

And the most important part of all in regards to my personal development...

I had three relationships with girls, dated them and eventually seduced one of them,
had my first Kiss with a girl i seduced by myself, and asked her if i could come to Bali with her. When she said yes in the end, i knew i will sleep with her later as well.

I was watching porn while i was in Australia on and off, but WAAAAAY less. And i stopped watching porn the second i knew that i was able to go to Bali with that girl.

I knew by then what i had to do. I had to take responsibiltiy for that time with her. I couldn't "just go". i wanted too make that time of my life to be as beautiful as i could possibly make it, and i would make damn fuking sure that i did every single preperation that you can think of to give us both a good time... Here is my "Battleplan":

1) No Porn, no masturbation (nobrainer for me, didn't know about Nofap but already knew how bad porn is for my brain),

2) Looking up every single sexposition i could find on the internet which is dedicated to my smaller sized dick, so we can both have fun with each other,

3) Looking up EVERYTHING i could find on how to make a woman happy and relaxed, both mentally and physically.

4) I fully dropped my confidence issues. For all she knows, i had a too much of it.
I never mentioned my dick and just saw it as a part of me.

The best part was, i finally got the confirmation that dominance towards a woman is in no way related to a man's height or dick-size.
Due to porn i thought all my life i wasn't supposed to be dominant or assertive, even though my whole body knew that deep within me, that is who i am.
And low and behold... i am. 1 faking Girl was enough to confirm this.

The time we spend was magical and every aspect of it made me grow exponentially.
It really was the female-relationship equivalent to a Bungee-Jump.
1 Experience that changed everything in my life in that area
Suddenly, my brain flipped the switch.

I am able to seduce a beautiful Girl.

I am able to say "No!" to a girl and am willing to walk away if i have to.(Most important lesson at all!!!!)

I am not just able to have amazing, fulfilling sex that is just beautiful, but also create that on my own. Fkn amazing feeling.

I am confident in my ability to be with any girl i am interested in.

I learned to love and cherish having a connection with a girl before sleeping with her.
It's probably not needed to have sex, but it improves the quality of the sex exponentionally.

I still suffered from a light form of PIED while i was with her. I couldnt get hard whenever i wanted and also couldn't stay hard all the time.
But considering how much porn i watched before, and that my sexuality was "build" from porn it went so amazingly well, it didnt really matter.
I already knew how to work around it and made sure she was feeling good every day, whether we had sex or not.

Of course, i was an extreme case of social awkwardness, wrong believes, terrible body-image, wrong thoughts about sex, shyness and having literally 0 confidence in myself towards woman.

But everyone can change. It's just important that you learn to live.
You can't just go Nofap and expect your life to be beautiful after 90 days if you have other issues going on as well.
You need to tackle fucking everything.

BAN PORN FOREVER!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Ban social media like twitter, facebook and instagram.
Face ALL of your fears.
Work on your career.
Work on yourself.
Become an amazing lover.
Become a great and reliable Friend.
Be genuinly interested in people.
Kick out people that aren't helping you grow and aren't making you feel good about yourself.
Start reading every day.
Exercise regularly.
Take cold showers.
try to learn something new whenever you have time.
Start to (learn to) dance
Enjoy singing

I knew what i had to do with my problems.
And i know that i am still flawed and have areas that i need to work on.
There is still a LONG road i have to walk until i get where i want to be.
But compared to what kind of person i was before...
My old self is crying with tears of happiness after seeing what i managed to accomplish.

NEVER GIVE UP!
FIGHT FOR YOUR HAPPINIESS!
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE!
LIFE GIVES YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE AND WORK FOR! Not what you THINK you deserve...

My Story can be yours as well.

But you have to want it.
INGITE YOUR FLAME FOR THE LIFE YOU WANT.
And you have to put in the work.
So, put in the faking work.

EDIT: After around half a year, i had my first encounter with a woman i really enjoy being with and who really only likes vanilla-sex.
And i was able to sleep with her the first time she came home with me.
We took our time, never made it a priority and in the end, i was able to sleep with her. And the second time she came over i was able to go more than once while she was there.
Sneaky Edit 2: She isn't vanilla anymore. Sex is like dancing. If you work together well, she will feed off your confidence and relax and open up more.
Never complain.
Always empower.
Complaining leads to less and worse Sex.
Empowering always leads to more and gradually better Sex.
Be patient and be rewarded : )

I never thought this would be possible, and i am attributing EVERYTHING in this regard to quitting porn entirely and my ability to rewire my brain to regular women.

And for everyone on this Journey, all i can say it that it is definitely worth it.
Of course i have had severe depression in the meantime. I was down and felt that Life has no meaning. We all go through this. But i was armed with knowledge.
I knew that the flatlines will come.
I knew that i will sink into a depression because of it.
I knew i will have urges.
I knew I will still get flashbacks from porn, even after all this time.

But i knew that my will to be able to be with a regular women is stronger than all of the above.

Guys. The bad times will come to an end.
But you gotta push through them to get the reward.

And the reward is a beautiful sexuality that can be shared with someone else. But it switches from a necessity to a bonus. I am at a point where i see women literally as just a bonus in my Life. I have no right to be with them and also no obligations towards them either.
I let it flow like the water when it comes to them.
The only thing that is my responsibility is to pick one where I am pretty sure that i am going to have a good time with. Choosing responsibly is the first priority in my Life. With the right Person, there is no bad Sex, because its about the intimacy you share.

You can all do it. I did it. Which i never thought i would. But since i made it this far, so can you.

Beat this fucking shitty addiction that screws over your Life.
DON'T DO IT FOR ANY WOMAN! YOU MUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF!
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I love this post. You accepted the challenges that you were inevitably going to face, you knew suffering was going to come and persevered regardless. Rather than be dragged down by the undeniable challenges you faced in your development, you decided you could take action to improve your situation. My biggest issue and a contributing factor to my addiction was blaming others for situations in my life and not taking accountability to improve life. I've created a video on the victim mentality and how you can overcome it: Respect bro. Hope you are still going strong.

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