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It's time to change.. PLEASE help.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by XVII, Jun 15, 2021.

  1. XVII

    XVII New Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone, this is my first post and also my introduction and some details about me, about the things I experienced, how I feel and some changes that I want to see in my life.

    I'm 26 years old, this year turning 27. I consider myself a very strong pornography, and masturbation addict. I discovered pornography when I was 7 years old, I found some pornographic magazines in my house, and I was very curious, I liked what I saw, but at that time, I didn't understood it completely. A little later, I started with masturbation, I was probably 8 or 9 years old. And this may sound bizarre, but I didn't do it using my hand, I rubbed my parts into the bed, imitating what I have seen in television, magazines, and so on. And I kept doing that way until I was 14 years old, then I started masturbating using my hand.

    You could say that I've been doing it for over 15 years actively. The maximum time I did not do it was a month (because I was in the military, and in the beginning it was difficult to do it).

    I want to stop this madness, because it is getting out of my control, and I did some horrible things because of it.

    I masturbated in bizarre places, hidden in public places, in my job office, in public bathrooms, in friends houses. Every time I was hidden, I don't want anyone to see me do it, so I guess I'm not completely rotten yet..

    The thing is.. this addiction.. sometimes I feel like it is a compulsion, like someone bites their fingernails, or scratches their head.. when I have a few minutes to do nothing, I jump straight to masturbating. And always doing it before sleep (because I made myself believe, that I would sleep better).

    Sometimes I do it once a day, sometimes I do it 2 or 3 times a week. And there are some bizarre days, when I'm alone all day, and I can masturbate 10 times a day, and when it is time to sleep, I feel very tired, and my compulsion tells me to masturbate before sleep again, but my body doesn't want me to do it, and it is like a fight between my mind and my body..

    I don't know if this is the cause, but I feel extremely tired all the time.. I wake up tired, no matter how much I sleep, I can sleep 8 hours, 6 hours, even 10 hours or more.. always gonna wake up tired. And everyone that knows me, they could tell that I look healthy, my weight and height is normal.. I do physical activities, but not so many, and that's not the reason why I'm tired.

    When I play videogames, I always choose a feminine character if it is possible, so I can watch a feminine character all the time.. I have my wallpaper also as a erotic woman.

    I know that this is hurting my body, my mental health.. and I want this to stop. But I don't know how to stop it. How to do it properly. Please, help me.. I feel kind of desperate..

    I tried to quit watching pornography, I managed to not watch it for a week, but then I do it again, because I feel an incredible big surge to masturbate..

    I even had sexual fantasies with girlfriends mother, which is way older than me and I don't find her very attractive, because of the big age and other reasons, but when I feel horny, I don't care about it, I can masturbate even with very old woman and when I finish I feel disgust..

    What is happening to my brain, why It is so hard to stop this? How can I stop? What steps should I take?
     
    Buddhism Is True likes this.
  2. XVII

    XVII New Fapstronaut

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    I woke up early this morning, did myself a breakfast and drank a cup of coffee. Yesterday before going to sleep, I went to the shower, cleaned myself. Then took a glass of water, put that near my bed, and went straight to the bed, watched LUPIN in Netflix.. and deleted all my browser history, also went to the Instagram, and other social media, and unfollowed all content related to girls, so I can avoid seeing stuff which makes me feel on edge.

    It's been around 14 hours since I last masturbated, and I hope that was my last one for a long time. I feel motivated right now, I hope I can handle this somehow..

    Right now I don't feel the urge to do it, trying to maintain myself occupied with different activities, trying to not think about anything related to porn.
     
  3. BigBadWolf_27

    BigBadWolf_27 Fapstronaut

    So many years of constant over-stimulation did the job. That's why it's so hard to just stop. But you can still do something about it. You definitely need a plan, it's a hard journey, it really is. Some motivational sh*t it may be good to kick things off, but to reach higher streaks you need something more. It's mostly all about your willpower and how bad do you really want it.
    I would say, that you need to reevaluate your path in life. Change the habits, like that video games you mentioned above. You really need to sacrifice some part of yourself in order to succeed. When you finally find the correct balance and conquer your libido you will see the true difference.
    Keep yourself occupied, kill the urges with cold showers, calm your mind with meditation sessions, explore your feelings, go out there and be grateful that you're living. I believe in you man, don't give up that easily.
     
    last chance likes this.
  4. blademaster87

    blademaster87 Fapstronaut

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    Good... You're probably a still numb from your last session and might feel a big crash in the next couple of days. Don't despair. Flow with the pain and give yourself the required time and space to heal. For me it always starts with the three days challenge. GL!
     
  5. XVII

    XVII New Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I'm trying to be occupied with different activities, and I will try cold showers, I read they have many benefits.. I tried it long time ago, but couldn't be in cold water no longer than 15 seconds... All my life I have been using very hot showers, which makes me feel relaxed.. but I gonna try it. Thanks for some motivation!

    Yes, 24 hours without doing it.. feels like months in my mind, and sometimes if I'm doing some activities which are hard and stresses me out, I can't stop thinking about doing it.. it is so hard to not think about it.. :(
     
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  6. PeaceOnEarth108

    PeaceOnEarth108 Fapstronaut

    Hi and welcome!
    Sounds like there will be a lot of benefit to you when quitting porn. Good that you are here :)
     
  7. PeaceOnEarth108

    PeaceOnEarth108 Fapstronaut

  8. Welcome bro, I’m gonna move this to the correct section for you.
     
    Christoph108 likes this.
  9. I love my Brain

    I love my Brain Fapstronaut

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    Hi brother, A few years ago I was in the same situation with one small difference. In role plays I always took the man, otherwise the situation is the same. So I know exactly what they are feeling and going through. You have to understand one thing, the brain is neuroplastic, malleable. Your habits since childhood have wired your brain in a certain direction. This is now very tight like a knot. But this knot can be untied. But it requires a high level of consciousness. You can now try to solve the problem in different ways. There are many roads to Rome. Some are long and some are shorter. What we need to understand is that habits are stored very deeply in the subconscious. You don't have to actively think about them, they just happen, like brushing your teeth. We humans use 1-5 per cent of our consciousness, otherwise 95-99 per cent is done by our subconscious. Think of PMO as a weed. If you decide to stop now, they only pluck the leaves above the ground. But the roots go 40m deep into the earth. You can pluck as long as you want, the leaves will grow back and you will get tired of plucking. You have to plant the garden with water and pull out the plant and the root. What I am saying is, you have to get your subconscious on board. How do you do that? By expanding the consciousness. You have to increase your understanding of the subject. You have to deal with this matter every day and dive very deeply into the subject. In the morning and in the evening every day. Of course, practical experience is also part of understanding. Every time you have a relapse, keep a diary and write down what caused it. Write down what this addiction is costing you in life. Write down what it does to your character. Then read it over and over again and educate yourself on the subject. By repeating it over and over again, it will seep into your subconscious and change it. That is the fastest way! In the beginning, I tried it only with willpower. You can use as much willpower as you want, it's like plucking leaves, the leaves will keep coming and eventually you get tired and think the addiction can't be beaten. I hope I was able to help you!
     
  10. My standard line is to pick some other goals in life and work towards that. “Not looking at porn” isn’t much of a goal. Losing weight/gaining muscle, doing what it takes to find a better job, making new friends and meeting new people, learning a new skill. These are things worth doing, and if you work at them your desire to look at porn will drop away.
     
  11. John Galt

    John Galt Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the war man. Your story is like a lot of ours, don’t think you’re abnormal or weird. Porn is one helluva a drug. Like kicking any addiction, it’s going to take work, personal growth, support, and honesty. There are times it’s going to be painful. I’m struggling as I write this, just feeling kinda pissy and resentful because I created strong habits that I want to engage in but can’t. Well, I can, but I’m tired of feeling ashamed and bound by my own impulses, so I won’t. You can do this. Find an accountability partner and journal daily. It’ll keep you focused. Good luck my dude
     
  12. odnt

    odnt Fapstronaut

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    EDUCATION. Once you understand what's going on in your head, and why you consequently behave the way you do, you can be in a better place to put strategies in place to help yourself. Use the resources on this website, there are many. Read journals of others and understand that you are not alone. I had many years of struggling with my big secret and now I can share my pain, learn, change and recover.
     

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