Long dinstance relationship. My reboot log

Nope, I just read new posts asking for help, give my opinion and move on with my life. If I get taged or quoted after that I read it and respond if I want to. If noone do that in a post I wroted then I never get in again. Use this post as an example.. I gave my opinion and after that I only responded to people that quoted me.
So.. everything you said about me and suggested me to do in that big post is totally wrong.

I am! life is amazing, but I like to take a few minutes each day to help people the way people helped me in the past.

You don't like the advice I give? then don't read it... don't tag me.. don't quote me.. is as easy as that.
Want to challenge my points of view? great! I'm open to it.
Belive it or not.. there are people that PM me for help, are followers or find my advice usefull. I'm sure that people feel that way about you too so in the end people are getting what they were looking for in this forum.

 

Yes, once I was cheated on so I ended the relationship. A boundry was broken so that was it. The rest of them were all healthy relationship were we both shared our happines and I have great memories from them. So... coming from really good relationships when I see people struggly and putting up with crappy partner I speak up, there are people that think that crappy relationships is normal so they stay in them and try to make it work and keep been miserable in them.

Totally agree... but they are not going to be together.. they are going to be in different countries for at least one year... that's a crappy relationship to have. It better to let it go and find another relationship that is amazing with a person that lives closer to you.

Long distance relationships are crappy... you don't think that way.. go and have them. It doesn't matter to me, I will continue to advice people to don't settle for that when they can have an amazing relationship with a person that lives closer to them.

For you they are false.. is your opinion so give your opinion and move on like I give mine. Let op decide for himself.

 

Social media is terrible in my humble opinion. My SO would be so stressed because she knows how it messes with the brain. The movement of dopamine and all...it happens everywhere (being mildly dramatic)! If you get away from it and perhaps take up reading and just journaling extensively you'd make significant progress. These worked with me at least, and I hated reading prior!

If one has "real" friends on social media it would be very easy to exchange numbers and keep in touch with good ole phone conversations (and/or texting), "like back in the days". Social media is about as compulsive as PMOing.

 

You might like the book Treating Pornography Addiction by Dr. Kevin Skinner too. He talks about identifying your reaction sequence and then coming up with action plans so you can pull yourself out of it before you get too far down the sequence (once you get a few steps in it is very hard to fight the chemicals that flood the brain).

 

Free courses for men.

 

It was said on here somewhere that in order to beat an addiction, you have to outsmart your own brain.
Your stream of thought appears to be that of a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Where you're so convinced you're going to relapse that you've already made up your mind about it.
As someone who understands psychology, I can say this train of thought will lead you down one of the two paths. Where you will either relapse, or you will psych yourself out and forget to do so. Now that we've brought that to your awareness, it is no longer under your unconscious process of thoughts.

I think the biggest thing about my husband when he quit watching, one of the things that made it so difficult for him was the restriction. He was under the mindset that "i can't watch it because she won't let me" which created an inner turmoil for him. On one hand was the fact that not very many people like being told what to do. On the other hand, there were very strong urges that just needed a little bit of a push for him to finally succumb to them and relapse. He received that push from his first therapist that told him watching P was okay, was healthy, and he didn't need to tell me about it. Once that justification for his urges was met, he went forward with it. This was after he had been "clean" for 2 years.
The best way to outsmart your own brain is going to be to use that dopamine for something else. Whenever you feel urges, use those urges for something productive. Start scrubbing the floors, rearranging your room, cleaning out a closet, etc. Tell yourself, "once this is completely done, maybe I will peek". Once it is done, if the urges persist, find another activity to do. It is best to find one that doesn't require a lot of thought, but requires a good deal of concentration, if that makes sense? If you do that enough times, the urges will eventually become less powerful. That is one way to trick your brain. Replace the physical activity with another physical activity. One that will keep you busy enough to keep the temptation at bay.

At some point, the underlying issues you have that led to the addition will need to be addressed. Addiction is a symptom of a larger problem, which is why therapy is generally suggested. This will help to replace the psychological aspect of P addiction.

Meditation is good, but is difficult for people who are using it to combat urges. I would recommend you integrate this, if you choose to that is, as a practice during times when urges are either not there, or very small. This will help increase the activity in the prefrontal cortex, which in turn, will help with the emotional aspect of addiction.

Best of luck to you

 

You can't avoid an addictive behavior by getting as close to it as possible without doing it. Your suggestion is as dangerous as a man edging with youtube or photos on instagram. It would be like an alcoholic saying I'm just going to sit in the room with a bottle and imagine myself drinking it, that will keep me from drinking it. Yeah right. You have to back way up in the line of your sequence and cut it off before your brain has a chance to start the rollercoaster. The higher you edge up that hill the harder it's going to be to not careen over the top. You've got to stop at the bottom because eventually the breaks are too hard to put on.

Like I mentioned in a post earlier, you really might want to get Dr. Skinner's book, Treating Pornography Addiction. Even if you just get the audio book. It talks a lot about identifying how you got there in the first place, the underlying emotional causes, and puts a lot of attention into identifying your reaction sequence and coming up with an action plan to put into motion to stop the sequence. He describes well how once the brain gets flooded with the chemicals it is next to impossible to resist. Also look at some of Dr. Rob Weiss's work on boundaries, similar idea, he phrases it in terms of boundaries. https://www.intherooms.com/home/ilo...exual-boundary-plan-robert-weiss-lcsw-csat-s/

 

Bringing in new activities is great. It creates a sense of novelty, especially if it is something you enjoy.

I know there are certain "markers" for withdrawal symptoms that men go through when they abstain, and that is when they're most vulnerable to relapse if they do not have healthy coping mechanisms in place. Being bored can be a trigger for many, so keeping yourself busy and your mind occupied is crucial to getting through them. It is good to hear that the wise voice is the one who ends up winning lately. But, be wary that the "junkie" is still lurking in the shadows, waiting for an opportunity for a justification. Hes going to be there for awhile, so constantly outsmarting him is going to be super important.

The use of dopamine for another activity is something my husband has been doing. He doesn't have urges for P anymore, but he does have urges to glance at this or that (not porn, just advertisements or women he sees), which could lead him down that path (it would take him a lot longer to get to the end point where he relapsed), but he still has to be vigilant about the "junkie" within. What he does is everytime he feels the movement of energy that has the potential to go bad, he turns his focus towards something else. He walks around or does another task that requires a lot of concentration. It has really helped him.

There is also the 5 second rule that will help your brain. Whenever you feel the urge come on or you're in a spot where you're likely to peek or something, stop what you're doing, close your eyes, and count to 5. Once you get to 5, immediately jump on another task. This is a retraining of the brains focus and energy.
Another thing he does is he will "reward himself" with some chocolate or something sweet after completing the new task. As I've told him, you Pavlov yourself into the addiction, you can Pavlov yourself out.