35 and older accountability, Group 2

Growth rarely comes without risks so hopefully this experiment will teach you what you need to learn to continue to rise on this steep path!

The one thing that I would encourage you to reconsider is your choice to use porn. It's great that you're seeing it as boring and empty but given the old, very well-engraved patterns/pathways in one's brain and behaviour, it's current distaste might end up having more of an appeal with repeated use and before you know it, the perfect storm of different variables comes together and you succumb.

On the other hand, if you want to see more deeply not just it's emptiness and boredom but it's hellish quality, you may have to push the envelope even further and continue to watch porn in a very measured, deliberate and conscious manner over the next few weeks or months. This choice is quite dangerous but I think if it's done with detachment as an exercise of pure awareness/observation, strictly in order to see more clearly exactly what's going on, it can lead to greater freedom. You run greater risks but also potentially greater rewards. It really comes down to your intention, integrity, and self-control across time.

But if your aim is not so much to see more into the dark nature of porn but simply to arouse sexual energy again, then I honestly don't think you need porn for that. Non-ejaculatory masturbation should do the job and in in fact, I think without porn images you will be forced to be more in tune with the micro-sensations and energy flow in your body as you stimulate yourself.

I've been considering a very similar experiment as yours but I want to hit my 180 before walking that edge.

Whatever you decide, I wish you nothing but the best outcome for your growth and well-being.

 

I edged last night and it was boring. I wasn’t able to enjoy it or be satisfied. It’s nice to pass one situation but if I edge again, I know I will relapse.

 

It sounds like for these two times that your brain is significantly or completely rebooted. This is very good! I would encourage you to continue to abstain from P as the pleasure and addiction may return if you continue to look at it.

I'm also checking in here and I've really been thinking in terms of dopamine lately and now I'm thinking this ...

To do a 90 day reboot, it's not necessarily enough to just abstain from P, PMO or P edging... because by just abstaining from that you have lower overall levels of dopamine. (I say this never really having significant success at the 90 day reboot). But I'm thinking (hoping) that you need to keep levels of dopamine higher from other healthier sources (non P related). This way during the rewiring the brain is trained that the new healthy sources are the best/easiest way to get dopamine. Without these new healthier sources of dopamine involved, it's much easier to relapse and your system revert back to P related sources for dopamine (and further reinforce P related sources for dopamine).

I'm not an expert but I think this is consistent with what I've heard online. And I hope this is happening to me now... as I'm only on day 13 now and this is my 3rd or 4th reboot attempt this year.

 

Bingo!! Well said

 

I fully agree man,

I have since reflected on it and I feel like sitting in front of a computer and making myself excited over images is total insanity because it increases the Yang energy without a YIN essenece to flow through (women) and it feels like frustration and pain and suffering, the only option is to release through orgasim which is not an option for me due to knowing how destructive to my energy and peace of mind and so i'm feeling a measure of freedom from these insights.

 

You know it's interesting because i feel like after masterbating alone last week without porn, I felt a measure of pleasure and sense of circulation of energy,

But when i involved porn to the combo while initially i felt more aroused, it resulted in a very stuck/frustrated energy and I felt worst and with a head ache, its like I could feel the yang energy becoming over charged.

The curious thing is ever since last week that I stopped the conscious celibacy choice and being open to sexuality, I noticed My dating life has taken off.

This week alone I had 3 days which and today a 2 hr phone date. I could have pulled the trigger on the first one, but upon reflection I realize that wouldn't have served me.

So now i'm in a new phase of dating women and the crazy part is i attracted a very attractive women who shares my views about sacred sexuality and she has also been celibate for about the same time as me, and she also loves meditation and so on,

So I'm considering a new phase of developing connection to another human being, but mostly through physical touch, connection and keeping sex out until/if it is something that still resonates, after we have been through each others shit and passed the honey moon phase of a relationship

 

I just had another silence day and I feel super clear.

I am now seeing the events of the last week, as a blessing and a slip.

I was lead to a quote by Mahatma Gandhi

"The Path"

I know the path. It is straight and narrow.
It is like the raisers edge.
I rejoice walking on it. I weep when I slip.
God word is "he who strives never perishes"
I have implicit faith in that promise.
Though there for my weakness I fail a thousand times.
I shall not loose faith."

So I am deeply grateful that I didn't actually release my seeds and have an orgasm.

I am grateful to be inspired again, to walk the path of purity and to renounce porn, masterbation and orgasm.

I will allow myself to touch my body if i feel it will help me move the energy to higher centers, but avoiding selfish desires and lustful intentions.

I will abstain from sexual relationship to another women, unless i have seen her in Truth and there is a soul connection - which will come through relating to her through 6-12 months of getting to connect and go deep.

I will continue to go on dates make friends and share my energy and self but I know the boundaries and will communicate it clearly

 

So as I've decided to keep myself on track I've adopted the following strategy.

1. No PM
2. Healthy diet.
3. No watching or reading the news.
4. No social media except here
5. Spend less time on my phone
6. Be more minimilist and clear my crap
7. Meditate more
8. Exercise
9. Let go of things out of my control
10. Oh I need a 10.......erm be awesome

 

Amazing! I love it.

For me indicating the set time for meditation helps me to wrap my head around it.

Some like to do it 4x per day for 1-2 minutes of total stillness.
Some like to do it morning/night for 15-30-60min
Some like to do both. Depending on what you feel at this stage of development.

 

I'm checking in here this week. I'm on day 20 and it feels like a small milestone for me because it seemed like I had trouble getting the 90 reboot attempt back on track and off the ground for a while.

I think my focus on learning about dopamine and healthy alternatives is paying off... maybe the most significant changes for me are exercise at the gym with my friend regularly (first) and learning and implementing a healthier diet (second). With an overall emphasis on increasing dopamine in healthy ways and avoiding things that can decrease it.

During these 20 days, they haven't been perfect but I think the urges have not been as intense. I don't feel vulnerable to a trigger and relapse but, I'm sure I should be careful and on guard anyway. I need to be careful and I look forward to continue down this path.

 

Awesome. Keep at it fella.

 

Thanks for the reminder. I've been struggling lately to stay motivated but the splat that awaits on impact with said concrete is a real disincentive.

 

Victory Over Lust Yesterday

Yesterday was a very hot day, i saw half nude bodies all day. April (running buddy) was not around and so i felt the absence of her - Feeling of loneliness when mixed with lust it creates stronger suffering,

ON the one hand i felt bored not knowing what to do, Party due to being sleepy and partly due to heat, then there are naked girls every where and my attention would go towards them and wanting them but cant have them, which would then magnify the suffering,

I was in a state of suffering and wandering, so coming home i masterbated to yoga videos and a measure of pleasure was being derived - i came close to coming twice and I felt so hypnotized by the appearances of legs and feets and so on...

Then I tried to go on social media i noticed i am wandering on social media in a state of bordom and loneliness and lustfulness.

I had some girls whome I could talk to on social media but the awareness was there at I am now in a state of lonliness and neediness and I shouldn't give my attention to outside of myself but to my Soul.

On social media i would see sexy bodies every where. I felt so frustrated to see so many girls just getting on social media to reveal their body parts and get likes, and I saw the same insanity in me when I keep making posts on social media and how excited I get to get likes and comments.

THEN the challenge gets worst, I start to have temptation to msg the asian women I met last week and invite her over, so now i am tempted to have causal sex, and i really considered it. I then bowed down and asked for wisdom,

I realized that i was in the state of lust, emotionally lonely and horney and whatever decision i am making now, is not coming from my soulful wisdom but from the short term seeking pleasure, it is the exact thing i was trying to renounce.

I then heard the alarm go off to meditate and sleep, then my mind says "see if you were to just meditate and go to sleep it would all be over, but you won't do that will you' then i noticed, if i was some how about to renounce this drama and go sit and meditate I would be able to end my night and sleep.

But i noticed there was unwillingness to end the night, it was like I was so excited about some pleasure taking place that i didn't want to end it, this is the same feeling that happens many nights.

So then I remembered ACIM that said, a little willingness is all you need, and i realized I do have a little willingness, and so i became willing to renounce the desire for more excitements, and to just sit for an hour and let my emotions calm down , and then we will see what to do .
At some point I also listened to some chanting and singing and that helped me to get out of my suffering to a measure.

I sat down, and listened to Joel goldsmith book "The infinite way" on youtube the chapter on the Christ (3) and sit in meditation for an hour timer. The Christ i heard something that really released me.

I remember the ONE insight that released me was the awareness of the IMPERSONAL nature of this lust/sin. I remembered that I am not a lustful being, I am not a person who is experiencing lust and craving and lack, this is a universal hypnotism of maya which is making some appearances seem GOOD which i am craving to have, and some appearances appear as bad (Loneliness/Fear of future) which I am trying to get away from. This insight released me from the sense of lack to a measure,

Then i resumed to meditate in silence vipassana and at some point the lustful Person died in the peace of meditation and I felt totally released,

I felt the freedom so clearly and so beautifully it was like awakening from a bad dream, I felt the contentment of being FREE From craving.

This is why I love vipassana (combined with Joels teaching) so much it has thought me a real and direct way to use concentration, and breath to really disconnect from the Dhrama and feel the Presence of God.

I Then went to sleep with peacefulness and gratitude.

 

Guys I’m really struggling again. Been using more in my nights and weekends and in risky situations where my wife could find out. She doesn’t get upset about me using porn but we both know it affects our intimacy and marriage.

Can anybody offer me some advice to get back on track? I’m in such a brainfog now.

 

Hi guys, hope everyone is well.

Just wanted to give an update and share some thoughts. This is a bit wordy but it's a sensitive topic for me so I think I need to give a good account of it.

Last Saturday, I decided to try a new approach that I'm calling "The Porn Experiments." I know some alarm bells are probably going off just hearing that, but allow me to explain.

This is an oversimplification but there are two basic NoFap approaches: The path of discipline and the path of insight. The former is the most common and entails things like cold showers and sheer will power. The latter is the path of understanding whereby the effort is to see the very nature of porn, urges, and their relationship. These two paths go hand in hand and both are needed. However, of the two, I think the path of insight is deeper and more reliable. Discipline is the foundation for insight, and insight enables greater discipline. Let's leave it at that for now.

So I've been thinking for a while, probably months now, that I would eventually expose myself to porn on purpose when I felt ready to observe it and its effects on me in a very clinical way. Picture lab coat and latex gloves. So on Saturday, I felt ready to do so. Keep in mind by that time, I'd already had 160+ days of Nofap/semen retention while having an active sex life, so I think it's fair to say I've been highly disciplined in regards to my sexuality.

Now, you may think 'right, so your brain just tricked you and you ended up watching porn under the guise of some lame experiment.' I can totally see why one might think that. But that is not what happened. It was not even close to being an act of desperation. I actually made sure I was in a good state at the time, no urges, no desire for P, and I put the following rules in place: 1) only allowed to watch for 3 minutes 2) no touching myself 3) no scrolling. As I said, clinical. When the 3 minutes were over, I easily closed the window and haven't noticed any chaser effects since then, nor have I been in any rush to try Porn experiment #2.

So what did I notice? This is where the path of insight comes in. There were many insights but in sum, porn is lame. It's EXTREMELY lame. I left it thinking 'wow, THIS is what had me hooked for all those years?' I believe @RightEffort had a similar reaction by the way. What helped me see it that way was to actually look at the faces of those women, and recognize their humanity - that they are people with parents, siblings, maybe children, maybe married or to be married someday. Humanizing them in other words. I also observed the fact that I was actually just holding a device with a flat screen and that the images were just that...images. Hence, very insubstantial.

I think the basic philosophy behind this experiment is something similar to the idea of vaccination. As per Google, "When you get a vaccine, your immune system responds to the vaccine the same way it would to the real germ. It recognizes the germ in the vaccine as being foreign. Responds by making antibodies to the germ in the vaccine, just as it would for the real germ." So in other words, purposely exposing myself to a small dose of porn while watching it in a very detached and conscious manner will hopefully serve to bolster my immunity to porn so to speak. Maybe I just got lucky but I feel better having done it. I have less fear of porn and actually less desire for it oddly enough.

What next? Well, I totally understand this is a very dangerous approach and can lead to a relapse, especially since the experiments will likely progress in their duration and scope. For that reason, while I want to continue these experiments I think I need strict rules. So I'm in the process of coming up with few of those rules, including a rule around how many experiments I'm allowing myself in total because it should not be indefinite. The number 5 is jumping out at me as a not too many and not too little.

Since my approach is highly intentional as described above, and is not a reaction to urges, nor is it an effort to stimulate my sexuality or circulate sexual energy, I haven't reset my counter. I don't consider this a relapse.

I welcome any of your thoughts. I anticipate some reservation from others to this approach but I hope I explained myself clearly enough to show that I'm not being whimsical or desperate.

Peace