Just deleted my nofans account and all the videos I saved from it.

the strength in only fans lies in the fact that they try to make it feel personal and creating a connection with lonely guys, the problem? you are looking for a connection, the solution? get yourself out there, go to a dance class, go to church, do some volunteer work. making connections with people really changed my life.

 

Good effort on deleting the content man, it's a battle won no two ways about it.

Onlyfans is something I've tried and deleted 3 times now. It's like I just wanted to try it because of how it's become somewhat mainstream. I've heard about it on the radio, TV, even in class. But just like all other types of porn/prostitution, it was just a way to avoid the underlying cause/s of my unhappiness.

Sounds to me like you have a genuine desire to figure your own situation out. And this is just one step in getting to that place of clarity.

I put it to you, it may not be about staying off Onlyfans, or any other porn thing. But rather, it may be about taking a deep dive into what you need to work on with your life. That is to say, focus less on the PMO (symptom) and more on what you feel is lacking in your life (cause).

It sounds obvious, but knowing it and writing it all down and making steps to change are very different. Good luck!

 

I feel for your situation man, and I think your self-analysis is really on point. This recovery is never easy, but you're very aware of what's going on and that's a good place to be.

I honestly cried the last time I relapsed, because it seemed more obvious to me that I was using PMO to avoid real connections. But it's a silver lining in the clouds, it reminds us we really care about making a change.

You say you want to leave relationships alone until you're cured of this addiction, but I would encourage you that it may be worth it to reevaluate that.

We're imperfect beings, of course. But the people who like us, like us in spite of our flaws. If you've made improvements to your lifestyle but occasionally slip up with something like porn, that doesn't mean you have to effectively deny yourself of meaningful connections.

Many women complain that their boyfriends watch porn, or have some other bad habit, and don't want to change. You're different, because you're actively working to change and it's your decision. I implore you to consider just how much you're building your character, quitting free access to a fake biological urge is no small task.

You may not feel ready and that's okay. I just wanted to elaborate on a different perspective, because it can be a trap in itself, and even a form of subconscious avoidance of relationships, to wait until we're 'ready.'

I'm guilty of this. First, I needed good clothes, then to be healthy, then to have a busy schedule, then to quit porn. I was definitely not ready to date at one point, but somewhere along the way I was just kidding myself and avoiding the challenges of getting back out there.

If you're mostly there - you may find this is one last big piece of the puzzle. Sorry for the wall of text, but I am passionate about this paradox lol.

 

I would suggest not holding out on a romantic relationship, just because of PMO addiction. the most true love you can get is with someone who likes you despite your problems.

 

I'm glad you found that perspective useful!

One of the most uncomfortable things I've done socially, was force myself to cold approach girls when I didn't feel ready. Maybe you'll notice one day there's a difference in your aura, and it just feels 'right.'

I wonder have you read 'Models'? It says something about elements of our lifestyle falling into place and then being ready to date. That is to say, when we feel fulfilled with enough things - our job, food and fitness, social life - we then have a natural motivation to date. That's probably what we're going through, and an addiction is an extra difficult element.

With that said, if you feel half-ready at a certain point, a good place to start can be to openly date casually and get comfortable with women without leading them on. I only say this, because it's easy to get to a point where we feel we're at a certain level, and then avoid good women thinking "they're not interesting enough" "she's not as fit as me" etc.

Food for thought. Keep at it man!

 

Read the book Brave New World. The population is made happy with a drug called Soma. The character John argued it’s better to seek truth, even if it involves suffering, than to accept an easy life of pleasure and happiness. He relapses in this quest at the very end, feels ashamed, and takes his own life. The moral, to me, is that temptation of society is such a powerful force but we have to persevere.