Flatline - Some advice, please

Brazilian Guy · Jun 23, 2021

Hi friends, I'm feeling terribly anxious and depressed right now.

● Some context first:

I'm 40, PMO got really bad 13 years ago.

I don't feel like watching P anymore (it annoys me) and just MO in erotic chats.

This year I managed to complete a 70-day streak (light mode, sex allowed) and then I relapsed.

During this time I've been with two escort girls (each 30 days) and things worked properly. I was glad, because it meant that the abstinence was already effective.

Some weeks later I relapsed (may) and started a new streak 22 days ago.

The point is that since then I feel terribly anxious and depressed, with strong mood swings.

During this new streak I had real dates with 2 girls, but it didn't work in both occasions. In the last one I took that famous blue pill but it worked only for some minutes. Felt so frustrated.

It seems to be all right, but I'm deeply depressed right now.

I feel like crying and frightened of never being able to have a normal life with a girl (flatline? Hope so, it will eventually fade away).

● Now, to the point:

I started to have mixed feelings about women.

For some reason I'm tired of even looking at a girl. I always looked at them and tried to make eye contact (a bad habit), but now I feel some aversion towards them when I do it. That's so weird!

To make things more complicated, I'm totally in love with the last one I dated (That's the only woman in the world I want to be more and more with).

● Questions:

Has anyone felt like this too?

- Mixed feelings, aversion towards women?

- Falling in love with a woman and being terribly anxious because of the ED?

Please, tell me how you would deal with that.

eagle rising · Jun 23, 2021

I have felt all kinds of things throughout my process, from the smallest to the extreme. Here is some perspective. You are not in a place to gage whether or not you are in love with someone. You are in the middle of rewiring your brain, right in the middle. The brain is having trouble, it is projecting all kinds of things, like a teenager whom thinks that everyone is against him.

I think it would help to understand this, you are in the middle of truly growing up. It is going to take some time. Don't pay too much attention to all these thoughts, by that I mean don't put merit into them. They are happening as a response to change. So when you say you have an aversion to women it is not true right now. Again, it is a response to change.

Be happy, joyful, in yourself. Work at this. If you do this earnestly, you will find that eventually everything will "normalize". I cannot say exactly how much time it will take as everyone is different, but don't even try and guess. Just focus on bringing joy into your system.

Brazilian Guy · Jun 24, 2021

eagle rising said: ↑

I have felt all kinds of things throughout my process, from the smallest to the extreme. Here is some perspective. You are not in a place to gage whether or not you are in love with someone. You are in the middle of rewiring your brain, right in the middle. The brain is having trouble, it is projecting all kinds of things, like a teenager whom thinks that everyone is against him.

I think it would help to understand this, you are in the middle of truly growing up. It is going to take some time. Don't pay too much attention to all these thoughts, by that I mean don't put merit into them. They are happening as a response to change. So when you say you have an aversion to women it is not true right now. Again, it is a response to change.

Be happy, joyful, in yourself. Work at this. If you do this earnestly, you will find that eventually everything will "normalize". I cannot say exactly how much time it will take as everyone is different, but don't even try and guess. Just focus on bringing joy into your system.
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Thanks a lot. I needed to know that it’s part of the process.

I’m facing the worst moment problably, I feel like crying all the time! Sharing my feelings here and having some advice makes me feel I’m not alone. Thank you so much.

eagle rising · Jun 25, 2021

Brazilian Guy said: ↑

Thanks a lot. I needed to know that it’s part of the process.

I’m facing the worst moment problably, I feel like crying all the time! Sharing my feelings here and having some advice makes me feel I’m not alone. Thank you so much.
Click to expand...

You are most welcome! You are absolutely not alone! I remember when I felt like I wanted to cry all the time. The world was closing in on me and everyday was an entire week. Struggle was the way of my life.

The funny thing is, we were in a good spot in terms of our live situations. We (my family and I) had two vehicle, we had a roof over our heads, we food, we had loving dogs, we had access to a lake. What I am saying is the world in your head isn't real. Look around you and see that altogether you are in a good spot (I am assuming that you are since you have access to a screen and the internet ). I realized this and I knew that what I was feeling wasn't going to be there forever. It will change at some point.

Brazilian Guy · Jun 27, 2021

You’re right man. I’m going through something similar to what you described. My mood is like a roller coaster these days.

How much time did it take to “normalize” as you said? Are you 100% recovered?

eagle rising said: ↑

I have felt all kinds of things throughout my process, from the smallest to the extreme. Here is some perspective. You are not in a place to gage whether or not you are in love with someone. You are in the middle of rewiring your brain, right in the middle. The brain is having trouble, it is projecting all kinds of things, like a teenager whom thinks that everyone is against him.

I think it would help to understand this, you are in the middle of truly growing up. It is going to take some time. Don't pay too much attention to all these thoughts, by that I mean don't put merit into them. They are happening as a response to change. So when you say you have an aversion to women it is not true right now. Again, it is a response to change.

Be happy, joyful, in yourself. Work at this. If you do this earnestly, you will find that eventually everything will "normalize". I cannot say exactly how much time it will take as everyone is different, but don't even try and guess. Just focus on bringing joy into your system.
Click to expand...

Deleted Account · Jun 27, 2021

This sounds like what I'm experiencing. But you know what? We have to go forward to get out of this hell.

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Flatline - Some advice, please

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