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Should I engage these girls or focus on myself during this reboot HELP

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Roadtorecovery98, Jun 24, 2021.

what would you do?

  1. forget girls for now

    66.7%
  2. go enjoy the women

    33.3%
  1. Roadtorecovery98

    Roadtorecovery98 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    Some background
    I'm a 23yo male and was first exposed to pornography at the age of 10 before going onto PMO consistently from the age of 13. I'm sure you can imagine a lot of the effects and problems I've had from this ( anxiety, depression, sunken eyes, and the dreaded PIED etc).

    I've always known in the back of my mind that PMO wasn't good for me and I've tried many times to quit to no avail. There's been 2 occasions where I've managed a few weeks or so without pmo but these were when I started university or a new job so was occupied, its not that i fap free intentionally.

    This time however I'm done and I'm aiming for the 90days to back that, I've managed to go 10 days I feel great, healthy, confident, little to no anxiety and a clearer mind.

    Here's my problem:

    I feel like I've made a lot of progress with gym and confidence, my morning wood is back stronger than ever and my libido is on the rise rapidly. I feel that i should be focused on my goals (Being porn free, Gym, business) but should I bring women back into the equation again? I've just come out of a serious relationship about two and a half weeks ago but my eyes are wandering already. I don't have issues getting girls, aside from the occasional confidence issues I've faced due to anxiety or fear of rejection that are amplified by PMO.

    One half of me wants to go out there and f*ck the world (pretty sure its my penis talking) but the other half wants to just focus on the goals in front of me.

    What makes this more frustrating is that I've started talking to two girls, both would definitely go out on a date at least and one has made it clear she's wants to fuck me.

    Am I losing sight of what's important?
     
  2. Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    Just my opinion, with your history, I'd focus on getting healthy and working on your goals. If you are interested in moving forward with the girls, I would encourage you to date the first one and work on building a relationship, not jumping into sex with the second one. That could lead you right back to where you started. You want to train your brain to want healthy sexuality and that is only going to happen with someone you care about and with whom you have built some emotional connection and intimacy.
     
  3. Roadtorecovery98

    Roadtorecovery98 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, I think I’ve always known what’s right. Just needed someone to confirm it for me :)
     
    Robindale likes this.
  4. Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    You're welcome. Best wishes on becoming the man you want to be and deserve to be, without the PMO in your life.
     
    Roadtorecovery98 likes this.
  5. jt850

    jt850 Fapstronaut

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    Definitely focus on getting better mentally before jumping in to any relationship. Let relationships happen naturally instead as you get better progressively, don't spend too much time chasing them. Best of luck and all love to you!
     
    Roadtorecovery98 likes this.
  6. 野良西木

    野良西木 Fapstronaut

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    Though focusing on yourself is good, but it never harms to make some female friends right? I'd recommend making more female friends but don't forget about your goals and lose your focus.
     
    CarP likes this.
  7. Roadtorecovery98

    Roadtorecovery98 Fapstronaut

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    How do I actually go about making more genuine female friends though. The majority of female friends I’ve had in the past were non plutonic relationships, it’s just that things didn’t develop any further.

    I don’t have many actual female friends because I don’t share many common interests with girls. I’d definitely like to build more friendships with girls tho
     
  8. 野良西木

    野良西木 Fapstronaut

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    Haha, sorry man, I might not be able to help you on how to build relationships with women, however, it is but how you view your relationship with them, if they are friends, they will only be friends, don't overthink about women. Not having much common interest might be the fun part, it means more information to exchange from one being to another and it might just help you expand your view.
     
  9. Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    Go into it thinking sex is off the table and don't pursue that. Then try to learn about them, what they like to do, what interests them, talk in general, enjoy a coffee shop together, a walk in some nature, whatever might meet her needs and interests and not your sexual interest. Care about her enough to ask about what she's into, her family and friends, and show that concern and care. We humans are born with a strong need for connection, and not just sexual connection that us guys always seem to focus on. Friendship is a key need.
     

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