I'm feeling too guilty, I'm waiting for your answers

I’m not normal, so I can’t answer your question even though it does not seem so abnormal to me. Even 20 - 30 years ago there was transwoman porn on video tape … so it’s not a new phenomenon.

personally, I never watched to much of it, but when I did I would get triggered seeing that many of them had a bigger peepee than me and wondered if I should be a transwoman.

but I just could never live that way knowing I would never be as pretty as a real girl. Some of the she males are super hot, but I wouldn’t be one of them.

 

I have several answers for you,
The thing about your brain convincing that you're gay is something that's called HOCD, (or you might actually be one idk), but actually many people are suffering from this because of the frequent and more extreme use of porn. HOCD is when your brain won't stop asking you if you were gay and this sort of question often brings negative feelings ranging from anxious feelings and even wanting to die.

About the transwoman, an interesting thing was found out accidentally about how the brain works. The test goes like this, every time the doctor is feeding the dogs, he rang the bell, after many times of repetition, whenever he rings the bell, the dogs began to salivate, this proves that our brain relates things that bring us pleasure and when we sense it with our sensory organ our brain fires up reaction so that we can get the same pleasure again.

Lastly, when you watch porn, your brain releases a hell ton of dopamine, frequent use results in too much of dopamine flushing into your brain, thus, your brain closes some of it's dopamine receptors, and now you'd need to watch more extreme porn to reach the same high that you've reached once.

Good news for you is, all of the problem I've listed can be healed in a matter of 3weeks or more, your brain rewires itself after a certain amount of abstinence from porn.

Hope my answers helped, good luck nofap