Some reflections on becoming a better man

I wanted to reply/respond to this. Mainly because no one else has, yet, but mainly because I can feel empathy for you, what you're saying.

Finding this website and research material has changed my life. It's that simple - I am a different man than I was before ... Before, it's like -we had no support. Anyone who had these concerns and issues about pornography was simply sidelined or dismissed. ..ignored and, sadly, often ridiculed. Ridicule works well to silence.
But I, like other men, am awake to the dangers and reality of pornography.

Thank God there is a scientific -backed movement behind us now, too.

I do feel that men and women are under attack in various and sinister ways; I do feel a war or revolution is coming ...but, that's a different story.

I wanted to highlight the vast importance of "patience, kindness and love", in dealing with these travails, and the travails of oneself. It is most important with yourself - and with your own family members. ..The best way to receive, is to give the same thing or something else. It is kindness that is the cure all and antidote for nearly every problem. I kid you not. Some of the best example of this is Jesus Christ's love in the New Testament. Even if you're not religious, good wisdom and the most profound spiritual/universal truth/advice can be found in there..

...why do you think the Bible is the most popular and read book on the face of this planet? .. Just a thought.


I have different problems than you, but we are men, all of us working up ...and forward. It's easy to get discouraged and turn sour before it - especially when it's easier to run ....and you've got these things you do to escape w/out realizing.

I suffer and struggle with depression and massive self-hate, which manifests in several and various ways. ...my Dad was very hard on us - it was an authoritarian household and that's just what it was. I now deal with an older brother that doesn't know how to love, and substitutes and confuses authoritarian ship with Love -just as my father did. It's hard to talk with him, we often break into fights and I don't think he's aware of why.

Very sad, because we could use each other as the best source of healing.
But, we can't bridge the gap between is enough ....and it's sad.in our family, everything was your fault. Complain about nothing; even the things that aren't your fault, are your fault.

That is to show you just how utterly damaging the lack of Love is, in life. See all the ripple effects it carried on...? And discipline is no substitute for love.

Start turning many ships with the forces of love, guidance and patience - understanding ...and in turn you'll soften the things around you and pull them into your healing and, transformative orbit. You'll start turning many ships.

G-d bless you,
I hope that this helped.


Eric

 

It's hard to quit something you enjoy; it is much easier to quit something you detest.

Some people may say "it's just porn", those people don't know the full story. The porn industry is a behemoth soul-draining problem-creating machine. First are foremost the escalation problem which is common to porn viewers makes it likely that at some point the viewer may venture into the dark and violent variety (you know the one). The problem is that viewing women being physically dominated desensitizes a man to sexual aggression. To be blunt rape and assault are being imprinted upon your subconscious. One may scoff at the severity of my claims here, but consider the case of Ted Bundy, a man whose sense of fantasy and reality melded together in an absolutely grotesque, monstrous, and spine-chilling manner. One may make the claim that "that's only extreme cases", which is entirely a valid argument. An antonym of extreme is moderate/in moderation, and is there anything remotely resembling moderation with an addiction? To summarize my first point, porn messes with one's psyche.

Secondly, ask yourself "Is porn helping me become the strongest version of myself?" Is porn allowing you to live the life of your dreams? Is porn helping you achieve your goals? Porn-viewing is addictive, but the concept of "addiction" is tossed around so much that instead I will substitute it for something different: slavery. Porn truly enslaves the minds of the masses. Going throughout life with a porn "habit" is akin to going through life with shackles: it creates a cowardly, passive, and for some depressed individual. To conclude my second point imagine that today you no longer are enslaved by porn. Imagine the determination, life force, and accomplishment that resonates within you. Think about how you are the elite 1% (a 2014 MensHealth survey found that 99% of guys watch porn). You are the alpha male that other men look to in admiration, and other women want to be with. Imagine your future partner, will they be impressed by your porn "habit"?

To conclude I will propose an idea that really struck a chord with me when I first heard it: jerking off to porn is like having sex with a demon. In essence you are giving your time, seed, and life-force to an unholy spirit. The action is totally immersed in pleasure and lust, and has absolutely nothing to do with life or commitment (things that sex should be based on). You are giving your life-force to the porn industry.

If you're reading this you probably made it through my long-windedness, and I congratulate you! I hesitate to write this religious bit because this is the internet, but here it goes: straight from the Bible (1 Corinthians) "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." Every pop-up, scantily clad girl, or other trigger is just a challenge you can overcome! So do it.

I really do hope something I wrote was able to help you on your journey to become a strongest version of yourself. I would say good luck, but it's not based on luck, so instead I'll say I truly hope you succeed in your endeavors!