Journal of a new Christian

The last 3 weeks, since I submitted, and asked the Lord to come into my heart, accepting Jesus as my saviour, have been absolutely packed with awakenings, and I continue to be shown more by the day. I am indescribably grateful for this. My life will never be the same again.
Every day I feel a little more able to genuinely declare the whole of my life as I have known it, as over, and give ALL of it to His direction.
All of it until it gets to the fullest intensity of the enemy talking my mind to pmo, then I'm finding it the hardest to stay in focus.
Everything else is changing. I am constantly challenged to question my integrity at work. My attitude towards others has a spotlight on it. I am unquestionably being shown, shown, shown.
PMO will inevitably be broken, and at last, after over 50 years of addiction, I will find I have been clean for many days. I continue to soak up teachings and readings. It truly is a miracle, that out of apparently nowhere, Christ came and got me.
I really hope it won't be long before I can successfully leave this vicious toxic addiction behind forever.
Snacking has been drastically reduced, replaced by time with the Lord. Other distractions are reduced. My attitude towards others is improving. My self importance is beginning to reduce. I am filled with hope, suddenly finding myself part of the huge family.
But I am still using P. and I LONG for it to be over. To be able to stay focused on the Lord when the worst times come.
I'm just keeping on praying, reading, listening and learning.
Wonderful sermon here :

 

Reading the book "Unwanted" by Jay Springer. Looks very helpful.

 

So the Freedom Process is a book?

 

Thank you @CPilot for sharing that. I will take direction from your experience and wise advice. I know how easy it is to become complacent

 

Oh I am so happy to "hear" the sharing voices of Christian brothers in recovery.

I took this onboard and am very grateful. How obvious it seems in hindsight, that if I live in a way which involves continuous communication with our Lord, that prayer is something I need to be immersed in, since it is such a central part of that communication.
Yet I was still "visiting" prayer; it still had a corner of my life.
I found a great guide on different ways of praying (on prayerandpossibilities.com) and began to immerse in a morning practice of structured prayer, including praise, gratitude, airing of my current situations, confession, prayer for others and meditation (listening).
I'm finding this sets the tone for better remaining in a prayerful state during the day.
My current challenge remains in the evening, when it appears that I have exercised such a habit in my life of throwing the door open to the enemy, that I still become assailed, and suddenly experience resistance to the very act of prayer which kept me happy, alive, peaceful and purposeful through the day. So my challenge now is to establish an evening devotional time, to carry me through this more difficult time of day. I will pray for guidance and direction in this.
I praise God with all my heart for the changes He is bringing about in me.
Thank you @CPilot for your kind and inspiring sharing. I will most certainly include you in my prayers.

I really appreciate your words @XandeXIV and how true this is! This morning I was reading in Proverbs 3:5-6.. Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
I am so trained in "leaning on my own understanding" along with having an overly high opinion of it!
What a relief it is to give over my life to the Lord.. and how easily I slip back at times.
I don't know if it is because I am young in Christ (though old in body!) and can still very much feel the hangover of my old life, but I have to say I am SO HAPPY in Christ.
I feel I am looking back at a life lost in the desert, and am seeing it in people who live without faith. What a weight to carry!
I am not 100% clear of pmo yet , but there is substantial change. The last 2 occasions when I was drawn into acting out, I was awake to how cold, and grim it all was, and worst of all, the wall it brought between me and God. Of course! Is not the definition of sin: that which separates me from God?! I stopped and walked away both times.
Thank you thank you thank you Lord for your work in my heart.
Thank you and bless you my brothers and sisters

 

I haven't posted here for a month, and what a month it has been. Gradually transitioning from the life steeped in sin, to the life of a Christian,is needless to say, not a "smooth" experience, but am amazing one. I feel that every day I have been taught something precious.
I really need to share a difficult lesson I just received, though. A painful wake up call.
On Saturday I was working at an event with a group of people. I arrived very tired, laden with frustrations in life (ie living "my" way) and just not in good shape.
When speaking with a friend who visited the event, I got into airing some of my frustrations, including bad-mouthing the actions of a group member, who I then realised was sitting right behind me.
The man I had criticised is a fine man with an excellent attitude.
I was not sure if he had overheard me or not, but I was filled with shame.
I feel certain that God arranged this to give me a much needed wake up call. I had asked for my heart to be remade, and it seems part of this is to be made aware of how rotten it has been until now.
I feel sick to the core that I may have hurt such a generous man.
I am grateful that I am not in complete denial about my actions though - a practice so typical of an addict sinner like me. Not this time.
Somehow the awakening caused by this event; the recognition of how self inflated I have been, is touching my life in a broader way, including my life of acting out with pmo.
Lord I am so grateful for you opening my eyes and setting me on a new path. I pray that this painful lesson will be an end to my arrogant judgement of others, and behaving as if I "am somebody."
I pray for healing of what pain I may have caused another here.
Amen

 

Thank you @CPilot and @vxlccm for your encouragement here. I did apologise to the guy, - I could not have done anything else, my heart was so heavy.
I am grateful for this sign of conscience becoming stronger, perhaps, and for being led the right way.
I'm still really struggling with evenings. I have been listening repeatedly to a very strong sermon on strongholds, and daily related bible readings with prayer. Life has definitely changed direction, and I am repeatedly returning to bring present (my first instruction from the Lord) and remembering that He does things through me; I am not the source. I have received clear help and direction, in handling (handing over) fears and attempts to gain attention or validation
The relief is considerable. However, when the wave of fear comes in the evening, I have lacked the courage to trust God, and I have still acted out with pmo. I'm going to stay with it. It's one hurdle, but it's screwing up everything else. Gonna keep praying and keep learning.
Thank you Lord for this forum, my brothers and sisters here, and the other many resources you have blessed me with.
Amen

PS the strongholds sermon is a truly great one of anyone would like to watch it