Ladies, Listen Up…

I find a whole lot, and I do mean an obscene inordinate amount, of addiction, betrayal trauma, and relationship advice in here to be absolutely exhausting. It’s an exercise in frustration to read, let alone comment on; which I have abstained from doing for a very long time, or at best, commented infrequently. I don’t have the patience for it anymore. It’s one thing to spend your time helping people. It’s quite another having to spend your time on people that don’t get it, don’t want to get it, and by all accounts, never will get it.

Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do barring this:

“Don’t believe anything you see, hear, or read unless it is something you already know to be true, or you’ve taken the time to research and confirm it for yourself. “

You have to remember, you’re soliciting advice from a bunch of people who are and remain active in their respective addictions. Quite frankly, they should spend a whole lot more time reading, a lot less time leading, and zero time breeding. We have far too many amateur psychologists and psychiatrists in here.

Ask for what you need. Take much of what you read in response, not with a grain of salt, but a whole salt mine full of it. If it doesn’t pass muster, if it doesn’t follow a logical methodical thought process, see if you can find sufficient corroborating evidence to support it. If not, file it in the waste basket. Pay close attention to those gut instincts, women’s intuition, sixth sense, or whatever you want ot call it. It is almost always right.

I hope this helps you in your endeavor to succeed. I don’t want you to survive. I want you to thrive. But I want you to do so in a manner that is healthy such that when you plot a course to your destiny, it will be that which upholds and sustains your pursuit of happiness. It is most important that you take care of you first, else none of the rest of it really matters.

 

Common sense is an oxymoron (with very heavy emphasis on "moron"). "...there are going to be post that are going to be usefull to the reader and posts that not..." No shit? Certainly, the reader can decide. The only problem is A) there is so much (mis)leading (mis)guided (mis)information that when people are seeking answers, their first reaction is to gravitate towards that which affirms their confirmation bias. For example, if I want to find information that would allow me to continue to masturbate, there is no shortage of available materials on the internet to tell me what I want to hear. B) If everyone here were in a state of mind to make logical decisions, none of us would have the need to be here now would we? C) Having a sex addict decide for themselves what's best for a sex addict as like having a lion and a sheep discussing what's for dinner. It doesn't work out too well.

As for the gold, it's fool's gold. It's not real gold. But you keep mining that field. You don't have to understand my intention, but it appears to me that it hit a little too close to home for you.

As for why am I only speaking to women here? They're the one's who have suffered the most tremendous losses from our very fucked up disposition(s) [word(s), action(s), & behavior(s)] as a direct result of our addictions. They're the ones who, for the most part, are out searching and researching to find answers to why they are experiencing so much hurt, pain, and suffering. And when they receive the very fucked up advice they do from so many people in here, it doesn't help them. It hurts them even more. It inflicts more pain. It only rubs salt in an already inflicted wound. I'm speaking to women because they, by and large, make up more than 90% of all betrayed partner's. But whatever. The point is, it doesn't apply to everyone. Not everyone is giving out stupid ass advice. Ask yourself this question. "What was my intention when I responded to it?"

 

I don’t care if you don’t agree.

I’m not frustrated. And besides, you don’t get to tell someone how to feel. That is Gaslighting.

You do?

Actually it does matter, hence the reason I posted the thread in the first place.

Look, I didn’t ask for your opinion nor am I interested in it.

Have a nice day Sir!

 

Now you're testing my patience. You don't want to go there Son.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I wrote an entire dissertation on it. A whole damned chapter on it. So yes, I know exactly what kind of people react that way. I pointed it out to you. I'm not going to bother to point out all of the other times I have witnessed you gaslight others in here as well. That wasn't my intent anyway. You don't really want to go down that path. Now, if you want to learn about it instead of trying to bully your way through it, i'll be happy to teach you. I sure as hell am not going to waste any more of my time sparring with you over it.

Not worth the dignity of a response.

Was there some misunderstanding when I said "I don't care if you agree"? What part of it did you not understand? Is English a second language for you?

For the record, pretty much everything I write is supported and substantiated by fact, and opinions associated with them are not only supported by empirical scientific data, but also peer reviewed by licensed professionals. I have thousands and thousands of hours of research, well over a thousand pages of written documentation, exercises, and recovery programs written on the subject matter. What you got? So I don't much give a shit about your opinion, and neither should anybody give a shit about mine. It's the difference between "fact" and "fiction". Which characteristic best describes you anyway? "Amateur Psychologist" or "Amateur Psychiatrist"?

LMAO, you think this line of diatribe intimidates me? I am used to it. I just don't have the patience to accept it and put up with it any longer. I can handle people disagreeing with me all day long. I just can't handle people who believe in the shit they keep shoveling as if they're shoveling gold. "Fool's Gold", remember? Don't you dare tell me what to think. That, "...maybe you shoud think about it next time you are about to post something...", Sir, is gaslighting too. That would be on the 16th page, 3rd paragraph in the chapter on Gaslighting, under the heading: "Things That Tell us What “TO” Think & How “TO” Feel" So you see, you should be intimately familiar with gaslighting. You've done a marvelous job at it to me several times already.

Well of course I tagged you. Who else was I responding to but you? Wasn't it you who tagged me to begin with? I'm very congruent with my disposition(s) [word(s), action(s), & behavior(s)] in continuity, consistency, and commitment.

Go back and learn something. If you want my help with it, all you have to do is ask. I hold no grudges. I hold no resentment. But if this is how you wish to proceed, trust me, you DO NOT want to spar with me over this shit. I haven't been around the block with it. I've been around the world with it. If this is your case, if this if your argument, you've got none.

Again, if you want my help, I will help you. If you don't, just go back to doing whatever it is you've been doing because we're finished here. At the very least, I am.

Have a nice day.
GhostWriter

 

Never wanted nor expected you or anyone else to be like me. Do you carry this cavalier attitude when you seek advice from, I don't know, say an oncologist when you have been diagnosed with cancer for example? I mean "Doc, you think you know everything. I'm gonna go have a beer and listen to the drunk down at the other end of the bar". Why don't you stop, look, listen, and learn instead of spewing out all of your absolutely ignorant advice? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am published; a lot, and the subject matter is all addiction, betrayal trauma, and their relationships. I haven't just read a lot, I've written volumes and volumes of content. But whatever, that's beside the point. Yes, I believe there are people that find my stuff very useful. I have plenty of people who have recovered as a result of it as a testimony to it. and yes, I believe there are people that find your stuff useful, albeit, in a few years, they'll be seeking help from people like me for damage control. I've seen stuff you've posted, and I never once called you out on it. But you, for reasons only you can explain, felt the need to call me out on mine? What hubris is this? I don't find your help useful. I find it down right dangerous. There again, you opened up Pandora's box on this, so quit hijacking my thread because you're all butt hurt because somebody, me, was willing to call you out on your bullshit.

If this is your idea of helping people, you're doing a marvelous job at it! That was a rhetorical statement. The sad part is, you don't even really understand who attacked who here. Do ya think I started this thread for my own health? Or do you think that my intention was to help people? Oh, that's right.

My bad. OK, let me clear this up for ya. My intention is solely to help women understand that an insurmountable amount of information they receive in here is inherently dangerous to their recovery. That clear enough for ya?

Ask yourself this question, as I ask this of addicts all the time. "Do you have to be right? Or do you have to be in a relationship?" Which is it for you? You're the one who seems to be hell bent on being right. I don't have to be right. so in order to yield to your necessity to be right, I must be wrong? Yeah, I'll just let a jury of our peers here make that determination, and I'll go with that. If a preponderance of the evidence suggests that I am wrong, I'll concede and say that I am wrong. Otherwise, good luck with that.

"...Don't take life so serious..."? Yeah, I wonder how all of these wonderful women, beautiful in body, mind, and spirt, because let's be clear, they aren't inanimate objects, subject to our objectification and sexual gratification would feel about that. Remember this?

Yeah, that statement falls right into that same category on Gaslighting. Can you actually post a response without gaslighting? I'm just curious.

These betrayed Partners are not here for us with their individual parts, but the sum of their parts. If you love them, you must love all of them; not just those parts of them you can use for your own personal self-serving selfish purposes. If I were you, I'd take it real serious. They are! Are you kidding me with this shit? Ask any of them here "how much fun and joy are you having being here?" Go ahead. I dare ya.

Don't shoot the messenger. You brought all of this down on yourself. You go ahead and keep doing what you're doing. Just go find somewhere else besides my thread to do it. I'm tired of you, I'm done with you, and until such time you genuinely want HELP recovering, for all intents and purposes, we're finished with this conversation. No need to respond. You WILL NOT get a response out of me barring seeking HELP. Oh, and one other thing. don't let your ego and pride stand in your way asking for HELP, unless you want to live a life alone.

As for the advice? You're welcome!
Have a safe 4th of July Weekend,

GhostWriter

PS ~ Consider this: When you lay claim to "...little by little i'm helping people get a little better...", and you ignore every single ounce of feedback that opposes your viewpoint, they haven't stopped arguing with you because you are right. They stopped arguing with you because they get tired of arguing with your ignorant ass anymore. I know it all too well. I was once there.