35 and older accountability, Group 2

It is your journey. I hope you have a lot of success with this. Please commit to keeping us updated on your progression, so that if it does work it can help others. If it doesn’t, that is helpful too. I hope this heals you.

 

I don't understand the purpose of future experiments? Didn't you already learn what you needed to from the first one?

 

@InnerMan My initial reaction is that, I think it could work and I think I've experienced something similar (my system not reacting to P the same way after not viewing it in a reboot attempt for a while). Although, I myself don't plan to try it. If you decide to do it, I would think that maximum once per year (just like a vaccination) would be the right amount and frequency.

Checking in here... I think things are going well, but today I've felt a few urges... it seems the past few days I've been too busy and I don't remember any significant urges but they may have happened.

Overall I feel I'm on the right track because the urges that do come are seemingly more easy to ignore than previous reboot attempts.

I feel like I've been somewhat rebooted already, but my urges today made me feel like I could revert back and relapse still.

I plan to continue writing in my journal soon.

Best wishes to everyone.

 

My only advise is what has been working for me lately. I'm on day 28 and I feel I'm doing good. I've been trying to learn more about dopamine and the other things in the body that affect your pleasure. I've been doing many things to keep dopamine levels higher and I think they are working. And with higher dopamine levels, the journey to 28 days has been easier so far.
I'll put a simple list here but I would encourage you to research for yourself also as there is a lot of information available on the web on it.

1. Regular exercise that gets you tired
2. Eating healthy and trying to find and fix any deficiencies in your diet
3. Avoiding sugar and caffeine (I don't do this 100% but I think what I'm doing may be helping)
4. Find other ways to increase dopamine
5. Avoid things that decrease dopamine if possible

This is my overall strategy and I feel it's helping me so far.

 

Any good reading you recommend on the subject? Caffeine will be hard for me.

 

I've consumed much info about it on the web and youtube...

Here is an article I saw before ...
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/how-to-increase-dopamine

Here are some articles I just found that seem to have good info...
https://brainmd.com/blog/7-ways-to-boost-dopamine-focus-and-energy/
https://bebrainfit.com/increase-dopamine/

These both have info and details I haven't seen. At first glance it looks very informative and consistent with info I've found elsewhere. I hope we can use some of it.

 

hey man!

Cool cool. Thank you for sharing your transparent experience with us.

My thoughts is true freedom is when we genuinely have no desire for something any more through our conscious recognition that this thing is not really serving me.

So for example for alcohol - I abstained from it for few years then i had a little and felt sick and no i genuinely don't even think about touching it.

I also noticed similar patterns with Ecstasy, I used to love taking and and thought if i am given a chance ill do it, but then i did it a few years ago and the calm down was too painful for me to be able to appreciate the highs.

So I feel it depends on what is your #1 goal. For me i felt it in my soul that i want to have at least 1 year freedom from porn and sex an to see how it feels, and so i did that, then after I realized, while I gained something i felt like i lost something, so i gave myself become more sexual this year, and i'm still learning how to play with that, but I think turning any thing in to a religion is not the right way.

True freedom is when we are doing it from our heart not from our head.

Now in your case, here are my thoughts if it was me.

I can only speak from my own experience.

I think 170 days is too short of a time (for me) to start experimenting, i did mine after 1.7 months of abstinence and I got a head ache and so on but to be honest I still have tendencies of wanting to watch just for that initial dopamin hit rush in the head when bored.

But i also say experiences and relapses is actually how we grow and learn. Gandhi relapsed many times and he felt the suffering of it and that resulted in him becoming more firm in his conviction.

To be honest I have similar challenges in a dif way.

Part of me wants to be open to sex before relationship just to see how it would feel and see that I don't have to place rules for myself, but part of me knows that is something that i have outgrown and it would only cause suffering, and that what Im genuinely wanting is a deeper experience of the soul which comes through commitment and relationship - and sex can be a part of it.

After taking to my conscious friends, and asking the question in my meditation and hearing my mentors share their thoughts, I feel the latter - being in a relationship - is what feels true.

But in my moments of weakness, when i'm feeling so excited, or horney and such a beautiful summer day, I just want to have sex with any one i don't even care.

So knowing this I may set a rule for myself, to free my mind from the agony of having to keep going back and forth with the question of "am i having sex, am i not having sex".

So having written this I feel what is true for me is for the rest of this year I am choosing to live with confident that I am going to be in a relationship with a conscious partner and abstain from sexuality until this happens.



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Any way back to you - These questions can help you get clarity

1. What was your SOUL FELT GOAL when you decided to join this group? (for me it was 1 year of total abstinence)

2. If you have reached your soul-felt goal, then you may experiment and be willing to relapse and learn from it, if not then I suggest you honor your soul-felt goal and abstain until that is met.

 

It's been a while since I shared an update. I've been stuck in a loop for many weeks now, relapsing every few days. Things are going well otherwise, but I've been busy and it was just easier to go with it than to try to get things under control. The same thing goes for coffee, sugar, exercise and alcohol, I'm not doing too bad overall, but I could definitely be doing better.

 

Thanks for your feedback guys! I'll speak a bit to some of your comments and concerns.

It's a reasonable question and even the subtext is understandable, but the answer is no. Look, in principle, even 30 seconds of porn is too much. But for what I'm trying to achieve this is not a 'one and done' thing. It's a process. Insight requires study, which takes time and repeated experimentation. And that's the dilemma. How much is enough? Unfortunately there's no blueprint or single answer. This is a very unconventional approach so it feels like I'm trail-blazing a little.

That's an interesting suggestion. I like that idea of once a year, especially as a practice in the future once I feel like I'm through with this initial wave of experiments.

well said

It's in flux and it's progressive. Initially it was 2 weeks of nofap/SR, goal met. Then 40 days, goal met. Then 90 days, goal met. Then 120 days, goal met. Now 180, and I'm close, although not the SR part because I recently ejaculated during sex with my wife. So 180 is now to be P and M free, even though I'm back to doing SR. So my goals are progressive in nature, which I would assume is the way it is for most people.

Thanks for that take and you may be right. So far though, I haven't really been having an issue with needing to see more P due to urges. I believe your approach was to use P to stimulate your sex drive. That's not what I'm up to. So is 170 days too soon? Possibly. But I'm going by what my intuition tells me, not by some pre-planned scheme or schedule. This decision comes from being in tune with my body, my mind, my life. It's not whimsical, and that's why I would never recommend it to anyone else. It's not something that can be replicated from person to person.

1) To be free of this addiction and to live a porn and masturbation free lifestyle, permanently. Or, at the very least, to manage the addiction so effectively so that it doesn't run my life. 2) To try out Semen Retention for around 6 months and see if there's anything to all that hype. Mission accomplished. I feel I've done it long enough to have a good sense of sifting the truth from the bullshit.

And so that's precisely the point. My soul felt goal isn't quantifiable. It's a qualitative experience; a way of being. I.e. internal freedom from the compulsive, reactive, addictive need to use porn to mask suffering. I have come a LONG way in achieving this, and I feel ready for the next step of confronting porn head on to examine why it had such a hold on me.

However gentlemen, I respect your views and concerns and I'm no rush to proceed with these experiments. I will take my sweet time before trying out Porn Experiment 2. This is a delicate act on my part, it's definitely playing with fire. And when that happens, you risk getting burnt, or you may also learn how to use the light and heat of that fire to do great things. It's a calculated risk, but a risk nonetheless.

Thanks again for your feedback and I'm happy to keep this conversation going. I'll be sure to keep you guys updated on my results.

 

I like your answer InnerMan. I like what Ram Das says in one of his talks, he says at the end you have to trust your intuitive heart as the final answer, and choose that answer with total trust, knowing you can not really make a mistake because every thing is here to teach us something about ourselves.
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So the question is what would make you feel without a doubt that you are "Free of this addiction and to live a porn and masturbation free lifestyle"

Because you technically are the minute you stop watching porn So for me i felt if i go for a year I will prove to myself that i am actually free, but each person is different you may feel it after 3 months or 6 months or whatever.

And your right the answer my not be so specific but intuitively or a range of time perhaps can give us a hint as to what feels the most aligned choice.

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BTW after the semen retention experiment, what are some of your discoveries? How do you feel about your partner? The pleasure and fulfillment of sex? do you feel more connected or any changes?

 

Hi @persona2903, I have read the rules and would like to join this group. Looks like you have an active community here and I could use a place to discuss my progress and keep me honest. Let me know if there is a space. Thanks

 

That's a good question. Honestly, my sense is that the main benefit of semen retention is that it gives you a psychological advantage. I won't go so far as to say it's placebo, but I think the hype around it is over-stated. When I say psychological advantage, I mean that it's a damn hard thing to do, so when you get a long streak going, it feels like you're achieving something impressive. Just that capacity to say 'no' to yourself repeatedly makes you feel like you're climbing some awesome mountain. In my case, I have to say 'no' to myself during sex, and actually, multiple times during each session. So that gives me a mental edge on everybody else, because I know for damn sure that almost nobody in my social orbit is crazy enough to be doing this haha. So if I can say 'no' to myself at times when I so desperately want to ejaculate, in principle I can say 'no' to almost anything else. It just makes other challenges easier from a psychological standpoint.

The other benefit I find is that semen retention normally leads to wanting to become disciplined in other areas of your life. So you retain semen, then you're like okay I need to work on my diet now. I need to cut back on my phone use. I need to be a better father. I need to workout more regularly, etc. So it's not directly responsible for all of those other things, but it goes hand in hand with cultivating a more positive lifestyle. However, it will not happen automatically. Semen retention is no guarantee of any of that stuff - one still has to make those intentions and efforts. I've had plenty of days and times on semen retention when I felt like shit, to be honest. So it's just a good baseline, but definitely not the end goal.

Where I think Semen retention is over-rated is that people claim various things about it - it makes your voice deeper, it gives you an aura, it causes female attraction, etc. Honestly, I really wanted to believe all that, and at first, it seemed like there was truth to it. But as my streak got longer I realized that it's largely placebo. If people do have those kinds of experiences, I think it's more to do with the fact that semen retention gives you that psychological edge like I said above, so you carry yourself with more confidence. But I doubt there's something inherent about semen that creates these effects in the real world. However, even it is placebo, I would argue, what difference does it make? Whether it's all in your head or if it actually has a reality to it, if the outcome is positive does it really matter?

In terms of pleasure during sex, yeah man, definitely more pleasurable and sex lasts way longer because ejaculating is out of the question so I have to find ways to keep going lol Strong sex drive at random moments as well - sometimes I'll turn over at like 2 am and even though I was just sleeping a second ago, I'm horny and ready to rock and roll! I never had an issue with PIED but I will say that when I've been on SR, my sex drive is great.

Last point, if someone combines semen retention with an energy practice/meditation of some kind, I definitely think there's a lot of potential to utilize and mobilize that energy...I.e. sexual transmutation. I didn't do those kind of practices but my intuition and my experiences with meditation tell me that it's very likely true. And I think THAT's actually when the REAL benefits of semen retention come forward.

Thanks for making me think about that because to be honest I've lost some of my motivation to practice SR. This helped me bring back some focus.

 

I have used porn and masturbated. I am sober as of 7/7/21 @ 0115.

 

Hi all, very glad to join the group! I am in my early 40s and have been using porn for a long time. I always felt embarrassed and uncomfortable about it, yet I also did not think of it as a problem until recently. Last December, I realized how it leads to me sneaking around at times on my SO and how it also totally misdirects part of my sex drive. Luckily we have a good relationship though and I don't want to burden her with this if I can solve it myself. Since then, I've achieved a strong reduction in porn consumption to about once a month or so, yet I always relapse at some point, invariably after slowly doing more sleuthing for porn substitutes. So, my resolution is to count even unsuccessful sleuthing (like "mindlessly" browsing facebook videos hoping something juicy comes up, or "checking" my youtube feed just to "make sure" there is no titillating content) as a relapse. I feel I am some way towards solving this problem, but not allowing myself to look for something stimulating will be very challenging. I initially expect I may have some shorter relapse cycles, but am determined to keep myself honest and take the next steps. Huge respect to you all for trying hard, and hope you achieve your goals!

 

The brain is very sneaky and does try to trick you into finding alternative ways to replace the porn we are used using. I've noticed this and it why I've stopped using social media.

 

Well done guys. This is a reminder to me as I relapsed on day 83. I wouldn't be far off 6 months if id kept going. Been in a rut and can't seem to get past 10 days.

 

Checking in here. I just wrote a post in my blog.

Things aren't going so well today. I had a p sub binge and it wasn't good. I feel I should be able to avoid PMO. I do feel the effects of healthy dopamine sources have helped me get this far. I believe if I continue to focus on that, I should be able to avoid a full relapse.

 

Quick update as I passed a full week yesterday with no p, no p-subs, and not searching for p subs, conscious or unconsciously. Super clean week and good start, let's see if I can get to two weeks.