A place to talk about 'Second Life'

I have been debating whether to make this thread or not as Second Life (SL) is such a harmful place for P addicts and I don't want to give anyone ideas of joining it. Disclaimer: DON'T FUCKING JOIN SECOND LIFE


My experience:


SL was really the catalyst for turning my P habit into a full blown addiction. It lets you play out your fantasies with other human beings completely anonymously and with zero consequence as you're acting through a virtual avatar.


For me, it started quite tame. I made an account just to see what it was all about, with designs to study and write a piece about it. Of course, I got sucked in immediately. I can't speak to what it used to be like in its heyday, but I can say for certain that now almost the entire platform is based around virtual sex and roleplay. I suppose this is because it's the ultimate consequence free environment to live out perverse fantasies that you would never have the chance to do in real life.


I entered SL with some kinks and a predominantly 'dominant' sexuality. I left as a confused, scarred and addicted submissive with unhealthy and unrealistic obsessions.


It's bizarre. Like most men I've had the thought of 'what if I was a girl, like the ones in porn?' which I believe to be pretty natural. Many women I've spoken to have had the same thoughts about gender swapping and as a horny teenager these thoughts were rare but existent. I can say for certain that I'm most comfortable as a straight man - men simply don't arouse me - but those occasional teenage fantasies were allowed to flourish in SL where you can literally play as a woman and barely anyone questions it. Despite having both a male and female avatar, I found that slowly I would only play as the female one, with my tastes getting more and more extreme. What’s even stranger is that this 'lie' about ones real life gender is completely accepted in SL, as most of the women you see are probably men behind the screen, and everyone knows it.


So I started slow but the investment became both emotional and financial rather quickly. To have an avatar that anyone will even chat with, you have to spend a large amount of money making them look good. I don't even want to know how much RL cash I've wasted on virtual items over the years but it was a lot. Once you look good, you go out and find what you want in this fake world. I met hundreds of people, some were nice, others deeply disturbed. Some I submitted to, others I made submit. I feel sick thinking about it, but those relationships have such a strong hold on me even today.


Still sound harmless? At my peak I was on SL for 4-6 hours a day, sometimes much more if I wasn’t working. This time was spent mentally and physically 'edging' and either waiting for someone particular to come online or finding someone new to 'play' my fantasies with. I would very rarely get off from SL alone, so at a certain point I would switch to P when I wanted to finish.

At the time, I was in total denial of what I was doing. Sure, I had this 'thing' I did every evening, but it never crossed over into my real life and all my problems were because of other things... right?


I finally got out for good last year. A perfect storm of meeting a new domme (who was also probably a dude) who got far too deep into my psyche and started using that to get personal details out of me (shamefully the most exciting thing i've ever experienced), and my computer dying with no hope of a quick fix (literally forcing me to stop using SL). Like any addict I had horrible withdrawals as the crushing reality of my situation came down on me. In the end I found a therapist with a specialisation in porn addiction and discovered nofap. Today I am happy and confident. A totally different man and one who sees a future for myself. I still get strong cravings and flashbacks, but I can say with certainty I will never go back to SL again.


Thoughts:


Second life is exactly what it says it is. A SECOND LIFE. One that dissociates you from reality the more you use it, eventually becoming stronger than reality itself (Some people on there were at a point where they never left their house. Literally living 24/7 in second life).This attracts people like us. We have something missing in our lives and SL - like any P or Psub - Is there to fill it.

Like heroin, Sl creeps up on you. It seems harmless at first but it can quickly become the only life you find any pleasure in. Projected through a virtual version of 'yourself' which in reality just represents your wildest desires.


Finally:


What do you guys think? anyone else had any experiences with SL? How did you quit? How did it mess you up?


I've searched through nofap before and have seen the subject mentioned a few times, but never in any detail. My goal is to have somewhere where ex-SL users can discuss and heal together, so feel free to chat and ask questions.



P.S.


I think it goes without saying that if you are still on SL: STOP.

 

It's absolutely the same. As my nofap journey has progressed I've found it easier to see these roleplay experiences as deeply unfulfilling. They push all your buttons at the time but they never really get to any satisfying conclusion - even 'normal' porn with all its fakery is more real than the best roleplay scenario. I hope you find the help you need and find a way to move one. I have gone back to SL a few times since I wrote this post but it's never been for more than a night or two, and each time the experience makes me hate it more. Admitting the problem is the hardest part so I believe you're on the right track brother!

 

I hear you, it's a dark place. I think one of the reasons you see very few people talking about it is that when you're IN its almost impossible to get OUT. Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat about it more.

 

I think it already is. I remember reading a post years ago when VR was relatively new and I was still a porn addict in denial that VR-porn was far more addictive than the regular stuff. At the end of the day, this addiction leads you to wanting not only to 'watch' porn, but to actively 'be' porn. SL is a way of fulfilling that and so is VR. Both seem to disassociate someone from their true identity which clearly creates a whole host of mental health problems. So glad I never owned a VR headset!

 

You're in the right place man. It's hard and it takes time but trust me, you can get over it. I also used to feel awful going outside and meeting people, like there were 2 people inside of me - the 'real me' and the 'roleplay me' and sometimes I wasn't sure which one was the actual person. You're not alone mate, just take it one day at a time and quit.

 

Yeh, maybe I was exaggerating a bit with saying 'most' are men. Either way a significant portion of them are men behind the screen. You're totally right in that it lessens the feeling of responsibility when its virtual, as if talking through an avatar is not really a reflection of who you really are. Good to hear you got out for good, I'm also past it I feel as the financial investment to get back in has always stopped me re-committing when I relapse.