35 and Older Accountability Group

Not entirely sure how my last relapse happened. I wasn't particularly tired or stressed. Somewhat of course, but that is to be expected when you have 2 kids and a job. It truly just happened on autopilot. Was home alone, on a work call that was not particularly relevant to me, went on instagram to look at normal stuff, the call ended, stayed on instagram....the rest is history.

Clearly the mistake was allowing myself to get distracted on that call. But that will happen again, I won't be focused 100% of the time for the rest of my life.

I've been following Universal Man which I find very interesting, I've even been doing his basic reboot regimen habits and followed them in detail these past couple of days. And still....Maybe I need to increase the intensity of listening to his podcasts? Practice self talk multiple times a day? At least in these early days? Not really sure, I feel really worried, this last relapse makes it feel like there is little hope of recovery. I know that is not true of course, but I'm analyzing what just happened and not coming up with an obvious answer.

 

Alright, thought about it some more.

The circumstances I already talked about.

The emotions I was feeling were generally feeling worn down by married life with kids plus a sense of frustration about my wife being so busy all the time. Ultimately I talked myself into going on instagram. I knew that in the search field most pictures would be safe for work, but that there would be images here and there from prior nsfw stuff. That is exactly what my brain was going for.

The only solution I can think of currently is to talk to myself about fishing for psubs multiple times a day. I really need to engrain it in my brain that that is not ok and leads to a life of misery.

 

are there other things you can do when feeling tired / worn down? something that re-energizes you?

 

Certainly! A nap, a walk, stretches, even just sitting down without any screens and just being present.

I am trying to integrate those in my daily routine a bit more, so that hopefully I don't get to the point where my brain goes on autopilot.

 

through another day, although I was particularly busy yesterday, which helped....

 

Relapsed so starting a new streak today. I was feeling very down and low and P created back in for comfort...usual story. Must remember my 65 and 73 day streaks.

 

Ok sounds good, thank you.

 

Check in ...

 

Checking in. 15 days. Just had my first real urges that made me stop in my tracks wondering whether or not I was actually going to break my streak. Wanted to show up here and remember what I am doing and why it is important.

I will not masturbate today

Sending good vibes to all. stay strong people

 

Relapsed here on Day 6. So frustrated.

 

I failed today lads, back to day 0

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group. Probably it is already full because I see 20 names there, but please put me on the waiting list. I'm 36 years old. Thanks, it would be really helpful!

 

forgive yourself and begin again! you hv done it in the past dear!

 

Me too. It's a struggle getting going right now

 

Not to worry, get back on the horse and good luck!

 

It's hard work man.

 

Happy to have 3 days again, I always feel the worst during those.

After the 'chaser' urges from the last relapse that wanted me to binge, I've been able to resist relatively easily. Very happy I conquered those, they only lasted about an afternoon.

 

Checking in after a week of no internet due to being in the backcountry. Had a great time hiking and camping and watching the stars. Even there though scenes would pop into my head, the still lingering habits of PMO life. I’m wondering when, if ever, that subsides but I’m keeping up the good fight and there’s been no temptation to relapse since returning to civilization. I’m days away from 6 months and I’m not about to screw that up! Be well everyone