90 Days Post!

About Me
Hey Everyone! Myself Prathamesh Koli I’m from India and I’m 17 years old. I’m anxious and kinda scardy cat since childhood. I do decent in academics and Below average outdoors. I live in a family where I have a loving and caring mom a sister who is two years older then me and My Father is alcoholic who abuses my mom mentally and physically. So yeah I’m having hard time since childhood. I was always that guy Who just spent times with his male friends. I was not a popular guy. Never had a good friendship with girls. Just used to do stuff for the sake of doing it.

How I Got Introduced to Porn and Masturbation

I was 7 or 8 year old when I was exposed to naked pics of women because of my cousin and one of his friend. I didn’t cared back then about it, but was just disgusted and moved on. I told about it to my mother and she yelled at me, But I didn’t have an Idea what was actually going on and why she was angry lol. Fast forward To When I was 13 I watched Pornography out of curiosity on my own and I was so disgusted and cringed out. Soon I discovered Masturbation as well when I was 14.

Addiction

I don’t how But I started doing pmo almost everyday since 9th grade and I didn’t knew that I was addicted. Everything continued as it was. After I was done with 10th grade had a loon holiday and I became a fully blown addict, that’s when I started noticing that this is becoming a problem. Talking more about About Pornography addiction I just viewed the common genre. Not into hardcore stuff nor had any fetishes.

Life started going Down the Hill

After the vacation I was an complete addict. I wasted my 11th and 12th grade in Pmo. It became Couping mechanism for me from all soughts of emotions like stress, anxiety, deppression, overwhelmness, overconfidence, confidence, excitement, etc. I was too anxious, couldn’t focus on studies or anything. Also the situation at home always added fuel to the fire. I was always frustrated, Full of fear from inside, never wanted to go out of my comfort zone. Just keep slacking off watch anime and stuff

Rockbottom Moments

1) Almost got caught in 9th grade. Somehow my sister unlocked my phone and checked my history (I didn’t cared about clearing history because I had screen lock on phone) and she told it to my mom as well. I just Made an excuse and said those are just annoying ads They keep popping up now and then. And closed the topic.

2) When the covid lockdown was over and As I was still an addict. Itold to my mom that I was addicted and cried. She gave me head pats and told me it’s al going to be fine, just don’t do it(I knew this was not going to work either). Also My sister ended up making fun of my addiction and laughed hard.
I had these two worst situations in my life till now.

Nofap

I came to know about nofap when I was 16 in 11th grade from an Indian youtuber Named Salil Jamdar who created a series of 3 episodes on Pornography addiction and nofap. Also from ‘Universal man’ a great youtuber who talks about this addiction in deep as well. Another one is ‘Noah BE Church’. And Most Importantly a teen who conquered his addiction at the age of 17 none other than ‘I am Lucid’. Also more Other youtbers played ahuge role as well like Beerbiceps, Fittuber, Seth Alexander, Fearless Dan, Captain Sindbad. Also the youtube channel named ‘Fight the new drug’ created huge awareness within me.

Streaks

Tried and Failed! Failed and Failed and Failed, but kept trying. Lasted for 3,5,7,8,9,10,11,16,22,104. This streaks were not consecutive stucked between these days for huge period of time. Yes I made it to day 104 as well but relapsed again.

Learning about the addiction

I learned about this addiction from youtube, other online articles and ofcourse books. The books I read are The porn Pandemic, Your Brain On Porn and the book which helped me to deal with the urges ‘Power Over Pornography’.

Recovery

Relapsed on day 104 but got up again and here I am today again on Day 90. I feel proud of Myself for getting up and always keep going. I’m still recovering Btw I got other. I’m notable to build consistent habits yet like reading, yoga, meditating and exercising. But I’ll try my best.

Changes within Me

PMO doesn’t make any sense to me anymore. I feel proud of myself. I have more confidence then before. Most importantly I don’t view women as only a sex object
.
Thanks to nofap communities

Thanks To telegram groups, discord comminites, youtube channels, the nofap website itself.
The secret is just keep going, learning about your problems and acting on them effectively, Power Of Acknowledgement and Accpetance, Power To choose. Your Vision and Goals Play the Key role.
I’m gonna continue this path and work on my goals and Will stay active in Nofap community, Peace!

 

Thanks For sharing your part Big Brother

 

Yessir