The Divorce/Divorcee Thread

Hey!

For me, divorce was probably one of the best things that happened to me.
One of my friends cheekily said "after seeing how happy you were after your divorce, I got motivated to dump all toxic people out of my life". And he did, he quit his job that made him miserable and he dropped his gf that was only getting on his nerves. And I am genuinely happy being by myself and no longer in that toxic marriage.

I have to say I'm not taking things slower, but much more rational and calm. I just meet people and approach them and if it happens - it happens, if not, moving along.

As a suggestion - figure out your life and re-construct it while single and then look to date. Don't do this just for the thought of not being lonely - it's important that first you get comfortable being single. I had about 6-7 months break before things escalated with a certain someone.

 

Upon many hours of reflection it is clear to me why me and my ex wife gravitated towards each other. We were both lost souls that had found one another. I had my issues, she had her issues, and neither of us knew how to love ourselves in a lonely world. So I guess we both figured it would be less painful to navigate as a team.

We eloped in Vegas with only several close friends in attendance. I still look back on that weekend as one of my fondest memories. Deep down I knew that we were not destined to grow old and gray together. I also knew that the marriage would explode in spectacular fashion due to my addictions. But for that weekend I just pushed those thoughts to the side and had the greatest time ever. Just me and my new bride; gambling, drinking, taking bumps of coke with the closest members of our inner circle. That night we all hung out at The Chandelier Bar until the wee hours of the morning, none of us wanting the party to ever end. Part of me would love to live in that weekend forever, frozen in time.

Whenever I hear the song "Naive Melody" by Talking Heads I always think about that weekend (along with the movie "Wall Street").

Since we never had any kids there was no reason to keep in contact after our divorce. There was a part of me that wanted to call her after I had some time in sobriety to apologize but I let her be. Intruding in her new life would only be to satisfy my own ego so I let her be and wish her well in life. I hope she's found happiness without me.

I don't know what the future holds for me as it relates to romance but I do know in my heart that I need to continue with my celibacy for the time being.

 

Saludos
Yo estuve separado x 1 año, nunca nos casamos pero tenemos una niña en común, los primeros años fueron estupendo los últimos muy dificiles, el hábito de PMO Volvió con fuerza en la soledad en 2020/21 x eso hago NoFab .
Creo q lo más importante es tener un nuevo enfoque de Vida, metas , y un Porque vivir ...

 

Amen. While I can't say I was in any way "happy" after I left my wife and ended up without a place to live for 8 months in 2014, when I look at photos of me and my wife in the 2-3 years leading up to my leaving, I look like a ghost. Jeez, I was so lonely in that relationship. Not lonely now, and enjoying dating women who are 30 years younger. Why not??

 

My issues caused my separation and later divorce...Was separated 5 yrs. total! I sometimes don't know why I waited so long, but I waited what was needed for me to be able to pull that trigger and call it a day....
I learned a lot from that time, and Fast Fwd to today, and another marriage that also ended just months ago(was a disaster in many ways and toxic!) I have met the woman that fills my many cups of Blessings! Very Happy to be with her, and am in NoFap, and becoming cleaner for she and I! I have had to learn to forgive, and try to forget my exes damage to my soul! Through it all I have learned even in turmoil God is Always Good to me no matter what..

 

I like this. You sound like a good man.

 

Been separated 11 years - and still separated. First things first, I guess.

 

You have to be the One to decide when is right, and do not let anyone tell when is good for you...
You can do this BoraxKarloff! Everyone has their own time-table for what/when's right for them...
Help comes from above!

 

Hey man, thanks for sharing your story. My story is that I never experienced marriage. But I may not be as old as you are... Currently I'm 27. I have had a journey, though. I went from being very shy to learning how to talk to women that I meet throughout the day and when I'm out on weekends.

Escaping porn has been part of my journey, as I have used it as an escape many times. Now I prefer real women.

I know a lot of guys on here are looking to get more dates...

Would you like me to share a Facebook group for successful guys who have their life together, but want their dating life improved?

 

Hello Bobby,
If you're like me in both of my 2 marriages....I tried everything that I knew humanly possible to make mine work out (my 1st I tried 6 or 7 different marriage/counselors), and Nada=Nothing!, and that was because if the other is done they're done(that means they won't be will to put forth any more effort to make things work....). I always figured that I never wanted someone to be with me out of feeling that they were obligated to be with me..... Maybe this is just a Time for You to use as that you get Free from Porn and all those types of distractions(not very good ones, but I get I am in the similar boat...) I am using these next 90 Days to become A Free Man! (from porn and perversion once and for all)! Maybe that's it for you as well...not sure you have to decide on that note...All I know is that God has a Better Purpose that being so entangled in this Garbage called "Sin!" God Bless and keep the blog going! And Keep the Fight to Be Free!

 

That is a perfectly natural. In experience, I know in my heart if hearts that I've moved on but have still thought about her and at times I even had dreams about her.

Considering she was almost 10 years in my life, I've learned to accept that's just a part of me and who I am. She was in my life and that will always remain true.

 

That’s understandable. It’s easy to repeat old behaviors. But you are aware of them now, so it’s your choice if you want to repeat those old behaviors.

 

I’m not divorced but if I do it will be solely because of his addiction. I love him, but I can’t deal with the relapse/addiction/lies…. 34 years together, I’m just about done. Can’t do it anymore.

 

I didn't let the blame fall on me, for I did All I could ...All that I could humanly do I felt I did it but it's funny you should mention it cause last I had those thoughts like I should have done more....like forgive her...but then I think she did cheat on me and tried to poison me...so, I don't think I could have gotten past all that?!! I think certain things push the situation to where it is Beyond the Point of No Return! That's what mine was from what I just told above..../\....I hope this helps some.
?