The Jedi Temple (open)

Day 0 Youngling
May the Force be with you

 

day 16 padawan

 

Watching p-subs draws me to the dark side.

 

Day 2 - Jedi Youngling

 

451 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 17 as Padawan. Well I made it through all of that anxiety from yesterday and I'm still here. I'm okay. There is this old philosophical idea of using your suffering as fuel for the fire of your enlightenment and growth. As Nietzsche says:
“you must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?”
I think the idea is that having anxiety or any bad feelings is not indicating that anything bad is happening. It could mean that something really good is happening, you just have to be patient and not get sucked down in the whirlwind of the emotions. Despite bad feelings I am okay and fine as I am, there isn't any need to think that I'm not doing good enough, because I am making progress despite what my negative thoughts tell me. Even with a lot of anxiety I have been able to learn to change my thinking to be more positive and rational by doing cognitive behavior therapy. Even if things seem slow at the present time, I am making progress all the time; I am improving all the time. In the past I would relapse into PMO because when I had a lot of anxiety I believed the negative thoughts producing the anxiety, and then I wanted an escape. But all I was escaping from was an irrationally manufactured illusion created in the past, rather than something real in the present moment. There wasn't any danger to escape from because it was always mind created. There is reality, and then there is your thoughts interpreting reality. And reality is usually something you can deal with rather than mind fabrications.

There was a moment a couple of days ago where I realized that I was 15 days free of PMO, and R E A L I Z E D that. I saw myself outside of the way I perceived myself as PMO dependent. I really thought that I was going to be addicted to this forever, but then having a moment appreciating that I broke free of it felt a huge relief. I am not my past and the negative way that I learned to view myself. I am not the way that others have treated me over the years as weak or incompetent. I never got to know myself because everyone around me didn't want to know themselves, so I took on their habits of self denial. I am not the way I learned to think of myself because I am the way I choose to think about myself.

 

That's the spirit!

 

Day 56 - Jedi Knight

3 days, to a new ranking!

 

Day 1

My last post a few days ago, I felt pretty good. Turns out my binge was not yet finished, but I am now 1.5 days clean, and I took steps to limit access to pornographic images including deleting this social app, and using an image blocker on google chrome. Saw some P-subs yesterday in trying to delete the app, but I did not act out. I closed out of them and went about my day and I feel a hell of a lot better than I have in a long time.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

day 17 padawan

 

Day 1 complete ∞ i am who i want to be

 

2 Days: youngling

Accidentally took a break from the forums for a day. On the bright side, I was enjoying my day and not thinking about PMO

 

Today I encountered the dark side while I was browsing.
0/160 (2022)
no p-subs, no sex

 

Day 50-Jedi Knight

 

452 days no PMO, semen retention

 

0 days: youngling

 

day 18 padawan

 

Day 18 here as Padawan. Not too much to update. I had some urges stirred up yesterday at work from seeing female customers in revealing or sexualized clothing. There are just some things that I cannot control. And ultimately this is about controlling my choices, not about running away from all sexual images. I made sure to think about the loud sirens in my mind and the image of a big burning X crossing out those thoughts. It worked for the most part, and work itself became distracting so I wasn't able to focus on those thoughts anyway. Other than that I have started doing yoga in the morning and I really like the way I feel during and afterwards, especially if I take a cold shower after doing it. Yoga really helps to get rid of that early morning sickness feeling and wakes me up. I always wanted to be experienced at yoga and to build my body up through doing it, so it's one of my goals in my anti-porn plan now.

 

Day 57 - Jedi Knight

 

daily checking in - Jedi Master