becoming more assertive?

Lift heavy weights, regularly, and take cold showers, regularly. These are things our natural body doesn't want to do. When you do these things regularly then stating your needs and opinions confidently and without fear becomes relatively easy or at least, not nearly as intimidating. I've been doing weights for about 3 years and cold showers since last winter and I'm to the point I pretty much speak my mind to anyone about anything if they ask or even if they don't ask but I feel something needs to be said. For example my wife and I were out at a really expensive restaurant for our anniversary and they sat us at a crappy table. In the past I would have just said oh well but right away I said, "this isn't going to work, what else do you have?" And in a couple minutes we had a much better spot. Wifey noticed... and appreciated

 

Socially what you can do is when someone tries to talk over you, you don’t stop but keep talking.

Sounds simple I know but it’s a lot easier said than done

 

All the tips people gave you above are good because they are some TO DO's.

But when zooming out it's just about getting uncomfortable and not giving a f*ck.

 

maybe these two books will help you a little bit about that:
1. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
2. The Assertiveness workbook by Dr Randy Paterson

I haven't finished reading this second book, but it has exercises that might help you be more assertive.

 

Identify what it is that you want and get after it. When you’ve got a sense of purpose assertiveness tends to develops on its own. The more you can set and realize goals the more you will gain mastery of your desires. Increase your bench max, your consecutive push-ups count, the amount of time you can spend jumping rope. Find something you like to do with other people and keep showing up. Take the lead in your life and follow it.

 

Not giving a fuck about the it being uncomfortable but giving a fuck about the other person or people

 

I found a perspective shift helped for me.

- being less invested in others (but more invested in those I care for)
- comparing myself to myself yesterday (and not to others)
- choosing what values are more important for me to live by

There's a lot to cover in this topic, so if you're interested in a read I recommend 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson.

PS. There's a fine line between pushover and bully, it just takes practice to back yourself without stepping over others.

 

i dont think there is a fine line i think we just lack the emotional iq and social skills

Being assertive selfishly is the last resort, and only go there when they have denied you your right

1. you ask for it, or do and state
If that fails
2. you explain why its hurting you
If that fails
3. You use the last resort and say this is going to work for me i wont have it

1 and 2 genarally work but if you get to 3 your being mean but.. your not a bully you've 1 asked them nicely and 2 explained how its hurting you, if they still havent gave way they are actually bulling you so 3 your just defending yourself

But the way you do 1 and 2 and is with care aprieciation empathy love and respect for the other person and with that you can talk about any issue and this will end positively or altleast they know you mean well and its not an attack on them and for that they will respect you

Its hard to be assertive if its always a confortation and your always stepping on others and that will lead to people disliking you and not giving you what you want or respecting you so the key is making them not feel bad and make it so they are not feeling attacked or making them feel better if you have to let them down etc if you do that then the hard issues to talk about wont be hard

Being full on assertive doesnt work people are not your slaves and dont have to follow or respect you instead be respectful and empathetic and you just might get the same back

 

I find assertiveness comes from knowing what you are talking about, like at my job if someone comes up to me and starts yelling at me for something I can do one or two things, if I am not 100% sure I know what I am talking about I become insecure and second guessing, but if I know I am right then I can be as assertive as needed, know when to be assertive and when not to be, and if you choose to be then make sure you can back it up.