Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

I mean that even if he notices, this person doesn't keep his attention for more than 3 seconds because they are insignificant to him, therefore they don't require his focus/attention. Basically, they pass by, he may notice but *just like that* he has already forgotten them. In the past, he would ogle everyone and I mean everyone... but he had a preferred type that he would go above and beyond to sneak an extra peak on, those are the ones I call "primes" in my posts. Now, he says that this is exactly what he does, he might notice, but he no longer cares for them, does not want to look further or whatever, that those urges are long gone. My issue is that in my gut, I still am not sure: is he trying to avoid looking because he actually doesn't care about them anymore because he only cares about me (no matter who is around), OR is he controlling himself because he doesn't want me to catch him looking. I want to believe him that he has gotten to the point where I am all he desires and no one else can get his attention like me, but my gut is not settled yet for some reason. This is why I get triggered and my fears roll right in: "Is this the woman who is going to cause the other shoe to drop?". It's complicated to explain, to be honest sometimes I can not make sense o my own thoughts, feelings, or processes. I know there are more attractive people out there, but after all the ogling and feeling like a ghost (for over a decade)... I just want to know that these days, for HIM I am the only person in the room, no matter who is nearby - if that makes sense.

 

DAY 1264: 07/17/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Shopping.
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Last night, after a whirlwind of triggers all day and then a major one at the pool I was feeling like a big pile of... :-/ I will say though, even with the trigger there, when Wade and I started playing an impromptu game of ball in the water, and it was as if there was no one else there. The kids were all playing on their own, while he and I played 'volleyball' and we both had a blast, laughing, joking around and it was just so fun and distracting. Then, when I got out of the water to get dry, she was continuously waltzing around me and this threw me right back into 'triggered mode' - the longer she was in front of me, the worst I felt. Anyway, we got home and talked about it a bit. Later he gave me a trifecta which usually turns my brain into mush and it did, then we watched some TV before heading to bed.

Today, we took our little one to the store and she brings so much light with her lol. Luckily there weren't any major triggers there. Then we went to the pool early and no one was there (YIPPPIEEE!!) Wade and the little one had a blast, I think everyone could hear them. I'm glad we went because it's about to rain for the next few days. Now, we are all hungry and waiting on some noms.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today, got a breather.

 

Yep, that's exactly it. I'm just waiting for my gut to settle and get to a point where I could take him at his word - that right now, none of them really matter. I am not there yet, so my triggers/fears sometimes come over me as if I got possessed. I hope one day, it gets better.

 

I agree, knowing I am not alone in feeling this way does make it feel a little saner. I constantly feel like I am on a never-ending roller coaster, which not only makes you feel crazy but is the root cause of you feeling it in the first place. Betrayal trauma and its "side-effects" are the worst.

YES! I can't stand the feeling of being overtaken by "another person" aka the trigger: blinding rage, anger, fear, etc. I would love to get to a place in my healing where I don't zone out during triggers and can stay in my rational mind and see that right now, he is putting me first and loving me the way I deserve to be loved.

 

DAY 1265: 07/18/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) My pillow.
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Last night, after a lovely trifecta, we watched some TV before heading to bed. As much as we wanted to make it a movie/date night, both of us were too exhausted after the heat and pool.

Today, we went to the store and took the little one, she is so adorable with her shopping lists lol she has a blast. Later Wade has overtime and will be working practically all day, which means I'll probably end up with a massive headache by the time he gets home, he knows what I am talking about. Hopefully, I will get some time to myself at some point.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers at the store.

 

DAY 1266: 07/19/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Sleeping In.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, another emotional roller coaster for me. Wade had overtime and throughout the day he was sending me messages and even told me about how he passionately was telling an ogling coworker that: if you are happy at home, you wouldn't be doing this. When he explained what he was telling him and how it got to the point where he had to stop because the coworker was getting irritated, I actually felt butterflies with glee. Later on, I was scrolling through Facebook and a suggested friend popped up, a trigger and it said Wade was a mutual friend, that's when my whole world was jolted. I asked him about it and he said, 'oh it's a coworker was requested me, I accepted and forgot about it'. It was too late, I was triggered and all I was thinking was... how long has it been since he accepted this request? has he been scrolling through her galleries, if so - how often? did she compensate on days when I was looking extra bad? and worst of all >> why didn't he ever mention this to me, like even a casual "listen, babe, a coworker/boss requested me, I had to accept, she might trigger you but does nothing for me and I unfollowed her feed, I just wanted you to know, just in case". But because it was never mentioned to me, this put me on alert = aka his secrecy triggered me the most. He claims he added her and it went out of his head, but again, I don't know that - which is why being upfront about it would have taken away any possible doubts or questions. Anyhow, it made me feel like ugly crap for most of the day, after such a good feeling earlier. We touched on it a little here and there, but we didn't really discuss it further. He got home, we watched a little TV and went to bed.

Today, we are going to be taking the little one out (our eldest doesn't want to go)... because the weather is bad, we want to give her as much fun as possible while Wade is on his staycation. I hope there won't be any more triggers, but knowing my luck... :-/ I hope today will be a better day than yesterday.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Going to go out and try to have a good time, as bad as I feel.

 

To us, not being happy at home could mean with his partner or with anything else (including himself), because "home" is where you should feel the best, if you don't you will go numb out to fill that void.

He had a more in-depth conversation with the guy, him saying "you aren't happy at home" was in reference to their direct conversation (that I wasn't going to type out here verbatim), where the coworker admitted that he holds a lot of resentment towards his wife and believes she does too, but they never communicate their issues with each other, which stops them from connecting = unhappy at home = gives way to the ogling and other transgressions too.

 

DAY 1267: 07/20/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Family Time.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade did my hair, I am so grateful for his willingness to do it and actually enjoying it? when I was doing it myself - I hated every minute. My hair is up to my butt so coloring it, washing it out, and then styling it was like working out in the gym for 6 hours straight, with the next day 'feeling it' aka soreness. Anyway, I love how it came out and thank him for making it happen. Usually, I feel extra pretty after being pampered like this, now I just feel better, I guess I'm just not feeling very attractive these last few days.

Today, we are taking the kids to the Legoland resort, it will probably be a full-day affair. I'm excited for our kids, but personally, I am nervous and having anxiety at the thought of being around so many people, aka moms/women any of which could be a trigger. It's humid today, which of course means most of these potential triggers will probably be in revealing clothing, so the risk will be that much higher. I HOPE I get lucky and somehow avoid big triggers, but that's not usually the case. I will be sure to 'fake it, till I make it' if I do get triggered, I don't want to ruin this experience for Wade or our kids. I hate having to go into any event like this, but I can't help it... I just hope there won't be any major primes there that might cause Wade to get triggered himself. It's sad but I look in the mirror and think "well if he does slip and ogle - I can see why, just look at me, I'm nothing like them and they are the type he actually desires" and it kills me that this is the mood I'm starting with before we've even gotten through the park gates. Wish me peace and luck, sigh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
How my shorts fit and feel.

 

DAY 1268: 07/21/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Yesterday, we spent the entire day at the new Legoland Themepark. Overall, we all had a good time, even with a few flyby triggers here and there. Luckily, there weren't any major ones (the kind that stops me in my tracks). There were a few mild/medium ones but we kept moving so they weren't in my line of sight for too long. The park itself was pretty, colorful, and full of things to explore, most of the attractions were for little kids though. After about 7 hours, we went home and once we were back we needed to just decompress, it was an exhausting day with a lot of walking lol. We watched a movie at night, then both passed out pretty quickly.

Today, we went for our morning walk, we didn't listen to anything but spent the entire time talking about our current concerns for our eldest and her behavior. Both of us got a lot of our frustrations out to each other, which provides us with some relief, no longer having to hold it all in. We are hoping the weather gets better so we could try and head to the pool for a bit, if not we plan on having a lazy day at home. Yesterday really knocked us out lol #feelingold

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers so far today.

 

DAY 1269: 07/22/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Family Time.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade gave me a nice trifecta. He told me that he didn't feel too accomplished for the day, we did decide to keep it a lazy day because the day before we went to the theme park and spent all day there (it was exhausting). I get what he means though, doing nothing does make you feel like the day is was wasted. But, I'm also in the camp of... sometimes you/your body needs that break. Then we watched some TV before calling it a night.

Today, we took the kids to a science museum, we planned on the aquarium but apparently, you needed to prepurchase the tickets and we missed out. After spending $178.00 for four, I don't feel the experience was really worth it, especially since so many of the exhibits were closed 'due to covid'. The little one still had a blast, she brought everyone's mood up. Overall, it was a nice day out with the family, but I think we'll skip this place next time. There weren't too many triggers there thankfully, so I was able to breathe a bit easier too. Everyone is tired and I think it will be a lazy evening for us all.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I love how my hair looks today.

 

DAY 1270: 07/23/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Exercising Again.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after another exhausting day, Wade gave me a soothing trifecta. We watched Manifest and analyzed it, we've been doing that a lot and it is fun. Afterward, we went to bed, which is always nice.

Today, I was finally able to exercise again and I tried a new video, much more intense, I enjoyed it but I hope I won't be out of commission tomorrow lol. Wade has to take my dad to his appointment. I thought we might get lucky and the weather would pan out, however, it is too cold to head to the pool. I guess when he gets home we will have to figure out if we are going to do anything or just clean our place/at home day.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Pushed myself to workout harder.

 

DAY 1271: 07/24/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade's passion.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade gave me a wonderful trifecta, my whole body was so sore after my exercise break and then going hard on the first day back at it. We are so addicted to the show "Manifest", it really keeps us guessing and I hope that all of this new interest makes Netflix consider picking it up after it was canceled by its original network.

Today, Wade has a doctor's appointment, so we couldn't go for our walk, I did do my morning workout though, so I don't feel too bad. We decided not to waste the whole day and to take our little one to Dave and Buster's, our eldest is not interested in going with us and we do not plan on forcing her to spend time with us/her little sister. I hope that there will not be too many triggers there today, as it is a weekend. We've also been so bummed that in his whole week home, we couldn't get to the pool due to the weather, ugh. Maybe by evening, it might be warm enough, but again it's Saturday and that means the chances of triggers being there are so much higher and I'm already feeling super fat and old... my birthday is in two days - making me feel worse. Wade keeps telling me to look at it in a positive way, and then explains all the reasons why - but we just see these things differently for obvious reasons. I also wanted to mention that I am so proud of him for having so much passion about everything these days, in the past he didn't care much about anything or anyone. Even trying to convince me to see his viewpoint about us/me he is uber passionate about. He is also super serious/passionate about continuing his education and getting into Social Work, it's awesome and makes me happy to see.

Fingers crossed for a minimal trigger day. ***

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Not blaming anyone else for my choice to have Pizza = side-effects lol.

 

DAY 1272: 07/25/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, during the trifecta, Wade was unleashing his pent-up frustration with our eldest - the older she gets the more difficult she becomes, sigh. Afterward, we watched some TV... but then a bit later we finally had the opportunity to be intimate, and boy did it feel great. These days, with the kids around more and other things that get in the way, we haven't had many chances to have fun*. Let's just say we both went to sleep in a good mood.

Today, I switched out my workout a little, with more emphasis on cardio. We skipped our walk, Wade went fishing with my dad even though the weather looks nasty. I was looking forward to a free kids' event at our local mall, but unfortunately, it looks like that won't happen, as it is drizzling on and off. I hope we do something today, maybe play some board games and perhaps finally go through my closet again and get rid of more stuff (usually a challenge for me lol). Another summer day, no pool time, sigh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Felt good after my workout this morning.

 

DAY 1273: 07/26/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, there was a massive thunderstorm and I couldn't sleep, at all. I was feeling a bit 'unimportant' in a sense because I am always the one making sure everyone else feels important... it's a lot to explain. Ironically, it felt like there was a storm in my head too.

Today is my birthday... it is what it is. We went for a quick morning walk, talked about random stuff (trying to distract myself) and everything was going okay until we were about to leave, there was an issue with a 'trigger' and my feeling that I was being lied to, and I'm sticking to my guns on this one. There is a lot more going on in my head but honestly, I'm just not in the mood to put it all out there. This evening, we may go out on a date, hopefully, there will not be additional triggers there.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Trying my best to be present and not in my own head.