Emotional Cycles of spouse

Ask if she would be willing to see a csat, get the book Worthy of her Trust, and take the polygraph. If you have nothing to hide, it will help rebuild trust. It is the only thing I trust since I know my husband has willingly lied to me. It helps me.

 

Her emotions make perfect sense when you consider that from her side of the story, the person she loves has been hiding something from her for god knows how long. And if you lied about that, what else did you lie about?

My wife went through the same thing. it can take weeks or months or longer to regulate and work through the emotions and questions.

The best thing you can do is AVOID being defensive, be patient, show her you are serious about change (assuming you are), understand that it's a big thing for her too as she's the one who's hurt and deserves sympathy, not you for coming clean.

 

Never share your weakness with your woman, keep it to yourself, friends, family or a profesional. YOu are the rock for your woman, the masculine figure in her life. If you show weakness to her this is going to make her don't trust your masculine core and start to creat drama.. and test your masculinity. Of course showing weakness is going to lower her attraction to you.
Next time you sttruggle with something, work on it to fix it by yourselve.

Good for you, keep working on improving yourselve.

Of course, she is reaction emotional to this new discovery of his man, he is now in a battle with herselve and her emotions about if she can trust your masculine core or not.

This is how woman try to make us man understand how we hurt them. They bring up old memories when we hurt them in hopes we understand it.

This is nonesense..

This is a good way to go. Let her open up and share with you in a calm, lovely way her feelings. Let her told you were you hert her and try to understand were she came from. Take responsibility of the actions you know you are guilty of and make sure to not do them again. The most important thing a man have is his word. Do what you say you are going to do and your woman is going to trust you.

This is not good. The idea is to let her communicate with you, in a calm, lovable way. If she can't handle her emotions is your job as a man to set healthy broundries and only talk to her when she is calm and ready to share her feelings. If she can do that, then tell her that you are not going to talk to her until she is willing to calm and sweet to communicate to you.

Doing this is only going to get you in trouble. Let her open up to you but if she accuse you of things that are not true you must disagree with her. That's part of been a man, and thats what you need to do in order to be respected by her. Weak man that do and agree with their woman no mattter what, don't get to be respected by them. And if a woman don't respect you, she is not going to love you, and a lot more drama is going your way.

You just watched porn. Take responsability from that, work to get over it but don't let her scalate this issue any further. Woman tend to make a big argument out of nothing. Is your job as a man to keep it in the rigth proportion.

Again, this is nonesense. This is her taking this issue way out of proportion. Is your job to don't let her do that.

Be a man. assume your mistake and work to get it solved. Let her see with your actions that you are working to get over this. That you can handle it. Also been a man means to keap her in line, don't let her be all over you for this. let her communicate but don't let her scalate this to a mayor trust issue.

Again.. next time.. fix your shit by your own or with a professional. Avoid telling your weakness to your woman if you don't want all this unecessary drama from her part. Live a drama free life and you will be a lot happier.

 

@p1n1983 why is a polygraph nonsense in your opinion? He has lied to her continuously. You are also telling him to continue to lie and never share his weaknesses. It’s not nonsense for someone to want the truth. It’s not unreasonable for a woman to want to know her partner isn’t lying. What is unreasonable is thinking you can have a secret sex life, dump it on your partner, and they will be happy you’ve now decided to fix yourself. By the way, men in same sex relationships face the same thing when their partners discover their secret sex life. No one likes being lied to. If you don’t care about your relationship, since there are so many other women out there to replace the current one, then go ahead and hide things about yourself, don’t be an honest, open book. Admitting your weaknesses and working on them is what a truly strong man does. Weak men hide.

 

I usually enjoy your comments, however I have problem swallowing what you wrote above.
Lets look at relationships from a human perspective, we are human, men or women. We have bad days, good days, problems, conflicts... The benefit of having a wife could be having an understanding partner that one can share the problems and get possible solutions, after all two brain is better than one!

Or assume that one starts a business and his wife works with him. She'll be aware of the possible financial problems or any other flaws, so then his wife will be using this against him and count as his weakness? I mean I don't understand, isn't marriage a kind of cooperation? What's the point of marriage if I can't trust my wife to help me overcome my problems?

As I said earlier we are all human. Not all women act the same, some could be supportive in difficult times, I mean as human we all have a feminine and masculine side and in different situation we show one of it more. For example some guys here say they rebooted with the help of a very supportive girlfriend, they say if wasn't her maybe they wouldn't be able to quit.

 

it is a fact hard to follow.. but reality is what it is.

Totally, but man and woman are not different. If a woman come to his man with her sttruggles, as man we are happy to help them. We love to do that, we are driven to solve problem, to overcome difficultties. Woman look for her man strentgh and wisdom because he trust in you. She knows she can trust on you the same way she can trust her dad everytime she had a problem in her childhood.
A woman asking for man help in small things is not going to make are attraction to her to go lower. But when a man ask for his woman help because he is sttruggling, woman are naturally design to want a strong man that can take care of him and her.. and eventually his family. If you show her that you can't handle a situation she is going to not trust your masculine core and when that happens, her attraction to you as a man is going to be lower.

You can do that.. and she is going to help you of course.. but every time you do that is going to lower her attraction to you as a man. more weakness you show to her.. less attraction. Woman are designed that way, is hard to swallow but it is what it is.

Is not something a woman is going to use, attraction is not a choice. Been attracted to a person is not something you can choose, it just happens. And when a man start to show weakness to a woman, that attraction is naturally going to start to fade is you keep showing it. Woman want masculine man that can handle his shit and take care of her and the family. If you can't do that she is going to naturally don trust your masculine core and be naturally less attracted to you.

You point of the marriage is wrong. The idea of a any relationship is go to it to give.. give your happiness and great life to the other person, and the other person can do it to you. Of course that you can have problems in a relationship, a woman is going to look help in his man and is totally fine, but if a man go and look help in his woman to solve his problemss, then thats a display of weakness in her eyes, that is going to make her unsure that you can handle her and the family.. and that is going to make her don't be that attracted to you as a man.
If you have issues in your life work to get them figured out, don't go and tell your wife about it. Be her rock... her mountain.. a guy that can handle everything, when a woman trust in your masculine core she is going to be femenine and a femenine woman is the best state for her and for a masculine guy.

 

He just used porn.. then procced and tell her what he was doing and that he was working to solve it. don't know what continuosly lies you are talking about.

Nobody talk about lying. Just keep your struggles to yourself and fix them. It always go sideways when you share your weakness to your woman. Just read all this post that guy do after thelling the wife, and how they turn out.. all full of drama and problems.

If you don't trust your partner move on. Don't be a pshyco and demand the other person to go thru a lie detector.

Is reasonable to tell something to your partner and let them do what they want. If they want to be happy with you is ok, and if they don't is also ok. But is unreasonable to make demand after a partner tell you something. Don't like that your partner have a secreat life? move on! are you ok with that? keep the relationship going and accept that he have a secret life.

Of course not. Trust is important in a relationship. If I found out a girlfriend lied to me, i just move on with my life, i cannot trust in her again, so I just can't have a relationship with her.

Who said that?

If the current one cheat, lie, make disrespectfull actions, make unreasable demands, don't respect my boundries... of course I'm going to leave her and look for a better partner. Only weak guy that are afraid to be alone put up with all that crap woman can trow at them.

So... you go to an interview for a job and you tell the other person all your flaws and hope to get the job?
I don't.. I always recomend people to get their together. Get ride of all things that are bad about themselves and once they get to that point they can go and share their happines to another person, not their problems. And afterwards if you are sttrugling with something, solve it by your own, don't spread your won issues to the relationship. Get them fix by yourselve and move on.

Of course, is the best you can do. But keep them to yourselve. Telling the world about it is not going to help you, and if you tell that to your partner is going to make her attraction lower. You want to share it with yours... go ahead.. and you will be one more user posting here that your wife demand a pholigrafh because she don't trust you anymore.

Weak men let woman demand unreasonable things. Weak man look for ther people to fix their issues. Weak man can't be alone. Weak man also hide, and do nothing to improve their life.

 

This is where you are disconnected. He didn’t just use porn. He lied about it, by hiding it. Lying by omission, at the very least but almost always accompanied by actually flat out lying. All addicts lie. It’s a secret sex life that his wife had no knowledge of for however long their relationship has been. She has a right to know if there is more than he’s confessing and to help her make a decision if she wants to stay in the relationship or leave. I get that you put very little value on relationships. That’s fine. Your girl gains to much weight you leave, she gets depressed you leave, you have made it plain that if you are unhappy you leave. You will never be in a long term relationship that doesn’t at some point suffer unhappiness. That works for you. Some people have children involved, some people value the relationship enough to want to try and work things out. For many it isn’t as simple as just leave and start over again. Both must be willing to work with each other. He has broken her trust, it is not unreasonable for her to want the truth. If he doesn’t want to take a polygraph because he thinks she’s unreasonable then he can say no. He risks further damage to the relationship though, because it is what SHE needs at this moment to regain some trust. I’ve taken 3 polygraphs, they are simple and easy if you aren’t trying to lie and answer honestly.

 

You must understand that she is probably super confused two and she does not know how to handle this. Take the lead and make sure you too just move forward to the best, as hard as it might be, just be there for her, that's what she wants.

She needs support, love and you as as her man. Just do it. Good luck.

 

Of course. I advice to be happy in life, if something in your life is making you feel unhappy is time to remove it from your life. Life is too short to waste it been unhappy or having people on it that make you feel unhappy.

So, go an advice people to be unhappy and stay with partners that are making them feel miserable in hopes that it can get better in the future (it normaly get worse), and I will keep advicing people that accept the fact that if a partner/job/friendship etc is making you feel miserable/unhappy/unpleasent/unsatified you should move on and find a better option.

 

With this logic I should remove ever single person/thing that has ever been in my life. Lol. My parents have made me unhappy at times, my children have made me unhappy at times, my friends have made me unhappy at times.my dream job made me unhappy at times! Any long term, intimate relationships will have unhappy periods, that doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t get better. Just because you’re unhappy doesn’t mean it can’t change while you still continue in a relationship, or at a job. Not only can it change from unhappy, but it can change to one of the best things to ever happen to you.

 

With this logic I should remove ever single person/thing that has ever been in my life. Lol. My parents have made me unhappy at times, my children have made me unhappy at times, my friends have made me unhappy at times.my dream job made me unhappy at times! Any long term, intimate relationships will have unhappy periods, that doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t get better. Just because you’re unhappy doesn’t mean it can’t change while you still continue in a relationship, or at a job. Not only can it change from unhappy, but it can change to one of the best things to ever happen to you.

 

So do it, life can be a lot more happier if you remove things that make you unhappy.

Mine never did. But i'm not in touch with members of my family that don't bring me joy and are a good way to spend my time. People ofter spend time with family they don't like just because they are family. That's the worst way to spend your time in life. Time is valuable, share it only with people that bring you joy. If a person don't do that then don't waste time with them.
If interacting with your parents is making you unhappy make them know that, if they persist making you unhappy you need to move on without them.

Having children was your call or mistake (depending on your case). You can't leave them behind until they are 21. You are stuck with them if the make you feel unhappy.

I left behind friends that let me down. I have a very good group of friends that are really good ones, the ones that have my back and I have theirs. There's nothing more than great moments with them since we were in school. If your friend are making you unhappy then they are not the rigth friends for you.

Then is not the rigth one. You can always go and find a job that do. And when it start to make you unhappy you can always chance.

Every intimate relationship I had ended when unhappy times arrive. That let me meet new people that brougth joy and happines to my life. The ones that brougth unhappyness were left behind. I always prefer to leave the space open for a person that can make me happy. Been stuck with a person that is making you unhappy can lead you to a lot of years been unhappy.
Read post from woman here dating guys with porn addiction. 5..10 years been unhappy in hopes that this guy quit his addiction. Just move on.. you can find a peson that can also make you be happy.

Of course it can get better, but how many time are you going to wait/spend with people that is making you unhappy?

Yes.. but is more problable that the best thing of your life come from a new person/job/ etc than from a previous one that is already making you unhappy.

 

lol! I absolutely love and adore my parents, would never leave them because occasionally they made me unhappy, my children are by far the greatest blessings in my life, but yes have made me unhappy. You will never have a long term relationship if you think it will always make you happy. You will miss out on far greater, deeper, relationships if all you ever do is walk out when you’re unhappy. No person on earth will live up to your standards. At some point, if you are in the relationship long enough, you will experience unhappiness. Obviously, people are expendable and replaceable to you. I agree that some people you do have to cut out of your life, but not everyone who you experienced unhappiness with is toxic. They are just human.

 

You think that way. My friends, girlfriend, family and ex's don't think that way.

I have a lot of real emotions. The difference is that I put the work to make most of them positive. And when a I face a bad one I can handle it properly. I'm not afraid of letting a person/job/etc if they are making me unhappy. Is really hard to let go, that's why a lot people keep having unhappy relaitonships and friendships. They are afraid to be alone and are not going to be able to find another person, so they get attached to people that make them unhappy in hopes it get better in the future. I don't.. If something is not working then is time to move on to something better.

That's what you are wrong. If you are in recovery forget about dating. Focus on healing yourself and when you do, then go and share you happines with a partner, not your problems.
I was in that place but did my work to recover from every issue I had and then I started dating again. Once you are in a very good place like me, you don't put up with people that don't put the work to fix their issue, if they bring you down and start to make you unhappy and burthen with their problem is time to let them go and found people that is in a good place too.

You like to be with people that make you unhappy.. that's ok, is your life. I choose to sourround myself with happy people that make mine even happier.

 

In fact i have a long relationship with memebers of my family. never made me unhappy. I have friends since school (20+ years) lots of happiness, never a single moment of unhappines. Had great relationships with woman for years, enjoyed every single one of them until I started to not do that and ending it was the best decision I can made. Every single girlfriend I found was better than the previous one. If i would just keep dating the same girl all of my life I would be having an average relationship or an unhappy one.. if you like average is ok by you. I love amazing relationships, I'm currently in one. Not setttleling for an average relationship made me meet even better people every day. People that suit me better and are as happy as I am, happy people that have you back and don't give you crap or unhappines.
If the people that are around you make you unhappy then is because you choose wrong.. your problem, not mine.

You can, you cannot. But if a relationship makes you unhappy is time to move on. YOu are affraid.. i understand that, but everytime O move on from people like that better things came after it. You choose to be with people that make you unhappy. I don't, every single person in my life make me happy, that's because I choose them properly and don't settle for crappy people.

 

No, you are the one who is afraid. Relationships that are deeply connected, will always experience some level of unhappiness in moments. No human being can make another happy all the time. You said it yourself. The moment you experienced unhappiness, you leave. It is far scarier to connect and be vulnerable than it is to leave and start a new relationship. Please never have children. Of any relationship, children can be very tough as, especially as infants. I was not happy when I was only getting 2 hours of sleep and nursing, but I was blessed. I was not happy when I got called to the school for a scuffle. I was not happy when I got home and the kids forgot to clean their dishes. However, I was thrilled beyond measure when my son said “ I love you”, blessed beyond comprehension when my daughter crawled into bed and fell asleep in my arms, overjoyed when my daughter got honors and my son finished high school with his engineering pin. I feel sorry for you. No one should stay in an abusive, toxic relationship, but leaving every time you’re unhappy with someone will result in superficial, temporary relationships and you will end up alone. People need deep, lasting connections.

 

Show your wife these:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/what-if-my-partner-is-a-porn-addict/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybo...and-porn/boyfriend-quitting-porn-5-tips-2013/

and check these out yourself and/or together:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/what-do-i-say-to-my-mate/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/rebooting-with-a-partner-what-about-sex/



https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/what-do-i-say-to-my-mate/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/por...porn-induced-ed-what-do-i-tell-my-girlfriend/

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2ve2tz/radical_honesty_with_boyfriendgirlfriendfwbetc/


If she has the time, energy, and understanding to do so, encourage her to browse YBOP and learn as much as she can about how porn has affected you and your relationship. Knowledge brings empathy and power to beat this addiction

Also give yourself some compassion. You have been fucked up! You have an addiction. This stuff has rotted your brain, and of course you didn't mean to. However, now you owe it to yourself and your wife to fix this issue. You have to continually work to make yourself better from now on. You may complain that she's been too hard or mean, but that could also be your porn brain talking. You may be hurt by what she's asking you to do, but you have hurt her as well . It may take some time for her to heal, but from then on, pledge to never hurt each other again. You two are a team, and need to work as one to beat this affliction together.

Make sure whatever decisions you two make are made with respect for each other, compassion for yourselves, and knowledge about porn addiction. It's probably smart to not make any more promises you might not be able to keep, such as never PMOing again. Recovery is non-linear for everyone, and often involves some setbacks. You should always be trending in the positive direction (either no relapses or less frequent or extreme ones), and she should be encouraging you along the way. Discuss goals and expectations from each other, especially in the future: planning ahead for difficult times is very helpful for rebooting and past. The more you work on yourself and enjoy your wife, the harder it will be for porn to reenter your life.