Detached

I feel the same way. Ive read somewhere that the way we perceive ourselves is nowhere close to what others see. People have their own things to worry about i guess..

 

I relate fully to the first parapgraph in your post, not so much to the second. In fact, in my case its the other way aroud, I rarely show any sort of enthusiasm or strong emotion.

I started to see therapist some weeks ago for the first time (I'm 37) and started to unravel how I I came to be, like you said, so detached. In my case, I figured I developed in my teen years a very insecure personality and a great fear of ridicule (even though I was never bullied or anything like that). I became extremely self-consious and was alwasy overthinking how people would persive me. For example, I would never ask to join any event, like a party, sport or just to hang out with friends, even when I was dying to participate and knew I would be accepted. I still had to wait to be invited, that way I knew for sure they wanted me there.

So my way of dealing with this insecurity was to aisolate myself and avoid any more intimate relationships, whether romantic or platonic. I am good at superficial interactions and conversation, and do just enough social activities not to be a complete pariah, but I never developed any deeper attachment to anyone. No that I am older, I started to feel the need of intimacy a lot more, but even when I try to connect with people when hangin out, going on dates, etc. I struggle to feel anything at all.

I feel like I've been detached and by myself for too long, and now trying to connect with people is like trying to move a muscle you don't have, I just can't...

I infer you are a younger guy, as you mentioned going to class. My advice to you is not to isolate, mentally I mean, don't detach yourself for too long. Try to work in being more open with yourself and with others. Go to a therapist if you feel stuck, even if its just to talk about this.

 

Points for honesty. Are you just looking to feel heard or do you want advice?

 

People shape their actions with questions. Questions like "why don't people like me?" don't tend to create the sorts of shapes we want. A better question is "What do I need in order to be happy?" or "What is it that I actually want?" You don't have to answer these questions, exactly. It's more that you need to let them motivate your actions. Other useful questions: "What do I actually think is fun?" and "What do I want from other people?"

Have you ever tried to think in these terms? What are the questions that are shaping your life lately?