Gooning addict, day 1

vushidofrown · Aug 4, 2021

Sorry if any of this is triggering, just needed to get my thoughts out.

I've been watching porn since around 8 years of age thanks to a cousin who introduced me to the world of porn sites. I still remember the name of the first website he showed me after all these years. I'm a 24 year old male who has probably reached the last frontier of my porn addiction, with a strong gooning fetish. If you don't know what it is, good, keep it that way. I've had a good amount of dates/ sexual partners for my age, but only for a short time. I've been chasing relationships for so long but it's a hard struggle in this selfish western dating world. I've all but given up my attempts for porn because it's just too easy compared to the constant heartbreak/false hope I've endured with real women. I've been deep in research about porn addiction and how to quit, psychology books, youtube videos, nofap ect. Yet after all this time it feels like I can barely go a week without relapse. I don't know what it is, It's so easy for me to just indulge in my fetish at the slightest twinge of arousal, masturbating and orgasm don't feel nearly as good as when I used to relieve myself when I was natural aroused and without porn. Despite this I feel like I'm in an endless chase for that perfect "high". I've only recently started getting high on marijuana and watching porn on multiple screens. I never thought that I'd get this bad and grow to be so depraved. I KNOW how bad this is for my mental and physical health, so WHY don't I just stop? I'm at war with my sexuality. On one hand I love all things about women, I love to draw women, be touched and hugged, their voice and smell etc, I was raised as the only boy around a family of girls, I was taught to respect women, and yet I have this private world of addiction where I watch several hours of depraved and hardcore pornography involving multiple girls at a time, and gooning captions on multiple screens. I stooped low enough to search up a compilation of girls dancing on tiktok on youtube. I have cold turkey blocking porn on all my devices, yet I sometimes find ways around it by scrolling through porn accounts on instagram (it's crazy and sad the type of stuff allowed and yet instagram refuses to monitor efficiently), nsfw videos on youtube or even reddit sometimes. I threw out my last bit of marijuana, because while I'm not addicted to weed I've noticed that I ONLY smoked it just to watch porn at a higher intensity. Without the weed I'm hoping my rational side will stick in charge for a longer period of time so I can escape this hell of hypnosis. It's all smoke and mirrors I know that.

I don't know why exactly I'm writing all this. I don't expect many to read, It just felt necessary to get this all out there. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I relapsed yesterday but I'm very hopeful about the future. Each time I relapse now I see the holes in my methods and fortify them for the next round. I just need to believe that I deserve to be happy and I deserve freedom. I wish I was never shown porn at such a young age, I hope I can still recover to my former self and that I haven't caused any permanent damage. Only time will tell, I think I can really go the distance this time.

Abel100% · Aug 4, 2021

Escribir sobre tu situación también es muy liberador, Sigue adelante ...está iniciando un nuevo mes (agosto) algunas metas te pueden ayudar.... Si las escribes será lo mejor ....

TrentBenjamin · Aug 5, 2021

vushidofrown said: ↑

Sorry if any of this is triggering, just needed to get my thoughts out.

I've been watching porn since around 8 years of age thanks to a cousin who introduced me to the world of porn sites. I still remember the name of the first website he showed me after all these years. I'm a 24 year old male who has probably reached the last frontier of my porn addiction, with a strong gooning fetish. If you don't know what it is, good, keep it that way. I've had a good amount of dates/ sexual partners for my age, but only for a short time. I've been chasing relationships for so long but it's a hard struggle in this selfish western dating world. I've all but given up my attempts for porn because it's just too easy compared to the constant heartbreak/false hope I've endured with real women. I've been deep in research about porn addiction and how to quit, psychology books, youtube videos, nofap ect. Yet after all this time it feels like I can barely go a week without relapse. I don't know what it is, It's so easy for me to just indulge in my fetish at the slightest twinge of arousal, masturbating and orgasm don't feel nearly as good as when I used to relieve myself when I was natural aroused and without porn. Despite this I feel like I'm in an endless chase for that perfect "high". I've only recently started getting high on marijuana and watching porn on multiple screens. I never thought that I'd get this bad and grow to be so depraved. I KNOW how bad this is for my mental and physical health, so WHY don't I just stop? I'm at war with my sexuality. On one hand I love all things about women, I love to draw women, be touched and hugged, their voice and smell etc, I was raised as the only boy around a family of girls, I was taught to respect women, and yet I have this private world of addiction where I watch several hours of depraved and hardcore pornography involving multiple girls at a time, and gooning captions on multiple screens. I stooped low enough to search up a compilation of girls dancing on tiktok on youtube. I have cold turkey blocking porn on all my devices, yet I sometimes find ways around it by scrolling through porn accounts on instagram (it's crazy and sad the type of stuff allowed and yet instagram refuses to monitor efficiently), nsfw videos on youtube or even reddit sometimes. I threw out my last bit of marijuana, because while I'm not addicted to weed I've noticed that I ONLY smoked it just to watch porn at a higher intensity. Without the weed I'm hoping my rational side will stick in charge for a longer period of time so I can escape this hell of hypnosis. It's all smoke and mirrors I know that.

I don't know why exactly I'm writing all this. I don't expect many to read, It just felt necessary to get this all out there. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I relapsed yesterday but I'm very hopeful about the future. Each time I relapse now I see the holes in my methods and fortify them for the next round. I just need to believe that I deserve to be happy and I deserve freedom. I wish I was never shown porn at such a young age, I hope I can still recover to my former self and that I haven't caused any permanent damage. Only time will tell, I think I can really go the distance this time.
Click to expand...

You have a thought of relapsing, you initially tell yourself ''no''. Then over the next few minutes you're constantly bombarded with the thought of your favourite video, or ''I wonder what new videos I've missed whilst I have been retaining''. Then you start to rationalise to yourself ''well, I'm only on a 3 day streak it isn't too long, if I just relapse this one last time then that will be me done and I'll never watch porn again''. Rinse and repeat.

Don't feel ashamed by the depravity of the content you consume, it happens to all of us. The more you consume, the stronger the demand. So what used to get you off will no longer be enough, you'll need something more, better angles, better lighting, a better scenario, whatever it may be, the demand will keep on.

I have heard quite a lot about this ''gooning'' genre. I believe it's one of the most toxic genres one can fall victim too. It plants seeds in your mind that your porn addiction is healthy, and that you should continue. The bright lights, the flashing images, the sounds. It's a complete dopamine override, your brain is getting flooded with sensory input.

Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook all need to go if you are serious about this my friend, it is far too easy to stumble upon suggestive content on there, even when you aren't searching for it. All it takes is one look and that plants an image, that can then manifest days later and lead you onto the pattern of thought I mentioned at the start of this comment.

I suggest getting content blockers, installing them on your phone and computer. Try to implement some more positive habits, so instead of spending your free time scrolling through your phone. Get into running, or start at the gym. Pick up some books, or listen to some audiobooks. Start to learn an instrument, start to learn a new language. Get to work on that business idea you've always had, whatever it may be. There's thousands of things you can be doing and you will absolutely thank yourself for it later on.

Ultimately I'd suggest getting on nofap, get a good streak going and give your brain time to come down to normal levels. I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be hard, but what easy battle is worth it? you'll fail along the way, you'll relapse for sure, but you've got to accept the defeat, stand back up, dust yourself off and charge back into the battle. I promise you, give yourself 30 days on nofap, and the way you will feel, not only about yourself but life in general will surprise you. The smallest things in life bring you joy, you start to love yourself and the way you look and that all radiates out and as a result, people are more intrigued by you, girls seem to notice you more because of the confidence you display.

Put it this way, stay on the track you are on and spend your life getting off to pixels on a screen, or make a big step and start improving your life little by little and experience happiness, confidence and last but not least sexual interactions with real women.

You've got this soldier!

RavenGT · Aug 5, 2021

I looked up on other threads from nofap about what gooning is

This is what satan wants, he wants every man weak, addicted and brainwashed. Crush his grasp on your mind by abstaining from porn and fapping. Dont let him brainwash you

Time to FIGHT!

Asdor22 · Aug 5, 2021

Man it's great you had written in here! We all fully support you! Hell yea man, you can fight your addiction

modernstore99 · Aug 5, 2021

vushidofrown said: ↑

Sorry if any of this is triggering, just needed to get my thoughts out.

I've been watching porn since around 8 years of age thanks to a cousin who introduced me to the world of porn sites. I still remember the name of the first website he showed me after all these years. I'm a 24 year old male who has probably reached the last frontier of my porn addiction, with a strong gooning fetish. If you don't know what it is, good, keep it that way. I've had a good amount of dates/ sexual partners for my age, but only for a short time. I've been chasing relationships for so long but it's a hard struggle in this selfish western dating world. I've all but given up my attempts for porn because it's just too easy compared to the constant heartbreak/false hope I've endured with real women. I've been deep in research about porn addiction and how to quit, psychology books, youtube videos, nofap ect. Yet after all this time it feels like I can barely go a week without relapse. I don't know what it is, It's so easy for me to just indulge in my fetish at the slightest twinge of arousal, masturbating and orgasm don't feel nearly as good as when I used to relieve myself when I was natural aroused and without porn. Despite this I feel like I'm in an endless chase for that perfect "high". I've only recently started getting high on marijuana and watching porn on multiple screens. I never thought that I'd get this bad and grow to be so depraved. I KNOW how bad this is for my mental and physical health, so WHY don't I just stop? I'm at war with my sexuality. On one hand I love all things about women, I love to draw women, be touched and hugged, their voice and smell etc, I was raised as the only boy around a family of girls, I was taught to respect women, and yet I have this private world of addiction where I watch several hours of depraved and hardcore pornography involving multiple girls at a time, and gooning captions on multiple screens. I stooped low enough to search up a compilation of girls dancing on tiktok on youtube. I have cold turkey blocking porn on all my devices, yet I sometimes find ways around it by scrolling through porn accounts on instagram (it's crazy and sad the type of stuff allowed and yet instagram refuses to monitor efficiently), nsfw videos on youtube or even reddit sometimes. I threw out my last bit of marijuana, because while I'm not addicted to weed I've noticed that I ONLY smoked it just to watch porn at a higher intensity. Without the weed I'm hoping my rational side will stick in charge for a longer period of time so I can escape this hell of hypnosis. It's all smoke and mirrors I know that.

I don't know why exactly I'm writing all this. I don't expect many to read, It just felt necessary to get this all out there. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I relapsed yesterday but I'm very hopeful about the future. Each time I relapse now I see the holes in my methods and fortify them for the next round. I just need to believe that I deserve to be happy and I deserve freedom. I wish I was never shown porn at such a young age, I hope I can still recover to my former self and that I haven't caused any permanent damage. Only time will tell, I think I can really go the distance this time.
Click to expand...

Going into withdrawal during a reboot makes you feel like shit. It sucks. Really bad. You have to power through it. Everyone who heals does it. The extreme arousal and anxiety only happens in the first 3-4 weeks max, so it's not forever. After that you'll probably hit the Flatline, which is another topic.

It's great that you're writing this down. it helps you actualize and examine your feelings and behaviors. You know this crap is bad for you and you need to stop, but you haven't found the mental strength yet. Do everything you can to get over the first hump of the reboot, and then things get easier. Everyone else here has done it, you can too

Check out these for info on rebooting and relapsing

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/i-quit-using-porn-and-now-i-feel-worse

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-basics-start-here/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...oes-withdrawal-from-porn-addiction-look-like/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunctions/will-a-relapse-set-me-back/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/book/is-my-fetish-porn-induced/

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Gooning addict, day 1

vushidofrown New Fapstronaut

Abel100% Fapstronaut

TrentBenjamin Fapstronaut

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Asdor22 Fapstronaut

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