diary

day 9
Today I didn't sleep good at all. I woke up tired and a bit aroused. Nothing wrong with that, as long it is only natural. As long as I'm not link it with the sick filth. Today I'm going to take several cold showers I guess.

 

day 10
The last the 10days have been very good to me. Only 2 days that is felt like shit, instead of feeling shitty all the time. The key is sport, going outside and social contact for me. I try to mentally block all thoughts related to porn. When I see a beautiful woman i used to say she's hot. Now I'm changing this thought to: she is beautiful and elegant. It is a small hack or adjustment but it helps me thinking straight. Still, I'll have a long way to go. What is 10 measly days in the context of years of watching the sick filth (P).

 

Thank you man. 3 weeks is fantastic. Just get back on the horse and all will be fine.

 

Day 11
Next steps is changing my sleep pattern. Need to be disciplined with this too. I need to get early to bed. Lets change that..

 

day 12
I ain't no winner, I just decided I don't wanna be a loser anymore.

 

day 13
I still need to manage my sleep. I need to have the same discipline on other fronts. Step by step, Rome wasn't built in a day...Over all I am more focused.

 

much appreciated!

 

day 14
Today is not an easy day. The reason is I'm bored. I need to plan my days better and do so more sports.. yesterday I went a bit earlier to bed, still haven't got so much energy but that is ok. It's a process that will need some time.

 

day 15
Today was the hardest day so far. I almost relapsed, peaked at some small thumbnails of naked woman, but then decided it is stupid and it will bring back all the negativity and depression.
Lesson 1: I need to control my mind. No peaking. I am an addict and I need to ban this sick filth out of my life.
Lesson 2: when bored, go running, go to the gym, meet with some do anything but don't stay isolated. Isolation is food for addiction.
Lesson 3: when you have strong urges, or flashbacks, turn of all internet devices.
lesson 4: do something that makes you feel good.

I need to hang in there. Will shut down internet and have a cold shower. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

day 16
Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.
Dostoevsky

 

knowledge is power: this helped me a lot today. I will keep reading it every time I hit hard times
www.yourbrainonporn.com

 

day 17
The days haven't been very productive, but that is ok. When I look in the mirror my self confidence is getting better. The last days have been hard but i managed. I also noticed I'm having dreams about P. That never happened to me before! That is how far it is embedded in my system. But no more! I will not be a slave and I will master my thoughts and actions until I'll become a better man.

 

day 18
when you go through hell keep going
winston churchill

I had some very difficult days however today it is the first time i'm starting to notice differences. I'm a lot more social, less anxiety, friendlier. I'm having some random conversations with strangers which is nice. Today for example I chattet for quite some time with a girl who worked in a shop. There were a lot of honest smiles and some eye contact. I must remember this for the bad days...

 

day 25
Porn is poison, and i'm in detox mode. My self confidence is on a whole other level. I never want to go back to feel like a worthless piece of shit.

 

day 30
Porn is sick and sickens your life. I WILL stay away from this filth because the list of negativity that comes from this addiction is endless.