Should I be the first to send a message to the girl after the first date

I would say call her rather than text (it's more personal that way), and do so a significant period of time after your first date to show you're not needy. If she accepts then great, if she doesn't because she's got 'something else planned', wait for around a week - if she likes you and the reason was genuine she'll call you back, if you don't hear from her again she obviously wasn't into you as much as you thought and it's time to move on.

Some people say to go for the kiss on the first date, but personally I would save it for the second date because it shows you don't want to rush yourself or her too much, and if you flirted a lot with her on the date itself and just happened to miss out on the kiss at this time, if she truly likes you it'll only get her excited and make her want more, which will fill your second date with a lot more tension.

 

I wouldn't play games. If you had fun, talk to her and set another date. There's a huge gap between asking her to date, and annoying her everyday all day (that's being needy).
The thing is: don't rush things. Keep living your life, going out with friends, studying/working, etc...

 

I don't believe an answer to this question exists... It's such a confusing scenario, I believe only you can truly answer it, knowing the girl and yourself the best.

However, I do think that nothing is wrong with leading with a short Good-afternoon message. It won't smack of desperation, as a good-morning text can look like. And it's short, and to the point. Can't be misconstrued as anything else either.

Just my opinion, don't come at me, if something goes wrong.

 

Tell her you had a great time and would love to hang again. You have some things coming up but should be able to make plans in a couple days. You look forward to seeing her again. Short and sweet.

Not going for the kiss is totally fine. I was so platonic on the first date with my current gf she thought it was a "friend-date" and I just wanted to be normal friends lol.

In the meantime, think of something fun to do, and don't get in over your head. Take care of your work/school, she's secondary for the moment

 

Personally, don't have much experience to give advice. Although, I do know that when a girl is genuinely interested, she is going to want to see you again.
I would recommend you to watch Alpha Male Strategies videos on YouTube. No cheesy pick up lines, more of self-improvement advice to position yourself the best way possible to attain quality women.

 

Personally, no.

I let the girl reach out to me, and when she does, I take the opportunity then to set a new date to get together.

Women LOVE a man that is mysterious my friend, every other dude she has dated has probably blew up her phone after the date telling her how great she is. Women don't like this, they like the mystery, they like to wonder ''does he like me, does he not, did I do this right'' etc.

It sounds totally counter productive, but since I implemented this into my dating I have had so much more success. Before I'd get ghosted 80% of the time.

Use the phone for setting dates, keep the texting conversations to a minimum. Do all of your talking in person, that way, it can lead to more as the night leads on.

P.S - always go for the kiss on the first date, if a girl likes you, she will kiss you back. If she doesn't, then she isn't that attracted to you, move on from her and give your time to a girl who is.

 

A little advice that a lot of guys should read because the problem is deeper than that.

Forget about the results with the women you see on dates.
Go in with the intention of connecting with her humanely.
Women want to feel emotions. Just like you do. When you go in with the intention of connecting with her, not once will you ask yourself that question of when to contact her again, when to kiss her, when to tell her to come to your place. Things just happen naturally.

Every time I see a woman my goal is for both of us to feel strong things. That means showing our vulnerability. To not hide anything about how we feel. Getting naked emotionally.
Being too focused on "how to get a result" prevents us from expressing ourselves fully and letting women experience strong things. We speak from our ego instead of our heart when we adopt this mindset.
That's why most men are boring on dates. The truth is that they are just afraid to show themselves as who they really are for fear of being rejected.
a man who has the courage to express his vulnerability, his insecurities, his fears is much higher on the scale of value than all the other men who pretend to be perfect. it's a form of purity, of courage, of strength that women find irresistible. And it is the key to lasting happiness

I'm a pretty sensitive and courageous person. I approach women I like in my life and every time I do, I imagine myself in a movie. It helps me to experience things intensely and to make women experience the same thing.
This advice doesn't stop at a certain situation, but also includes messages. If you had a great time with her, tell her. Tell her how amazing it was for you and how much you want to see her again. Forget about perfection.
If you don't know what to send her, if you are afraid, tell her. Tell her:

"I don't know how to phrase this, it could be embarassing but for me it was an amazing. I really want to see you again.". If you think so, do it. If not, you can also tell her that it's over and that you still had a good time with her. You decide where you want to go, you're the one calling the shots.

Forget all that advice you can find on the internet that tells you to act like you don't care and be distant with her.
Life is too short to have regrets. Life is too short to follow our ego and our need to exist in the eyes of people. To prioritize our own desires over authentic connection.
There will always be moments of doubt, of fear, of not knowing what to do. This is what makes you deeply human and empathetic.

If you get rejected for who you are, even if it's imperfect (especially if you're imperfect), you'll find that you'll be happy with yourself anyway.
If it works with her, you'll have an incredible experience.

Life is too short to intellectualize everything. Dating is all about trusting our instinct, what we feel, showing that to the world and unplugging our brain. Most of the questions we ask about women don't have answers, they are just ruminations.
The key is not in finding the answer, but in removing the question.

 

You definitevely need to go for the kiss if you like her. Besides kissing the woman you like is something you are going to enjoy, the idea is to know rigth from the fist date if she has enough attraction to you to kiss you back. How many dates are you going to wait to know if she is into you romantically or just as friends?
On the other side, if you don't go for the kiss she can figure out pritty easily that you didn't go for it because you were affraid of rejection, woman love condident man, if you show you have some kind of fear, she is going to be a little turned of by that.
So, always go for the kiss. Always go after what you want, an only text and ask out for a 2nd date the woman that happpily kiss you back. Delete the number of the onces that reject you with a kiss on the check or a hugh.

The idea is to wait around 3.. 4 days and text her to ask her out for the 2nd date. Why?
Many reasons..

1- If you wait 3..5 days, you are letting her think about you and the date and go thru all the emotions, if she is interested in you enough maybe she can't wait for you to text her, and she is going to text you first. That information that tell you she is interested in you.

Let say 4 days went thru and you don't have news from her, so you text her to ask her out.

2- She is happy to hear from you and you ask her out and she is glad to do it so you set a date really easy. That is good news, she is probably interested and seems healthy.

3- She is totally neutral you talking to her, short responses, takes time to response, and when you try to set another date she is soooo busy to make time for you. That tell you she is not interested in you anymore, move on. The 1st date didn't went well for her.

4- She is mad you didn't texted her earlier. This comes from a woman that get angry if you don't do what ever she thinks you should do. No matter if you just went on one date. She is going to punish you for not doing what she wanted. She is interested in you but at the same time she is going to punish you anyway. maybe making it really difficult for you to ask her out, maybe taking ages to respond your texts.
This woman are toxic and this is a really good way to spot them. When a woman do this stuff to you, delete her number.

 

this is totally false. I always wait for the guy to text me after the date. I don't know what you're talking about at all. Women expect the man to be the pursuer.

 

In my experience, it's more beneficial to allow the woman to wonder ''did he like me? if he did, why hasn't he text me like every other guy does?''. If the woman doesn't text back after the date then a few days later reach out and arrange another date. If the woman doesn't respond or reciprocate an interest in another date, drop her like a bad habit and get on with meeting the next woman.

I have been the guy to text right after a date, to spend all the time between meets texting on the phone to the late hours telling the woman how great she is, how beautiful she is etc. and the result is me getting ghosted.

Since I have applied this approach I have had massive amounts of success in the dating scene. Not just that, but it makes it so much easier, it takes all the guess work out of dating, simply allow women to do what women do, allow the natural instincts to flow. To say something is false because it's not what you would do is narrow minded.

In my personal experience, women do not want a man that is constantly texting them, they like the mystery. For me, women are not a priority in my life. Most guys start dating and put the girl above everything else in life. Just isn't an attractive trait, which is unfortunately what a lot of men are like in the modern day.

 

Why not be the first? Why play games? You don't want to look needy? But, do you want to be afraid to assert your genuine self or to express your real feelings? Yeah, that's attractive.

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Because she may have felt that you were not talking to them to fully express who you are but to satisfy your desire. This is called needy behavior.

Men often associate being needy with talking to a woman a lot, giving her a lot of interest and calling her a lot, when it is the intention behind it that is important and will make you needy, or not.
You can decide to be nice and write her a lot. Being nice is a quality. If it's a choice and you do it to move the relationship forward, she'll see that and be happy to do the same. But if it's out of fear of losing her, it's not attractive.

After a date I have often written to a woman to tell her how incredible the time we had together was. I also missed a lot of dates because I was too focused on the result. When what I loved most was connecting and having an amazing time with these women. When you have this intention, women forgive you for being awkward or imperfect.
I never ask myself if I should wait to write her. I write her because I want to. It doesn't matter if it's 10 seconds or 2 days later.

Writing little or nothing to her does not help. It is a strategy to avoid rejection. In the end, The more you try to avoid it, the more it catches up with you. I mean that's life.
Women don't like mystery, they like honesty. I think you're confusing mystery with challenge. It's important to put some challenge in the relationship. But mystery doesn't bring anything.
You are with her, not against her.

it's the same, it doesn't make sense.
I approach women in my everyday life, and almost every day since I am 19.
This process of meeting women and overcoming my fears has become my priority. I love meeting women, connecting with them in a deep way, getting to know myself and understanding relationships. Women are a very important part of my life.

Yet I am less needy than any guy because I can meet women whenever I want. And I am interested in human connection rather than compulsive desire. Even without looking for a serious relationship.
Whereas my sometimes entrepreneurial buddies, who focus on their lives, talk little to women, and "let women come to them" (lol), have far fewer options and are consumed by frustration and despair. Even if they don't want to admit it. Expressing their vulnerability is not something common to them since they never get over their fears socially. They want to avoid rejection at all costs. by focusing on themselves, whereas we are sociable creatures by nature.

All this to say that what you say has been said 1000 times, and I think (it's my opinion based on my own experience) that it's totally wrong and superficial. it leads to nothing but ego and perfectionism.

 

Like I mentioned, I have been on both sides of the fence and I choose to continue with the approach I use today. I am not going to stop using something that has worked wonders for me.

I talk to women everyday, I don't approach them in hopes of getting dates, or seeking intimacy, I speak to them because I'm a social person. When it comes to dating a woman, I have found that it is far more successful doing what I have been doing for the past 3 years.

You are welcome to your own approach, just don't tell me that mine is wrong or that it should be changed when it has delivered great results in the dating scene.

 

I've only been on 2 dates, but both started messaging me just minutes after the date. I don't think it really matters - just don't text her all day everyday and you should be good.

 

That's what happened with 99% of my dates, they text me before I even get home and open my front door and then from there I arrange the date and then barely text/call between dates. Everyone has their own approach in the end I suppose

 

It's ok to text and keep chasing because you haven't had sex with her, after sex is better to back off a bit to let her chase you or text you first.

Then it becomes a balance of you texting first or she texting you first