Day 200 - Hardmode (30 M)

I’m feeling great. Honestly for a long time on NoFap I didn’t feel much change at all but stuck with it. I thought to myself anything is better then being someone who’s whole life is PMO. At the start, like everybody else I had strong urges to look at porn. After a while they just slowly faded away. Then came near constant fantasies about real women. They were very difficult to ignore. Funnily enough when these were present, I had no urge to masturbate, but I still wanted a clear head and wondered would I ever have a clear mind again. In the past week seemingly out of nowhere these fantasies are all but gone and when they do pop up, I can dismiss them almost immediately without a second thought. I think it’s because I relied on PMO for so long that what happens for some people after about 90 days needed just over 6 months for me. I find it easier to meditate and workout. I also have less interest in watching TV. I still procrastinate a bit (I have ADHD & Asperger’s and because of a heart condition I can’t take any medication) honestly though with a clearer head thanks too little to no urges I can really enjoy the present moment. Haha I was honestly afraid that I would lose my identity before I started, that I wouldn’t be me anymore. I was making up so many stupid delay strategies to not go through with it, the whole thing was crazy.

I know how tough it can be sometimes (or really, the whole time). Starting NoFap is probably the best thing I have ever done. The only regret I have is not knowing about it 10 years ago haha. It’s ok though I’ve learned not to dwell on the past. I try to stop all past living, daydreaming and fantasies. Just live in the now.