My Farewell Letter to PMO

Oh man you write so beautifully.

 

Epic.

 

Lessgo!

 

Sorry about your struggle during your childhood and beautiful words regarding your exit from PMO. Good luck in life dude.

 

It's a wonderful letter - a great start.

Just a thought for down the road if you ever feel inclined to do so, Did you ever consider writing a letter to your father, even if it's a letter you never deliver. In there you can express your hurt, how you were affected, and how you'll never treat you own child that way, one day. And, if you're really open to it, you could even tell your father that you forgive him - not for the purpose of excusing his behavior, but for the purpose of untying yourself from him and from your past. You no longer want your father's baggage as your own - you are separate from him now, and he perhaps had his own existence of self-hatred to have treated others, especially you, that way. Maybe that's how his father treated him? You of all people, as an adult now, can understand what that can do to a person, even if you were not able to understand such things as a child. It could be a very therapeutic process for you in writing such a letter, bringing self-healing to the very wound that opened you up to PMO, a secondary affliction. Another thought it to compose a letter to your mother, as well.

Best wishes!

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Yes, it's meant to re-live the pain - to feel and sit with the memories, shed some tears even, and pray to God, possibly. It's a very intense spiritual exercise. Often addictions are escapes from things we don't want to face or feel anymore. You've already demonstrated that you can look at the hurt from your first letter - now enter into the wounded feelings and let them go, even as you're letting addiction go. This may not be a one shot deal, but it's a great beginning. Perhaps you should even be in a special, secluded space when you write and reflect on this letter. Yes, you also will likewise acknowledge - in a separate letter and at a separate time - the ways your mother failed you even though she was good and loving in every other way.

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Another strategy for anyone wanting to revisit their past and introspect and heal from within - and remembering not just all the sorrows but all the joys and fortunate times, too, is to do a life review. And, by this, I mean to drive, if possible, to one's first childhood home (whatever that looks like), assuming one does not still live there. Park in the street, and think about what happened to you from ages 0 to 5 yo, what you were told, perhaps the earliest memory or memories you have, and reflect on what life was like. Then, one can drive to the second home where one's family moved to next (or whatever that looks like) and reflect on the same sorts of things - one's relationship with each parent, siblings, neighborhood friends, etc., and so on to the next house, if there was another. Also, in the process of doing this, one can revisit one's primary elementary school (even if just parked in the parking lot or walk around the building if possible), then to one's middle school, then, hight school, even college, etc. Engage each location as close as possible (remotely parking at a minimum, or walking around the place as possible and preferred). One does the same sort of reflection - what was life like - what memories were joyful, what was painful. What were friendships and relationships like. One can also visit other significant places: places of worship, athletic fields, libraries, amusement areas, parks, landmarks - whatever was significant to one's life. Laugh, cry, feel joy, feel pain, feel the love, feel the hate, remember the bullies, remember the trusted fried - that kind of thing. Allow yourself to feel it all - and hold it all as sacred, because it is what you experienced - and you yourself are sacred to God. Offer forgiveness with tears, if you can to those who mistreated you, etc. Write a letter if you feel inclined. Let is all go. Now, of course, if one's earliest homestead is too far off to drive to, one can pick a symbolic place to represent it for the reflection - a local landmark, or a house that resembled the first home, etc. The same with other places and institutions. The exercise is to reflect on our life and family and friends (and enemies) as we lived it from age 0 to our present age, etc. It's a very powerful and amazing retreat and exercise to do alone sometime - take a day that you have free, where you also have some privacy and solitude to yourself, and treat yourself to such a life review. Report back here, if you can, with your experience.

 

Awesome - you are a really good writer! This almost had me in tears. I think we all have goodbye letters we need to write to PMO. I'm not quite ready--I still have a long road ahead of me, but I look forward to the day. Thanks for your motivational words.

 

You are a true inspiration to us all brother. Even after your tough childhood, your determination to better yourself and to beat PMO is motivation to myself and others on this journey of leaving PMO behind.