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Please stop counting days

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BravelyKegger, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. I like the day counter because it lets you know how long you have been on your journey, but day counting can do more harm then it can good, you start getting so fixated on the day you are on versus how much progress you have really made, it is like for a lot of people once you relapse you are back to square one, this is so far from the truth in reality because what is one slip up compared to say 60 days of healing, think about that! When I pmo one of the first things I start to lose is my frisson, those chills you get rushing through your body when you read a good book or comic, or when you connect with the song, I would get those all the freaking time, now I hardly get them at all. When I had over a 120 day streak and relapsed for about 2 weeks I went home after words and read one of my comics, and every single page gave me huge frisson chills, yes even after relapsing a lot, that showed me that even if I relapsed a lot I still had 120 days of healing also, one relapse cannot destroy everything you did that fast, however if you continue on your downward spiral you will eventually hit the bottom of the pits again and lose all that progress you made!
     
  2. Quezatolah

    Quezatolah Fapstronaut

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    I agree fully, but there are some that think that even edging or a wet dream is a relapse. You're only discouraging yourself and making it harder to be free from this.

    Everything is a journey, a relapse won't undo all your progress unless you allow everything back into your life.
     
    BravelyKegger likes this.
  3. I agree, wet dreams you cannot control and edging is not the end of the world, do better and keep going.
     
  4. Great post!!!
    I track my progress with this app (plus home workout), I won't feel down if I relapse (but I'll never relapse again) by looking at this statistic:
    F852FCE4-0602-402B-AEB6-34104EAA173B.jpeg 7E57283D-D638-4F0B-9C52-99EE1B7EE0C2.jpeg 142A0667-EF20-4D71-8762-0B8BB96433A1.jpeg
     
  5. That is great! We must focus on what we are accomplishing and have accomplished and not are mistakes and slipups, keep moving forward one day at a time and results will follow.
     
  6. randomname3

    randomname3 Fapstronaut

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    I think it matters a while lot for the people who have never gone 100 days without PMorO since hitting puberty. The only way to make progress is to go without PMO for extended periods of time (preferably just quit forever in one shot but that's not realistic). If you're just coasting at 30 streaks, followed by relapse, that's not progress. If you're regularly going 90+ days no sweat before a relapse, that's a lot better.
    Then eventually you've got to reach Escape Velocity, where you finally spring free of the PMO gravity well. It's a huge qualitative difference where, as you say, it probably does more harm than good to count days anymore.
     
    NutMaster777 and Freeddom_Taker like this.
  7. I see the benefits of counting, it fuels motivation and can give you more drive, but for people on here myself included having to reset that day count to 0 is absolutely crushing and that leads people into binging because they have the mentality of I already failed so a might as well watch as much as I want until I decide to start over again.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2021
    HelperX likes this.
  8. josedelamuerte

    josedelamuerte Fapstronaut

    I'll agree that the counters only really start being useful around the 100 day mark ("I haven't smoked in 100 days! Sure, I feel like having a cigarette, but do I really want it so bad as to reset a hundred day counter? Not really.") but you do have to at least start them for them to be useful. I guess you could say "start them but don't look at them all the time", but then when do you look? When you get urges? For many of us that's an hourly occurrence, at least during the first few weeks.

    I think the main thing I'd address is this defeatist mentality many attach to a reset. A reset does not have to be a relapse. It's just like falling off your bike. You get back on and you keep on going. You've been riding smoothly for a month. So you fell. No big deal. No need to attach any more drama to it.
     
    BravelyKegger and HelperX like this.
  9. visionarysanitation

    visionarysanitation Fapstronaut

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    quitting porn is like quitting smoking. its the total amount of cigarettes you didn't smoke during periods of abstinence. in the end that's what really matters. so with nofap build up those days where you do not watch porn, and over time that is the progress. to say you'll never watch porn again may be unrealistic. what is more realistic is watching much less porn over the course of your lifetime.
     
  10. randomname3

    randomname3 Fapstronaut

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    I feel bad when I have to reset, but that's what discipline is: it's not supposed to feel good at the time. I haven't ever felt like it was "absolutely crushing", so I couldn't speak to that one way or the other. But I still think coasting at ~30 day streaks is not progress. You've got to commit to longer periods of time, and without tracking that in some way, you're not likely to make that progress imo.
     

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