35 and Older Accountability Group

Finding it hard not to beat myself up over my recent failings. I did some counselling a few years ago, the advice at the time was that I need to be kind to myself when I'm feeling down. ie. be a friend to myself. So working on that today. Small steps!

 

Two weeks!

 

Thanks so much, mate! Couldn't have done it without you guys and the all the support here. All the best to you, gentlemen.

 

Thank you, brother.

 

Day 12. Checking in. Before doing this, I often went to bed at 4-5 AM and that really messed up my sleep schedule. Now I sleep much better, and it shows. I have a good job, and work from home, but I felt like shit most days, was nervous, sometimes unfairly treated people badly because I was just so tired, and felt so disgusted with myself. Now, I feel so much better.

I have a girlfriend, but sometimes I feel very strong urges which are very hard to resist. I've seen that I have some triggers, and I do my best to avoid them, but it's not easy.

Also, I live in southern Europe and right now the heat is crazy. It's very hard to work out, or to find social things to do. But I fight as hard as I can. Being with positive, kind people really helps.

As with many other important things is life, this requires a significant effort. The progress is slow though... and, as an addict, it's easy to fall into your own mind's traps, it is so easy to relapse. As @jaberwaki said, keep the faith.

 

Congrats to you @ctr, 6 months is a tremendous achievement. I hope to be joining you towards the top of the rankings some day

 

Thank you so much, brother. It is difficult but it absolutely is doable. Now that I've found my stride, there's no going back to old ways. If I can be of any assistance to you, feel free to message me. Keep fighting and all the best.

 

I second this, it’s awesome to get to 6 months @ctr!

All of this isn’t just about beating PMO…if you acquire the self discipline needed to go cold turkey on an addiction as compulsive as this, what life challenge can you not take on?

 

Thank you, @Martial, I appreciate the kind words. I find that it's giving me the confidence, above all, to improve everything in my life, including my other weak points. For that, I'm eternally grateful to you all.

We can all do this, gentlemen. Never, ever give up.

 

Checking in.

 

/reset

 

Don’t know if this happens to you guys, but for me, a reset is frequently connected to me feeling very bad about myself.

For example, my last reset was because I have a project at work that I am finding hard to do. It’s something totally new for me, and I find myself feeling like the old dog who doesn’t want to learn new tricks. I’m sure that one of the younger guys on my team would have finished it by now. So I feel the pressure, feel crap about myself, do nothing, waste time, get really stressed out and eventually PMO.

The thing I have to remind myself about is: it’s ok to be slow at learning something new. I don’t have to measure myself against anyone else, and I shouldn’t feel shame for finding it hard.

But what’s not ok is my behaviour, where I have been procrastinating and not even trying to get the work done.

As is often the case, I need to separate how I feel about myself as a person from how I feel about my actions, and be kind to myself while also trying to motivate myself to get stuck in.

 

Sweet 4 days!

 

Don't despair. It has happened to us all. Also, how do you feel after the reset? Is it worth it? Wouldn't a better way to avoid stress be to actually start doing something about the project, however small that step is? Break it into small actions & say yourself "I'm good at this" (even if you don't believe a word, it works) & start doing!

As for PMO itself, well, combatting any kind of addiction is hard. Also, it is very different from learning a new skill.

An addiction is a bad habit: you have triggers (such as feeling stressed), you have an action (PMO), then you receive a fix of dopamine in your brain from the action. When the habit (addiction in this case) is very engrained, you crave the dopamine even before you start PMOing... and the craving, man, it hurts like a b*tch. We are all in the same boat. We all know this feeling.

The way to change this is:
1) identify the triggers of PMO (stress, for instance), start with the most obvious things, but gradually expand it. Keep a list.
2) change the action, i.e. you feel stressed, but do something different from PMO that you also find pleasant, something that also gives you a shot of dopamine (such as jogging a little bit, lifting some weights, taking a soft drink, jump, sing, dance, listen to the water flow, etc). Each person is different. Sometimes, silly simple things can give us that dopamine boost. Keep a list of those too. Expand it. Staying away from PMO will give you more energy and time to expand that list!
Note: DON'T make that action alcohol or drugs, because you will simply turn one addiction into another.
3) feel the dopamine from an alternative action, repeatedly. Eventually, this rewires your brain into the action being something different from PMO. You will thus have broken the bad habit, the addiction. It will probably never go away completely, but it won't own you.

Measure the process. Keep a journal. Make a cross each time you feel the trigger, and PMO. Make a tick each time you feel the trigger, but perform an alternative action or do nothing, just resist the urge. Eventually, you should have only ticks in your journal. Also, keep us posted of the positive things that happen when you consistently fight to break free of the addiction. Pay attention to those as they will move you forward.

Don't kid yourself. It will be hard, but this way is a little bit easier than by sheer force of will. And it's worth it.

Be strong!

 

Checking in....It's been difficult lately, I even had a nightmare last night that I slipped up, but im still clean! I'm still in this!

 

Ha! I get this dream too!

 

Same here, had one the other night. It was so strange; like something I would have done 25 years ago. It was a very different time, before the internet took off. I know part of my subconscious is still holding on to the past, when things were a lot less complicated. Can't let it get to us though, just have to take it for what it is and press on.

 

Sorry I was on holiday without WiFi ;-) but I’m still interested!